To the Relapser

Life in Recovery
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All I can do is tell my story. Words my sponsor says at every meeting.

1086 days, and I had an interesting conversation with myself. I am headed to the airport and hour and a half away. Just about at the mid point is a restaurant that I wanted to try. It’s a pretty famous micro brew spot. Never went, to long of a drive after drinking.

As I passed it, I asked, (fully knowing the answer) could I go and just enjoy 1 beer. I started laughing. No way in hell could that happen. Was it a serious question? Absolutely not…just bored driving thinking. However it did make remember about a period of my life that drinking was “under control”.

I had just quit a high paying, high stress job. I was drinking so much, it could be measured in gallons…not ounces or pints. When I quit that job, I quit drinking…didnt even try.

I might have 1 beer with dinner. I remember thinking to myself, “well shit, you dont have a problem…it was just the stress.” A 12 pack would last me a couple weeks. I wouldnt necessarily order a beer with a meal. It felt good, finally I was drinking like a normal person!

Slowly, and by slowly I mean over a course of 6 months, my beer intake grew. As I grew confident I didnt have a problem…I slowly drank more. A 12 pack went from 2 weeks, to 1 week, to every couple days, to daily…to not being enough in a day. Not ordering a beer with dinner, went to ordering 1…to 2…to 3.

I lives 5 miles from work…started buying 1 tall boy after work…Just a sip on the road I live on…to cracking it open before I started the car…to 4 tallboys drank before i pulled into my driveway 5 miles away.

This disease loves to tell us that we have it under control. It’s a horrible joke.

If you find yourself relapsing frequently, understand that: 1) you are not alone, 2) you are listening to your addiction, 3) there are those here with solid advice that will help you, 4) saying “no” to your addiction will not kill you, 5) saying “yes” to it will.

1086…still sober, and loving every second of it…here endith my ramble

Stay sober, you deserve a sober life

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It really does!

Thank you for sharing your wisdom…it’s such a blessing to know that there are folks who understand, and that none of us are truly alone in this!

Blessings to you @Thirdmonkey! May happiness and health continue to be yours!

:blush::raised_hands:t2::ocean::sun_with_face:

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sounds like a wise old sponsor

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53 years sober this year

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Amen to this! Thank you for your post and great work on 1086 days, blessings to you and yours :pray:t2::two_hearts:

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Ive only got another 18 years to catch up , lol my friend TONY not doing to badly aswellTONY

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Great share!!!

I remember those days but I also have to remember the following:
47b7b3c3d7b1e29dd14d3fff72f7f8d5

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I used that saying with a non-drinker…such a strange look I got.

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Ha. I said this saying to my brother when he told me the he used to be an alcoholic. I got that same blank expression from him

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@ThePower.

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Thought I would bump this up. Hope it helps someone

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I have 224 days today, a good run, yet still fragile. Honestly it is sneaky.

My dad died yesterday. As I lay in bed last night processing, trying to woo myself to sleep, I thought, “Im glad Im sober, I would be a wreck through all this had I kept drinking instead of quitting like I did.”

Fast forward to today at work and I had that thought :thought_balloon: “I could have a drink, I deserve it…” immediately I saw it for what it was, alcoholic mind. What I deserve is much better than that, and I already have it being alcohol free :pray:

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So sorry for your loss. Glad you didnt drinl!

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I’m so sorry for your loss. Someone very wise told me when I really struggled with the death of someone very close to me in my early sobriety that if I drank, I would be tainting their memory with my relapse for life and they didn’t deserve that. They deserved to be honored and remembered properly. If I would have drank, I would have looked back on their passing and always remembered my relapse instead. This kept me sober as it was right. My alcoholism tried to tell me it was a good idea to drink as that’s how I used to cope but I’m thankful for another alcoholic in recovery that spoke those words to me as that was what kept me sober during that time. So did reaching out to talk to my support team. Which I honestly believed saved my life because I’m not sure I could have made it back if I had drank then. I’ve had to learn how to do things differently when I’m uncomfortable and leaning on my sober people instead of a bottle when I’ve needed it has been a true blessing in my life. It gives me life where alcohol only took it away from me. Thinking of you! You can get through this sober and you don’t have to do it alone.

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Thanks for the condolences.

Its a fleeing thought. I dont romanticize it. Drinking brought me to the lowest point of my life. It gave me visions like reading my palm, through the bottom of a bottle I could see my future, there wasnt one… staying the course is my only option for a happy life :bowing_man:

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