Thank you all I really needed that I’m sorry if I alarmed anyone
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Yes you need a good sleep!
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Please don’t be sorry
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The help is always here for you. You are cared for. Hope you can get good rest. Thank you for talking about it. For saying how you feel. Thanks for not just walking off and leaving. It goes both ways.
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100 percent!
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Goodnight. Wishing you all a good sleep
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I’ve felt the same way, bro. You’re not alone.
All these thoughts about the past pile up in my head. All the people I hurt drunk. The way I treated my wife back in the days. We started dating back in high school, and shit was a little rocky. A lot ups and downs. I was real piece of shit to her. She had a miscarriage when she was pregnant with our first child. We both didn’t know she was pregnant, but she blames me for it. This miscarriage happened about 10 years ago, but she finally told me that she felt like it was my fault. That I didn’t care about her or the baby. Now that shit just haunts me. I start thinking about what he/she could’ve been. It kills me.
We have 2 kids now. And things seem to be a little better now. Sobriety is helping.
But you know, I can’t find a way to move on from the past. All the crazy shit I’ve done to people. It fucks with me. I feel like blowing a hole in my head. Not only that, but a lot family that I’ve lost and friends that are no longer with me. It hurts. I wish I could bring them back.
I think that if I ever go back to boozing. I’d prolly end up killing myself. It’s scary.
My kids keep me going and making things right with my wife. That’s all I got left.
Stay strong.
Those kids…they need at least one healthy, sober, stable parent, and if your wife is using, it ain’t her.
Recognize and understand that she is ill, and the harsh words and hate she’s throwing at you, is most likely a projection of her own self-loathing.
The best thing that you can do for those you love is to get healthier in mind, body, and spirit. There are many paths to achieving this, but they all begin with sobriety. Those kids are depending on you to break the cycle. Be their hero. Stay here. Stay alive. Get better. Grit your teeth. Set your jaw…and get after it.
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Thank you for sharing that
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I’m feeling a little better today thank you all once again
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Glad to hear it. 
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Glad your feeling better today. Never ever hesitate to reach out♥️
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Good 
. We are always here to listen.
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Dude good to hear… nothing is worth taking away your one chance at this ride called life. You are more important than you realise my friend
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I’m gonna tell you something,
I spent from my teenager years till my mid 30s believing I was gonna die by my own hands, I tried to kill myself multiple times and was unsuccessful,
My last attempt was right before I got sober, I was in a bad place, I was drinking heavily in a hotel room cause my gf kicked me out, my family wanted nothing to do with me, and all I did was work and drink, I had enough it was done for me I met up with someone for one last huraaah, and that was it, when they left I went for my gun, put it at the roof of my mouth and it misfired, I was trembling terribly and accepting it was over, but it wasn’t, I really considered going out like one of my hero’s, Chris Cornell hang my self in a hotel bathroom. And someone called me, and that person who was a huge part of my life, wouldn’t stop calling until I answered, I refused at first they started texting insisting I pickup I kept saying no, until I finally did we talked I cried they said it’s time for you to do right and I did, I went to detox and mental health treatment. Then to rehab,
I ended up losing contact with my kids, which was devastating, my gf left as that was her plan all along, I left rehab and was forced to go to sober living cause I had no other options, i was broke jobless and lost my license cause Of my seizure disorder I was angry devastated and unsure what to do. But I didn’t want to die.
A year and a half later, i got a great job, my license back, great friends, and I talk to my kids everyday, I have no desire to die, I have a desire to kick ass and take names everyday. Is life perfect? Hell no, it’s my job to make it perfect and I will until I can’t go on anymore cause I’m old as shit and dying of natural causes
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Thank you for that I to have had many attempts I had a gun go off not even 2 secs after I removed it from my temple
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Hey Kevin man I’m so glad you came on here and talked. Your pain was very palpable. It’s a tough situation you’re in with your wife. To love and be treated like that in return. Man, you deserve so much better. As do your kids. They don’t deserve a dad who’s suicidal, unhappy, in a bad marriage.
