Hi everyone! I’m 24 and back in recovery/meetings etc for the thousandth time for binge drinking. After another string of uncomfortable and inappropriate behaviour and more damanged confidence and relationships I really want this to be the end of my drinking. I would love to hear some tips and to connect with other people who experience or have experienced the loneliness that comes with this lack of control. I feel very isolated from my friends and so guilty/ashamed that its hard to see a way out but I’m optimistic and determined to be the person I know I can be sober.
What worked for me: AA
No evangelizing here, just my experience.
I could power through short term – a week, a month, two months – high on my perspective and philosophizing with some depth. I can see that now in active using, I had some real and rich insights. I just didn’t really give a shit about them. I had become such a liar that I was perfectly comfortable with living out of sync with the conclusions I could draw through logic, meditation and prayer. I was just, cold.
One thing that began to scare me was that, despite my forms of control, they were always temporary, and I always retained a sense of “having to make up for lost time”. At a glance, I seemed to be doing well. And I was in many ways. However, I just kept drinking more and more, and started making crazier and crazier decisions.
And I wanted to change! I wanted to live! I just didn’t have any mechanisms Id care about when I got my chance to do what I wanted. And there was no magic and no spells and no incantations. I just couldn’t begin to fight until giving up. I had to find someone who had demonstrated sobriety and done so long term. Then I needed to do what they said (all the while retaining my brain, mind you).
To be honest, I am deeply devoted to my spiritual life and so, while the spiritual jargon of AA didn’t bother me (in terms of sounding religiousy), it DID bother me that I thought those cooky drinks would ignorantly try to supplant my faith with some (drunk me talking here: garbage quasi-spiritual American novelty).
All my fears were that and nothing more. They were not evidentiary and they weren’t substantive. They were the face of my anxiety, no more.
I know people where I live with 25 years and who don’t go to AA, so I hold zero notions about it being THE way. But me, being the liar and hider I became for my drug needed a group to be accountable to and for. FOR! These maniacs started telling me off the bat that I was helping them to stay sober!
Except now I get it…
I hope you find something that works
If your really want to stop give a meeting a try not for everyone get asponsor and as my late sponsor used to say get into the middle of the bed lol if you stay on the outside your fall off , i still do meetings today and sponsor , im now the man i always wanted to be wish you well
Thank you for both responding and for the honesty! I have tried meetings but believe my attitude is why they didn’t work which is why I’m more then happy to try again. Have either of you tried SMART recovery? I was wondering if it’s worth giving that a go along with AA meetings.
Never tried smart when i got sober only AA at that time but im sure there is people on here who have gone to and attened smart meetings they might let you know what to expect wish you well
Thanks Ray! I just saw a topic about Smart which explained a lot. Wishing you well too