To be or not to be sober

Your Story
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I guess I could say I’m on my third real attempt to sobriety. I was sober for 8 months last year, from December 2023 to August 2024. I sobered up when I started antidepressants.
Then, I thought I was doing better and that I could moderate. 2 months later, I tried sobriety again, realizing the same patterns were creeping up on me. It didn’t work. I was going through a lot of personal stuff and I needed alcohol to get through it.

My alcohol intake became worse than ever. I would drink a whole bottle of red wine to myself, not even being hungover the next morning. I could feel my tolerance growing. I also started driving under the influence. Not drunk, but maybe tipsy. I kinda got used to it and normalized the behavior. I would drink between 18-24 units a week, which is, for me (25F), the most I ever drank on a regular basis.

Here I am now, 12 days sober. Why is that ? Not because I wanted to. I was suffering from a migraine and then intense muscular tension in my shoulders and neck that forced me to take advils regularly for days. I have a lot of health anxiety. As did the antidepressants (which I afterwards accepted to take while drinking), the advils made me stop drinking so I wouldn’t harm my body. But to me, it was temporary ; a couple of days. Those days became a week, and I realized it had been a sober week. I then thought to myself : wow, a week already, I guess I could try staying sober !

The first week was easy. The thing is, I’m now realizing it was easy because my body was miserable, I was hurting and I just wanted to feel better. I was planning on starting drinking again as soon as I would stop the advils.
Now that I decided to try a new sobriety attempt and that my body is not sore anymore, I crave alcohol. I wasn’t supposed to stay sober. I just kinda went with it.

All that to say my denial or “alcoholic brain” is very intense right now. My thoughts make me question the reality of my issue with alcohol : I did one week without any cravings, I must not be an alcoholic. I was able to not drink, I’m fine. Why should I need to stop entirely if I can take breaks from time to time and moderate ?
Also, I have a little bit of cognac left in a bottle, and like a third of a bottle of vodka left. Last night, I was craving a drink and having thoughts about how I should finish my stash before going sober. Someone told me to throw it away, but I’m incapable of doing so.

I’m not sure why I wrote all of this. I’m questionning the validity of my drinking problem. I feel crazy and alone. Thank you for reading

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Im 13 days sober. Alcohol has not done anything positive for me for years now. I dont plan anymore on moderating. Its just a waste of more time. Hang in there. Hopefully you can figure it out. And what you really want for your life🙏

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I’ve been trying to get sober for a long time and am 16 days sober now. It seems different. I never enjoyed drinking and it only caused me problems. I never want one drink again or anything like that. I don’t want to be a normal drinker. I have way too much to lose. I’m not wired to be able to drink, I never was. So I’m embracing AA classes and I can relate to the stories. AA itself is a bit harder to embrace but I’ve said for years now that my worst days sober beat my best days drinking. It was a disaster. For decades. I’m glad I am where I am now. 16 days is an emotional stage but I’ll take emotional over pure sadness

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Definitely throw the booze away. You’ll feel so much better about yourself. You’re in control, not the booze. Break the shackles. Also, I feel alone, crazy, sad too. Recently lost my job, 47, unmarried. I’m unhappy but have never given myself a chance to be happy. Can’t afford therapy and my family doesn’t want to talk about anything real. Most people don’t want to talk about stuff real, that’s why therapy groups are wonderful. They’re all about being honest and real. So it’s tough right now. But I’m relying on hope. Things will get better if I stay sober, it’s my only hope. The drinking life only gets worse. I’m living proof.

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What a good topic. Firstly I want to say that you are not crazy or alone, we are in this together and have all had similar issues and felt insane at times.
Im 68 days sober and yesterday I almost lost that time, struggling with these same questions and cravings. What I ended up with was yes, maybe I could just have 2 or 3 drinks tonight and be fine. But the next day I will drink earlier and more, then the next and next until Im right back in the loneliness, sickness, and constant shame of active alcoholism. So while I MIGHT be able to moderate once or twice, its not even worth it for me. I know where “moderation” leads me.

When you say:
“2 months later, I tried sobriety again, realizing the same patterns were creeping up on me.”
I wonder what these patterns were that you didnt like in your life, and makes me think you might be in a similar boat as me. I may appear to be a normal or social drinker but at the end of the day drinking causes a lot of problems in my life.

Lastly, I want to share a few things I heard while wondering if I was an alcoholic, primarily that non-alcoholics usually dont wonder if they are in the first place! If you are posting on here, having cravings for alcohol and are incapable of dumping alcohol out…
You dont have to rush into labeling yourself anything. Sometimes I just say I have a problem with alcohol, an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, or that Im a “problematic drinker.” I know for sure that Im an alcoholic and admitting that to myself and others has been just as liberating as it is scary.

