Just wanted some thoughts on helping with my wife who drinks in front of me
Background.
I was a heavy drinker who basically medicated through drinking
It damaged me and damaged our marriage which I am seriously making amends to address all of my poor behaviour attached to drinking. The relationship is starting to blossom again.
She is so pleased that I have stopped however I have had two small missteps.
One was a dinner night where I had two wines with her and she had two
The other is when she bought home two bottles of red and watned to get drunk I too started drinking and had about five glasses.
She is so wrapt that I am not drinking and says she supports me and is so pleased that I am not and she feels that my drinking caused the problems.
Last night we went out to a play and before we went to a resturant where she ordered a glass of red, I was super strong and did not.
I dont want to tell her what to do and I know she struggles with drinking to a degree and she also feels guilty about drinking in front of me and when she asks I always say please its ok as I dont want to upset her.
I would suggest finding a meeting , getting a sponsor, then work the steps. That way it won’t matter if someone is drinking around you or not! It probably makes it harder that she still drinks on front of you, but in the end your sobriety is your responsibility. We cannot expect everyone else to change their lives because we have an issue with drinking
Thank you your response pretty much aligns with my thoughts.
I am working the steps. Just wanted to see what others have done to try to minimise the impact.
I struggled with alcohol for many years and have been sober for close to 6 years now. One thing I attribute to my success in sobriety so far is staying away from the people, places, and things I associated with my drinking. I am fortunate that my wife doesn’t drink, so staying away from it at home was easy.
I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be if my wife did drink at home, that sounds insurmountably more difficult, and quitting is already difficult!
I feel that it is not unreasonable to ask your spouse to not drink at home or around you until you are strong enough to resist the temptation. I aslo feel that a caring spouse would respect that request.
My wife has asked that I don’t bring ice cream in the house as she’s trying to lose weight, and so I respect that and will only have ice cream when I’m out. I feel that’s a similar situation, where one makes a compromise to the other for the sake of their health and relationship.
If I were in your shoe’s, I’d ask my wife to refrain from drinking at home and around me, not forever but until I got my sober tools developed. Maybe 6 months, maybe a year, maybe less…
Welcome Grimmy
I feel you my friend. My wife and I were drinking buddies forever!
At 60 I thought I had had a good run and fat drunk and hungover was no way to go through my bronze years. I found this app 01/02/2020 and I been sober ever since. My wife supports my sobriety but she’s made it clear she gonna drink. At first I was so focused on my sobriety it didn’t matter what she or anyone else did. I was done drinking. The more sober time I got under my belt, her drinking began to bother me. But I wasn’t drinking. When my life became unmanageable, and it did, I finally got to Al-Anon and met many people whose lives are affected by a loved one who is an alcoholic.
I learned changed attitudes can aid in recovery. Mainly my recovery. Al-Anon has given me a new way to look at life and how powerless I am over people places and things. And it has helped save my marriage. My wife still drinks. It’s sad. But I have no control over what she does. I have to let her live her life and I mine.
If I’m focused on her drinking, then I’m not focused on my sobriety.
Courage To Change
Having a partner that drinks can be a serious issue and can and maybe will affect your sobriety. My wife drinks Prosecco and has 1 bottle over 3 days and in no way has a problem. It doesn’t bother me at all, each to their own, but then I’ve been sober over 20 years, still go to meetings and work steps to the best of my ability.
From what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like she has a major problem, she’s probably just not thinking on the effect it has on you, you’ve slipped twice because of it. You don’t need temptation put in the way of your sobriety, so talk to her, you’re not asking her not to drink just not drink in front of you until you have some time under your belt.
That said what you really need is a Sponsor and plenty of meetings. Meetings may play havoc with your social calendar, but just remember without them and the steps you’re probably going to end up with no social calendar, possibly loose your freedom and most certainly die in a lot of pain both mental and physical.
So, meetings, steps, a Sponsor and a heart to heart with your wife. &
My wife still has a glass of wine now and again we have several bottles in our kitchen wine rack but im not bothered after al these years sober if it did then id be doing something wrong
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