Please know I care. I want to make sure your ok. We are all here for you and please phone the numbers provided and know that it will get better and you will be ok. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but I’ve been where you are and you need to hold on k:heart:
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Two questions.
1- Are you still on the antidepressants that you thought were helping your depression 28 days ago?
2- Do you think or feel like the antidepressants could be giving you suicidal thoughts?
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Therapy might be in the cards then, friend. It sounds like you need a third party to give you both some perspective. I don’t know the situation, or your wife so I’m not gonna speculate on who’s doing or not doing what. But I do know, and is plain to see, is that it’s tearing you apart.
It took a therapy appointment for my ex-fiancee and I to both figure out that she didn’t love me, and was just assuming things would get better after we got married. This was after 6 or so years of dealing with her suicidal depression, constant health issues, schizoid hallucinations, frequent financial problems (I bought that woman three cars), and severe intimacy issues. Through all of that, I loved her. It took someone else point all that bullshit out for it click for me.
Been there, bro.
You can overcome this. Sometimes you juat gotta take it a day at a time. You’re at the best point in your life in a long time: you’re 90 days sober.
If you’re going through hell, why would you stop?
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I’m still on um and they feel like they are working and this is the first time I’ve felt like this since I started all of this I know its just a moment and I dont wanna use I dont wanna feel like this it’s just some of the shit she says to me and then acts like I’m crazy when I respond to it like she didn’t say it I feel she a narcissist bit I cant bring myself to not love her even if she hates me I will allways love her and I feel that it’s wrong that I do sometimes
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It’s hard to feel belittled and put down by someone you love. By anyone for that matter. It’s easy to feel worthless after that.
For tonight this day you will stay alive and not kill yourself. It sounds like you’ve done a good job of getting care for yourself, with your depression and with your diabetes. Losing weight. This is something that you need help with to take care of it. Coming here, talking about it is a good start.
It sounds like you aren’t wanting to kill your self right now?
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I can say that, regardless of how this all turns out, you’ll always love her.
As painful as it is for me to admit, my ex will always have a place in my heart. I would never go back to her, but a miniscule part of me still has love for her. We’re just built that way as men. Nothing to be ashamed of; it’s a strength.
You are in control of your actions. Your emotions and thoughts are not in your control. They happen to you. But what you can control is how you react to them.
You can choose to not use today, just like you did for the past 90 days. Cuz trust me, if you use right now, this shit is gonna get a lot worse. Any time I got high while I was angry or sad, it just turned the dial up to 11 on whatever I was feeling.
Edit because I accidentally a word
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It’s so hard to find the right words to say. I don’t want to say anything wrong… It’s not wrong of you to love her (or Bellerive you do) but it might not be healthy for you as it is causing such emotional distress. Councelling/therapy might be a good suggestion. Which antidepressants are you on (you don’t have to share.) I was on prozac years ago and it worked at first and then it did not. I think it did influence suicidal thoughts(but I was also using at the time)
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@lololumpkin you’clve been given some priceless avdice already and I don’t really have anything to add except to say it sounds like you need a good sleeep and some fresh air to try and snap you out of a downward spiral. Professional help for sure if its an option.
And you’re a wonderful artist and not worthless at all
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I’m on zoloft and it definitely helps I went from crying and laying in bed for weeks at a time while being smashed on whatever suicidal thoughts was my only thinking at that time I didnt want her to have to find me the main thing I think that keeps me from doing it Is i know how it feels to find someone I found my sister with both wrist slit at 8 or 9 years old I still have nightmares 30 years later I dont want to do that to anyone and I’m feeling a little better jus talking about it but my suicidal feelings and thoughts have been almost non existent now when I was useing and tried antidepressants they didnt work at all but being sober they feel as if tho they are working good
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Have you considered or have you gone to any real life or Internet meetings where you could get sober support which might also include friendship, being with others who would care, and emotional support?
I’ve never been. But I think that this frequently is what happens at the meetings
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Oh good I’m glad the antidepressants are working. I switched to effexor after the prozac and it helped but I definitely think the prozac issue was related to using while taking.
You are right, you do not want to do to your kids what you saw with your sister. Keep talking. There’s always someone here. I’m fairly new, but I’m already learning that.
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Good, then it sounds like they’re doing what they’re supposed to. It just takes time for SSRIs like Zoloft to do what they do to maximum effect.
It also sounds like you might not be used to dealing with your unfiltered thoughts, if you used to only have them while you were using.
Sometimes, the substances mask how bad we’re hurting so it hits you like a damned truck when you lift the curtain of drug induced haze.
For now, I think you should get some sleep if you can and pick back up in the morning. Go for a walk, if you can. I find just walking helps me sort things out.
Unfortunately, I gotta cut out. It’s 430 in the morning where I’m at and I have a midterm exam in a few hours, so I gotta try and get some sleep. Best of luck man.
You’re in control. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you otherwise, not even yourself.
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I’ve went to alot of meetings but I haven’t been going here lately I’m a introvert I hate going out I’m border line agoraphobic sometimes the thought of going out sets my mood and emotions reeling
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Ok I understand. And the same for online?
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Sometimes I get anxiety sometimes in here theres been times I’ve went weeks without so much as seeing another person and be perfectly fine with it
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How are you now? Do you think you can get some sleep tonight? It’s 1:30 am here but Ill stay with you if you need to talk♥️
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But I’m feeling better at the moment I don’t mean to alarm anyone I jus felt it comeing on and felt I had to talk to someone
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Oh I’m so glad you did
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If you think of it, message me in the morning. What time is it where your are?
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431 am I’m gonna try and sleep I feel exhausted I’ve been up since 730 am yesterday and feel like my meltdown jus kicked my butt
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