Basically as the title says. My mom’s an alcoholic and unfortunately the genes passed down to me. For years I’ve struggled with drinking and today’s the day I can finally admit I have a problem. I am an alcoholic. I don’t know when to stop once I start drinking. I let it turn me into a monster I don’t even know. It’s affecting my work and relationship with my husband. Not to mention my health. It’s hard not hating myself right now.
We had a big fight last night after I finished off a bottle of wine. I said some really terrible things that I can’t take back. I tried going into work today, but I felt like crap and looked like crap and couldn’t stop crying. I left after an hour cause I honestly shouldn’t have even gone in. I needed a mental health day. But idk how to help myself.
I can’t really afford proper therapy right now. My husband just quit his job so he can be closer to home, and I know he’s stressed. I wish I could take back every time I’ve gotten drunk and yelled at him and hurt him. He doesn’t deserve the hell I put him through. I don’t want to keep going down this path.
I guess this is my cry for help on this journey. I’m not even 30 yet and I’ve let alcohol control my life for too long. I’m thinking about joining AA, I saw there’s a couple meetings tonight in my area. But I’m just scared I guess. Of being judged, or failing.
Any advice right now would be appreciated, thank you in advance.
This is a great first step admitting you have a problem and you’re not alone With the consequences you’re experiencing because of your drinking.. I had very similar consequences and I’m sure a lot of people on here did. I would highly suggest going to that meeting tonight! Alcoholics anonymous has tremendously helped my life. Working the steps with my sponsor has helped me come to terms with my past and the choices I’ve made, it’s helped me deal with resentments and make amends, it has helped me with my character defects which can turn into shortcomings. Alcoholics Anonymous helps me stay in today and stay sober and because of the program I don’t have to worry about the future. The only requirement for membership to alcoholics anonymous is a desire to stop drinking. Everything else they’re going to say is suggestions but I would take the suggestions. Also I want to say welcome to the community this is a really great place full of a lot of wonderful people and there is great advice and support on here and it’s 24 seven so you’ll always have help or guidance or somebody to talk to. You can be sober and happy without alcohol and live a peaceful and content life. You can do this and you’re not alone
Ps: There is no judgment in AA Just a lot of people that understand and want to help. You will find a community of people that understand what you’re going through and you’ll be surrounded by people that are trying to better their life. It’s a really wonderful community. If you have any specific questions I will try my best to answer. Just give it a chance and give it a try. It doesn’t matter how much you drank or what you drank or how old you are what matters is that alcohol does not work in your life anymore and you want to change..
So many mornings I’ve come to after a horrific night thinking “Never Again!!” For many years I thought it would be just that easy. I would draw that line in the sand and say I’m DONE. I had no idea of the powerful chokehold my disease had me in. I was right around your age when things really started to unravel. I thought I had lost about everything at that point…. I was sorely mistaken. I was a lunatic with untreated alcoholism.
I could have written this myself. I was at a low place and knew I needed to make a change, but I really didn’t know how. So, I came here, and realized, I wasn’t alone.
Keep coming back here and you won’t be alone, that I can promise you.
For now, take care of yourself and take it one day at a time. Change is hard and uncomfortable, but through the discomfort is growth. Welcome to the family, you’re right where you need to be.
Welcome and congratulations on your day 1!! I am also not drinking today, so you aren’t alone. The unknown and fear of failure are definitely scary, but I think getting deeper into alcohol and regretting your behavior, etc is a whole lot scarier and more to lose, you know? I was an ass to my husband as well, for a long time, I deeply regret that. You are young and now is a great time to make some positive changes. It is rough early on, but honestly, it gets way way way better over time…it does take time…and is so worth it. I say hit a meeting and keep coming back here as often as possible…someone is always around. And most importantly, remember your WHY and don’t pick up that first drink. You can do this!! 
Welcome to the community @JessMeg013
Congrats on taking that first big step of Day 1. I remember mine well when I showed up to this place just a little over 5 months ago with a lot of the same regrets and terrible feelings you just described. My advice is to keep showing up her everyday and read around and take part where you are comfortable and maybe check out that meeting and see what you think. You can do this you just have to make it to bed sober tonight ( I’ll do it too) . Then you worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
One year sober after countless shit-show displays. DUI, night in jail, lots more, as you can imagine. I walked into an AA meeting with my tail between my legs. I cried a lot in that meeting. I let it out. I was blown away with the support and understanding. It was the exact opposite of judgement. I had considered going several times and lost my courage. Hopefully you are smarter than I was and it won’t take legal action against you as your final wake-up call. I sincerely wish you peace. It will take some type of action on your part. Alcohol is evil whennit takes hold. Hugs to you.
@JessMeg013 Welcome to the community 
You’ve done the first most important thing.
You’ve admitted that you have a problem with alcohol, that you are an alcoholic and in it’s current state your life is unmanageable.
All I can do is echo what everyone here has said, and I wholeheartedly recommend going to a meeting.
AA’s kept me sober for a while and hopefully it’ll do the same for you.
Stay strong, stay safe & stay sober.
&
AA works for people who want to stay sober it worked for me and that first meeting was a while ago now so maybe try ameeting get phone numbers wish you well
I agree with this.
I get why you’re scared, @JessMeg013, but hopefully you went, and if you didn’t hopefully you go soon.
One day at a time.
You’ve come to agreement with you’re faults and hopefully you find good things that work to help your change.
Help you get sober.
Best wishes.
@JessMeg013 how are you doing today?