Time for Honesty

I wrote a post on Sunday about how Saturday was a reminder of the power of my addict voice and how, despite my acceptance and knowledge of my addiction, I can still talk myself into relapse. I had a drink. And then more. Nothing awful happened except that, which I think is awful. I didn’t reset my counter right away because I was trying to convince myself that everything was fine, that it didn’t count, but I think that’s my addict voice again paving that well worn road to future relapses. This is a big deal. I am owning it. I reset today. I want to burn that well worn road so that I never travel it again. I feel like crap in my brain, heart, body, all of it. I am trying to start over with my acceptance again. I am had let my journaling go, I had stopped checking in here daily, I stopped asking for help. I let my guard down. Resetting my counter gutted me. I’m back. Completely honest. Open minded. Determined to take it one day at a time. Still gutted. I’m just so disappointed. I’m sorry for lying. I’m having trouble accepting myself this time.

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Honesty is the only way!! I lied to myself for far too long but being honest with yourself is the only way you’ll truly look for and accept help and support

YOU CAN DO IT!!

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Thank you for being here, thank you for being honest and thank you for helping me, by sticking with us.

The fucking inside job won’t ever stop. The self driven brain hustle we sell to ourselves…maddening.

Hugs & so glad you’re here.

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Don’t let the guilt get you down for too long. Accept the backslide and keep it moving. Relentless forward motion can’t be maintained looking backwards. You’ll end up hitting your shins on something. You’ve got this!

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You are sober today. That’s all we have. Sending you hugs :people_hugging:

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Thanks for sharing and being honesty about it all. Coming straight from the :heart: being open and honesty leaving no stone unturned. Move forward bc your journey is starting now and no more looking back for we all know what we left behind n what our past is. Wish you well on your journey. :pray:t4:

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reading what you wrote allowed me to see YOU and I have to say I feel so proud of you. You got back up.

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Remember that a relapse doesn’t necessarily mean we have to start all over again. Our sober time might reset, but the tools we’ve learned and the progress we’ve made is still all there. The connections and community is still all there. Nothing has to change except your sobriety date. Nothing has to change except a number. Nothing else has to change unless we let that number mean something more to us than it does.

Please don’t let this get you down and sit in it. It’s just a bump in the road, keep pushing forward and doing the things!

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Don’t make yourself feel any worse. You can come back from it. Today is a new day :heart:

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Such an awesome post! Honesty is something I fervently committed to when I got sober. Honesty with myself and others. It took me years to accept my issues with alcohol even though I “knew” for a long long time. Keep adding to your toolkit, friend. Your activity here will serve you well long term, as for me community is my biggest support. TS, TLC and AA for me. You can never have too much support. I’m so glad you posted this. Progress over perfection.

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When I got sober…I determined 1 drink was awful. Because even just 1 would lead to bad things…if not right away, eventually it would come.

Maybe semantics, but the shift in my thinking is one of the reasons I stay sober.

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Because of your acceptance here, I am able to accept:

I am an alcoholic. I am powerless over alcohol. it has complete control over me, and it ruins my life. I accept this is a flaw and a defect in my person and character. I accept there is no cure. I accept that my acceptance of this means responsibility. In order to be the best version of myself, I must be sober at all times. In order to be sober, I need to accept that I made a decision to not drink, and I need to never question the decision. I am responsible for my choices and my actions. I choose sobriety, and I choose whatever series of actions I must take in order to maintain it. I accept that I have this flaw that brings me shame, and I am willing to let it all go, trusting right now there is a higher power in the universe guiding me, which is as simple and potent as the collective voices of the people here I have asked for help.

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I do admire how honest you are being with yourself.

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I am glad you were honest and reset your counter and shared here. Being honest with ourselves and our community is so important. Otherwise, we are wrapped up in our secret shame and none of us need more shame, we all have plenty.

I agree with what ChristopherP shared as well, the time you had, the knowledge you gained…that isn’t lost…it is all stepping stones and your path of sobriety toward recovery. Our journey, with fall backs and drinking, relapses…whatever you call it…builds upon itself and we can gain strength from each day. Even the choices that we regret. They lead us to today…and today we can and are sober.

Try not to carry the guilt and shame for too long. You made bad choices, that doesn’t make you a bad person. We are all deserving of love, care, community, sobriety. We can let go of that which does not serve us…alcohol…guilt…shame. And step into today with clear eyes and heart and a plan for sobriety today. :heart:

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Bless you for opening up and being honest that takes real guts and i absolutely respect you for that! Honesty is where it all starts, addiction makes liars of us all, i know i was never a liar until alcohol got its hooks into me then i truly turned into someone i wasnt, honesty will give the power you need to get those hooks back out one by one, i believe in you, i believe you can do this, we are all here for you :people_hugging:

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You are back here & that’s what counts ! You got this friend :heart:

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