Toxic Positivity is a topic that comes up from time to time in media, social media etc.
How has toxic positivity affected you? Is it something that affects your mental health? Does it affect your sobriety?
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I honestly feel like toxic positivity can be a very dismissive way of handling a situation. It can come across as sort of minimizing the persons situations and does not, what so ever validate a person’s emotions. I have spoken this way to others in the hopes of helping someone (and it had the opposite effect). It has happened to me at different times thruout my life also and it didn’t help. These examples in ur post are due to people trying to “fix” the situation… and sometimes people don’t want their problem to be fixed. Sometimes people just want others to listen. And when that person gets shut down so quickly with a “toxic positivity” comment, it destroys communication and shuts that other person down. I have learned to ask others what they need from me… if they want me to help or if they just want me to listen 
and always validate that person’s emotions. I also use “I” statements instead of saying “You should do this to help urself”… I would say, “I hear what ur saying and it sound so frustrating. When this has happened to me, I did this and it helped. Maybe it would be worth trying if ur up for it” (or something along those lines). People sometimes don’t like being told what to do lol but suggestions help
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Oh man, this has me written all over it. Definitely a work in progress on this one…not just on here, but in my life in general.
I think for me it comes back to learning to be okay with feeling uncomfortable…as well as allowing others their own experience.
Plenty of food for thought.
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It’s a hard one for sure. I’m glad u posted! Ur not alone. With those close to me my 1st reaction is to want to fix, fix, fix bcuz I dont want to see them hurting. But its not always my job to do that. I used to give soo much of myself trying to fix others, that I began to suffer and forget about myself. I try to remind myself that I’m not responsible to fix others. I can help, if they want it (but I have to watch that I don’t voluntarily give my advice when it’s not needed). Hard work for sure bcuz I think we are very much helping people
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Love how u worded this!!! I couldn’t have worded it better honestly. I need to remember this 
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I was in a therapy session this week (a whole other story…deep tissue and emotional release therapy…kind of an amazing process)…anyway…the therapist was mentioning the tendency as a parent to want to shield our children not just from harm, but also from difficult situations, etc…and reminded me that having difficult situations and learning how to move thru them is how we grow. Also, that we are not doing our children any favors when we try to fix things for them. That we rob them of their experience and learning…no matter how well intended we are. It was pretty impactful…even tho I know this…it still helped to hear it in that setting. I have struggled for a long time in trying to offer solutions for my (very adult) daughter…as opposed to simply listening and yes, allowing her her own experience. This tendency definitely bleeds into the forum as well. A few people on here have brought it up to me and I am grateful for that. I haven’t overcome the tendency, but I am aware of it and work towards being better at listening and just being with someone’s experience.
And your point about fixing…yes!! We are no one’s savior, but our selves.
I really appreciate your perspective. Thank you for sharing!
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Wow what u said is very powerful! I think we often know these things but yes to hear it (sometimes in diff ways) really can click in a diff way in our minds. I appreciate ur input and ur thoughts on this! I’ve learned new things also!
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Could not have said it better myself; well done, Dana. Toxically positive people will just drop their “wisdom bombs” on you and walk away like they are some kind of hero, unaware that they’ve probably made you feel worse. I am to this very day incredibly selective about whom I share my feelings with. I feel safer talking here than I do in the regular world.
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Yes!! I was having a bad day a while ago and a well intentioned friend really glossed over it. It needs to be ok to sit with hard and uncomfortable feelings to experience them and move on. It’s not good to just put on a happy face and not deal with things.
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Yes me too!!! I really don’t think alot of people do these toxic positivity comments on purpose to hurt, but they definitly don’t help. I always feel like its a way to just shut down the conversation quickly and not allow the person who is hurting to express themselves and to have that safe space to open up my husband actually does this alot. He is a “fixer” and will say 1 short sentence to just “solve” the situation. And I will tell him that it doesn’t really help. I tell him that there’s many ways to “help”. You don’t have to be verbal… sometimes just holding a hand or a hug, or cuddling, making someone food, or even giving space is helping, Theres many ways to help. Silence is okay too. I used to hate silence but it’s another form of communication also.
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This thread just reminded me of something I read a long time ago:
“When a man shares his feelings, he’s usually soliciting advice. When a woman shares, she usually just wants to vent.” Over the years, I’ve lived with a married couple on 3 separate occasions and for the most part, that statement has been true. I agree the toxic positive person generally doesn’t understand what to say in a given situation.
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Yes!!!
Sounds so simple, and yet…we struggle so against the uncomfortable.
Finding the peace in the pain and releasing it.
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And what we want/need in each moment of sharing is ever changing…so being clear and upfront about it is necessary…and yet…we rarely are.
So much to learn!!
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A couple of forum members recommended non violent communication to me years ago. The name of it sounds a bit different from what it truly is…but it really resonated and I think it speaks to the theme of this thread.
I don’t practice it enough and this thread is reminding me to start reading this book again. Maybe it is of interest to others.
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Reminds me of what I posted elsewhere
I have learned that pausing before I open my mouth, iscthe best medicine when communicating with someone…especially in cases where toxic positivity can take place.
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