Really struggling today😢
Nothing has really triggered it just feeling like I am missing out.
I know I am not but I am wanting just one drink. Keep telling myself I have been good and deserve it.
So angry that my big monster is niggling away at me. I know I can never have that one drink as it will spiral out of control again and the bad far out weighted the good times. But why are these thoughts tormenting me when I know I can do so much harm to myself. 110 day now but days getting a little darker. Is it common to have down times? Think the excitement of reaching 100 days has worn off now waiting for half a year then one year… Will I ever stop counting and just BE
I know for my journey with sobriety there are definitely ups and downs. I am 2 days behind you and I just got through a rough patch. Didn’t crave alcohol but I was just miserable in my own feelings! I climbed back out of my own head and so happy I never tried to numb those feelings. I guess that non addicts deal with feelings all the time but we ran so hard from them. So what ever you are going through know at least one other person has felt the same way. Do what ever you have done to get you this far until it improves. For me it was praying for my soon to be ex to be happy with her new boyfriend. It all came back to my step work. Good luck.
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Hi @NatalieE. Sorry you are struggling today. “Missing out” is a myth. The only thing alcoholics miss out on is life, by destroying it. You “deserve” sobriety, I wouldn’t wish this kind of drinking on even my enemy. We can’t have just one drink or even one bottle.
It is common to have down times at any stage, months, years, even decades. After all life still happens. I don’t know if we will ever stop counting, maybe not days, maybe at least in months. The AA meeting I go to people have 5, 10, 20 years and still feel they need to and want to go. I’m having a rough day too. (I posted in in the daily check-in)
Just get through today.
I’ve noticed I can go weeks without these thoughts and then when an opportunity presents itself, it’s like day one again. Last week I had to make risotto and my hubby went outside to do man things (BBQ) and he just left me alone with this task, recipe in front of me.
Well the ingredients include cooking wine. I stared at that cooking wine…hard. And then it took me a while to stop thinking about it. That’s just an example, but there will be times when your addict brain is telling you to give in, just a taste, you deserve it, whatever. Don’t do It!!!
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@Chad_R @JohnSee
In a way I am glad I am not alone but it pains me to know other good people are struggling.
I will get through, I have to. Some saying vaguely sounds like 'if you haven’t got to where you want to be the journey hasn’t ended’
Went back to reading my self help books and reminding myself of the person I am trying to be. Just need to get motivated.
@Elisabeth I have been there sat for one whole night once on the kitchen floor staring hard at a whiskey bottle. I do believe though that these are things sent to test our resolve.
I did get asked by my mother in law ‘dont you miss it’ n my reply was ‘it wasn’t making me happy anymore’ shocked myself with that one! 
My partner even asked her prior to this to not quiz me on my drinking yet she still felt she should ask the question. Does make you think how blinded some people are to the perception of drinking and its so called benefits.
Enlightenment and education must be the way forward.
Well so far everyone l😁
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So common! You learn a lot during those times! It’s best to call other newcomers and ask how they are doing, do as much service and meetings as possible and watch how your world changes. Anything to help anyone, open a door even, pick up trash, ask anyone how they are and listen. It’s magic and only in these dark places do we find the magic that happens by taking opposite actions! plus it gets better in general, you’re doing great.
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You should research PAWS with recovery and I think that will explain everything very well that you are feeling and experiencing at this stage in your recovery. I wish you luck and hang in there…you got this. 
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Sobriety, just like life in general, has its ups and downs. All we can do is change our perception of things.
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