Toxic friendship

So I have a friend that I met through my husband back in 2016. He’s kind of caused some issues for us in the past and so we’ve limited spending time with him. He’s always getting in to all sorts of trouble. Last time we hung out with him was over a year ago. He recently got in touch with us and we thought he got his shit together because he said he had a place of his own, a gf who he said he was going to propose to on his bday next week and he was in a band that he’s going on tour with next year. I felt extremely relieved and proud to hear he was doing so well. Well… he just called me saying he has to be out of his rental by 3pm due to some “issues”. He asked if he could stay with us and I asked him about his gf and he said they broke up. I asked if he could stay at his moms and he said they’re not on good terms. I don’t know what to think and I honestly worry about bringing him back into our lives. I don’t even know if I want him knowing where we live… I don’t really trust him. I’m on day three of my recovery and he likes to party… I really don’t want to be put in that situation but I also feel bad leaving him stranded. What would you tell your friend if you were in my shoes? The answer seems simple but he’s pulling at my heartstrings. :slightly_frowning_face:

I’ve pretty much made up my mind that I don’t want him here. I just don’t know how to tell him no. Hate feeling like the bad guy but he needs to grow up.


That sucks but by instinct of all things toppling down he must have relapsed. Thats probably not a good situation for you or your relationship. All you can do is wish him well…:confused:


Yeah I think so too. He said it was because of being behind on rent but as far as I knew a landlord at least where we live can’t just kick you out. They have to take you to court to get you evicted and it can be a process. I feel like he’s hiding something.

Definitely not :slightly_smiling_face: Glad you think so too. As far as telling him I would just be honest on how you feel about the situation (and leave out what you don’t feel comfortable sharing).

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No is a complete sentence. And you shouldn’t feel guilty. When I was homeless none of my friends would take me in. Most wouldn’t answer the phone. I applaud them for their decision.


You’re so right. I shouldn’t feel bad. I did this for him once before and it went horribly for us. This is why we stopped hanging out with him. So I certainly don’t want to be put in this situation again.

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Thank you so much everyone. I told him no. :heart:


Like laying on the train tracks, wondering when the next train will come through.

Like cosigning on a loan. You just know your gonna end up paying it off.

Do you really need this in your life? All of his issues and problems now become yours? Especially while trying to maintain sobriety?

I had a couple of friends who wanted to keep on living in the moment, but where stuck in time. They didn’t want to grow up and own their crap.

We aren’t friends anymore.

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“No” is such a powerful word. Good on you for using it.

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The title of your thread says it all.

You know the answer. You definitely need to focus on yourself and having a healthy living environment. Now is not the time to get distracted into someone else’s chaos.

I know it is hard to say no, but I also know the relief you will feel will be greater. Rule #236, you cannot take care of others til you take care of you.


Please put your recovery first … your doing great on day 3 and u dont need any stress or upset to drag u down … x good luck x

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So true guys! I do need to focus on me. I nicely told him no. I didn’t get into much detail just said we couldn’t and wished him well. My damn big heart has often gotten me in more trouble than good lol. Being empathetic can be a blessing and a curse.


So proud of u as i hate saying no to people and know how it makes u feel x

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I will be putting my recovery first from now on. I use to put myself in a lot of situations that didn’t help keep me sober. In the end I made the decision to drink again so it’s no ones fault but my own but I don’t want to be triggered again. Having him here will no doubt make me want to drink and I refuse to let that happen.


Thank you so much love! :heart::heart:

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So happy to hear you aren’t going to allow him to stay. You are under no obligation to even feel bad about saying no. He sounds like he’s taking everything down around him. Please focus on your recovery (which it sounds like you’re doing :heart:)


He certainly is it seems. I wonder what he’s hiding from me. Oh well not my problem! He’s responded to me telling him no and I don’t even want to read his texts. Right now I’m occupying myself with cleaning and you lovely people. :two_hearts:

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Oh I know that feeling of not wanting to read a text when you know it’s going to kinda be a low blow (potentially). Good call waiting to read it or don’t read it at all and delete


I might actually do that. As awful as it sounds I just know he’s the type to not take no for an answer and I don’t need that drama. I love how he just assumed I would say yes cause I have in the past and he said he had a ride and wanted my address… eyeroll