It sounds like you would really benefit from therapy. Talk to someone about the reasons why you find it impossible to leave this unhappy place. I’m not saying you need to leave now, not at all. But it’ll give you some freedom back and empower you to know more about yourself. Begin to cope with your own trauma and your feelings, not rely on your obsession with you wife’s bad attitude and running after the crumbs of love she throws you that keep you going. I know it feels like this is all you have. But that’s basically because you hold on to it, because it doesn’t feel like there is anything else. But there is, a lot, in you already, and for you to experience and feel in the world. You really don’t need this torturous quest with someone who doesn’t value you.
You can do it. Seek your path. You’re a very strong individual that shines through so clearly. And you have three babies to live for, that’s amazing. Look after yourself Kevin. You’re not alone 
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Hey, you have worth, we all have made mistakes and ruined relationships, you need to give your body and mind time to rebalance and it does get better.
What ever your going through is going to at first feel tough and perhaps like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, trust me there is light, and you have us here to help throughout the bad days and the good ones.
Im glad you reached out instead of sitting with these feelings alone.
Do you have help from your gp?
I found when i became sober having to actually feel all these feelings rushing over me that i had spent the past drinking to block out where overwhelming and i had to get support from professionals, and with time it has helped maybe this would help you too 
Hope you feel a bit better today, if not i seriously suggest accepting help from professionals that really can help and getting and accepting the help is not bad how we first imagine, it can be really freeing, like weight lifted off your shoulders and you will get help building a bigger support system.
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Also its worth spesking with your dr when you go through stages of not coping, when i go through a week of two of hightened emotions, severe anxiety basically sensitive to everything my dr prescribes an extra medication to take along side antidepressant that helps straight away to break the cycle and to give my mind and body some rest and it brings me out of the dark.
Also antidepressants sometimes after few weeks/months need the dosage increased do please speak with your gp 
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Kevin, wherever you are right now my fellow brother, you are the most special, unique, awesome, amazing, mysterious, capable and worthy being you could EVER dream of buddy!! Take a step back for one moment… Close your eyes for just a second… Put your hand to your heart and feel it beating away! That’s YOU right there!! Life! We take it much too for granted… This universe is infinite, zoom out, zoom in… Think of all the potential in this life and world?! All the sights, sounds, feelings, smells, tastes, realizations…
Just think for a moment… What could you possibly like or want out of this life and world whilst we’re here? Dig deep within buddy… What do you want to see, experience, try, hear, taste, learn, feel, understand? What does your ‘ideal’ self and life look like? Because with enough love and committment, no hope or dream is too far, and no nonexistent past, future or thought too overwhelming… You can find yourself my friend! Think of your bright, innocent baby self, born against ALL sense-making odds into this something we call life, this jam-packed earth and universe, smiling without thinking twice with that twinkle in it’s eye - because that’s still you!
Our brains and lives can be rewired! The only reason we are here is due to unhealthy inputs somewhere down the line… Where could everything have originated? When? How? Why? And what doors stand open to you to grow and shine like you never thought possible?
Write down a million notes to yourself if you need to, all your thoughts, regrets, fears, solutions? Sit down and make yourself meditate for just 10mins if you haven’t tried it already, either in silence or with some guidance via youtube (everybody has 10mins) and try to focus on your breath and slow down that mind…
For now though, here’s a cool exercise for you:
Stop whatever you’re doing and pay attention to your surroundings a little… There’s no need to overthink nor rush… Just take your sweet time and notice the details…
- Name 5 things you can see…?
- Name 4 things you can feel…?
- Name 3 things you can hear…?
- Name 2 things you can smell…?
- Now name 1 good thing about yourself…?
Are you currently seeing someone or a group which could help, like a psychologist, in-person sobriety group etc? Have you tried? Sometimes we need to put our misplaced pride aside and accept help in whichever form presents itself or we haven’t tried yet… If we never try, we’ll never know.
Do some soulsearching my friend… 
Reasearch your specific circumstances up and down, read up on google, watch on youtube, listen to audios… You’re not alone… Learn about your problems, other people’s advice, experience, tips, support… Find yourself and your huge potential buddy! Every waking moment was never for granted… Think one day at a time! One moment at a time! Because your present self is there for you, and is only waiting for you to fix and invest into it! To be on this app means you’re self-conscious and have come a long way already!! Give yourself a chance with some time, love (as hard as that sounds) and commitment… 
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