I had been sober for 7 days and just had another trigger set me back to 0. It’s like I knew it was going to happen - and I’m really ashamed and dissapointed once again. My neighbor gets blow sometimes and I used to always partake and we would hang out and chat. Since I’ve decided to stop, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve really been actively trying, I knew I should tell him to keep it away from me and don’t give me any if I ask. But I was avoiding it. I walked over there today and said hi (it’s been about two weeks since we did any together) and he showed me a big pile, so I crumbled and did some with him… and took some back to my place. Now I feel anxious and sad.
I hadn’t drank in a couple weeks and then I met up with an old friend and, even after telling her I wasn’t going to drink, I did it anyway. It ended up being so much I couldn’t get out of bed the next day. It sucks. I look back afternoon I had a perfectly good time without drinking.
With that being said, I think it’s important not to beat yourself up. In my experience, it just leads to going right back to it even more. It’s important to have the conversation. It’s hard the first time and depending on who you are and the people in your life, it can be hard for a while. But it does get easier. Each person I have known to give up a substance, myself included, has found that some people are just there for the substance and not for you. And those people make it hard to stop. The only way to find them is to have the conversation.
You got this. Don’t give up a rend don’t beat yourself up.
You did the best thing by writing him the note. He may take it more seriously than just a random comment. Just keep vigilant about it though. I’ve tried the same thing numerous time’s with disastrous outcomes each time. I was a financial contributor though so it was harder for them to leave me alone when they needed help. Like they said above some people won’t look out for your well being if they’re high and want comany. I’d steer clear like you have but whatever you find works for you works. Don’t beat yourself up either, all substances are really tough to quit and it’s even harder when it’s thrown at you. Relapse is sometimes a part of recovery just keep moving forward no matter what!
Hey everyone thank you for the kind words it’s really helpful to have after going through something like that to get back on track. My neighbor is a good friend and he means no harm not like a dealer does. He wrote me a text saying that he had a lot of respect for me and wish me the best happiness so I think I have it under control now. i know I was subconsciously keeping him as my “escape plan” and now I took responsibility for that and it won’t happen anymore so I feel happy about that.