Wishing you all the best! Please feel free to reach out if you are still struggling or want to talk about anything :purple_heart:

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I think people spend too much time, thought and effort wondering if they’re an alcoholic or not. Like that’s some sort of objective sign whether you should be drinking or not. Some people have never had a drink in their lives, like Jennifer Hudson, just because they’ve seen people drinking and didn’t want that for themselves. Rather than fret over whether you’re an alcoholic or not, I’d just ask has alcohol helped you and been a benefit to your life? If the answer is no and actually a tremendous hindrance, that’s all I need to know that alcohol doesn’t work for me and never will.

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Welcome back to the forum Isabelle, and thanks for sharing your story. It’s so recognizable to so many of us here. I’m glad you’re here with us and I feel you came here looking for some connection and a way out of needing alcohol to function.

You say you needed alcohol to go to the personal stuff you experienced. That’s not true. It’s a typical lie our own addicted brains tell us, the lie that we eed alcohol to make it through hard times, just like our own brains tell us we need alcohol to celebrate good times, and once we are well and truly addicted we need alcohol for every occasion possible. It’s lies we tell ourselves. We don’t need it. The opposite is true. We need to work on our personal stuff and we need to be sober to do so.

You say you started to drive under the influence. I have done that too and I’m not passing judgment but please stop it before something bad happens. You feel your tolerance is growing. You normalized your drinking behaviour.

You’re sober now, more or less by coincidence you say. You were hurting and you wanted to feel better so you quit drinking. I find it striking how you described earlier how you drank because you were hurting, albeit experiencing mental instead of physical pain.

You’re growing more tolerant of alcohol. You’re craving a drink. You feel you’re not able to throw out the alcohol you still have left By telling your story, it’s clear to me and I feel to yourself too you cannot moderate because each time you restart you’ll drink more and the consequences of your drinking (i.e. driving under the influence) are getting more serious.

I feel you do know why you wrote all this. Again, I’m not passing judgment and we have all been where you are right now. I’m repeating your own words in the hope you can see a little bit clearer where you are and where you could be heading if you drink again. We’re in this together and together we can beat this. Wishing you all success lady. Hugs.

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Hi Isabelle, welcome back :waving_hand: :innocent:

The title of your thread here is “To be or not to be sober”, but that’s not really what your thread is about. You already know you need to be sober, or you wouldn’t be posting about it. Who posts on sobriety apps and forums? People like you and me, who have a problem and need ti learn to overcome it. (It’s the same as participating in a diabetes forum, for people who have diabetes and want advice about managing it. The people who join either have diabetes themselves, or are caring for someone (their child, usually) who has diabetes.)

A better title for your thread might be something inspired by this :up_arrow: - maybe “To be or not to be free”

Do you want to be free? Free to choose what you want to keep and what to let go?

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When you were taking the advils there was no negotiation. You made the decision not to. I know changing your parameters can shift thinking. I went thru it on my journey. Take the wish washing away. Make the decision drinking is not an option today. Im making this decision for my health

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This is such a meaty, wonderful topic that I’m dying to sink my teeth into and start spouting my BS all over the place :joy::winking_face_with_tongue::blush::joy: Being able to recognize when it’s time to shut my trap and listen is another gift of AA. I will be lurking in the room like a nosy neighbor trying to learn as much as possible. Lol …. Let’s see how long this lasts. :folded_hands:

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Its your choice drink or dont drink , my experience remove the drink in the house try a AA meeting or similar see how you get on wish you well

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You could revisit this question in a year or two after you have learned how to live a happy and contented life without alcohol. But for now, stop drinking, and develop tools to experience all the ups and downs of life in a responsible manner.

" I’d rather go through life sober believing I’m an alcoholic, than go through life drunk trying to convince myself that I’m not" – Anonymous

Check in with us every day for awhile, make it a routine!! Checking in daily to maintain focus #76

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Is sobriety what you really desire for yourself?

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Hello. Our drinking behavior sounds similar.

I did the same bargaining after two weeks sober, so I told myself, go for thirty days and reevaluate if you want to have a drink again. I’m on thirty-three days today and can honsetly say I don’t even desire a beer or a glass of wine.

Those first couple weeks were rough because I made such a habit of incorporating alcohol into liesure time. Now I’m greatful I broke that habit.

My body feels healthier with less aches and pain, I shed some stomach weight, but mostly my brain feels clear and this irritability and anxiety I’d been living with is down and my general mood is up.

It takes about thirty days to break a habit and I’ve found it to be worth the wait.

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33 Days!!! That is a great post because it’s open minded and very discretionary. You took an honest approach…. giving yourself a sufficient data set of 30 days. I think it will help convince many newcomers who might be on the fence or those who just didn’t give recovery enough time the nudge they need to do as you have done. “The Mattichot Challenge” should be a thing by now !!! Well Done :tada::confetti_ball::balloon::tada::flexed_biceps::flexed_biceps::flexed_biceps:

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