It’s bad, I tried for awhile on and off getting sober, I’m at a fuckin all time low, had a dr appointment today, need a skull X-ray a sleep apnea test and blood work and to lose 150 lbs from 310, my throat was fucked up the last month or so I chem burnt my mouth to shit, my nose is nothing but a shell I can’t get more than three four days in, I’m gonna die because of this shit, I’m losing myself, I speak out and I’m told the same shit everywhere and I understand it’s on me, but I think I’m just gonna die like this because I can’t do it bud, I’m young as fuck and I’m lost worse than I ever thought I’d be. There ain’t nothing to blame it on but me, I’m my own problem, but I don’t think I’m gonna be my own answer.
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Waiting for mental health to get back with one on one care, have denied detox over and over again, I get my few days clean in and I’m convinced it’s alright and I don’t need it, then it’s too late and I’m back in my cycle
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Hang in there. 16 days ago I checked myself into the er… gram a day heroin user here for a year. I shot 3 grams trying to end it, it didn’t work. They told me in a month I would have been dead if hadn’t come in. Down to 99 lbs from 220 a year ago … dehydrated and unable to eat. 15 days later I’m clean. No methadone. No Suboxone… just vivitrol. At my parents as I was homeless. But I’m clean … depressed as hell…and craving up a storm. I’m hydrated… I’m eating again. And I back up to 107lbs. God is more powerful… and he’s in it for you! Hang in there
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Incredible bounce back Lori. So inspirational. Congrats!! 
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Just letting him know… it’s never to far gone as long as you are still alive.
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100% agreed. Never give up. We just gotta keep trying!
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I personally think “Too far gone” is just a mental construct put in place in order to allow us to keep doing what we are/were doing. It’s just like throwing up your hands and saying, “May as well have a drink!” Because that is what our brain wants. It’ll try any old trick in the book to get it, and that’s one of them. I agree with others here on this one. Inpatient rehab sounds like it can really help people out of what seems like an impossible spot. I wish you the best my friend. Keep checking back.
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It is on you in as much as you are the only person that can decide what path you take. But that doesn’t mean doing it alone. It’s great that you’re in touch with the mental health team, maybe worth bring up detox again and bookmarking this thread to remind you of the cycle you get into? This community is also a huge source of information and support, make the most of it! Read as much as you can, keep checking in and reach out whenever you need to 
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I agree, griffen? Griffen is a great name !
But the reality is, you are. We are all own answer to most degree. We seek out external answers to assist with our recovery , but ultimately we are our own hero’s. Our own reason. The only one person that can be the answer to own our sobriety. You can do it. You really just have to want to. There are many people on here with successful stories of sobriety and you will and can be one of them 
