It’s hard when you don’t want to but are making the choice. I know for a fact it hurts my closet person and people. Being the first hour it’s not so bad here’s to first day, first week, first month, first year, and hoping. Fuck I didn’t think I did that much drugs.
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It is hard when that thought comes in. One trick I use is to imagine I’m sitting on the side of a river. My thoughts and feelings are the boats floating by. They may catch my attention, but that doesn’t mean I have to get on. I can let them drift along - and eventually, they all do. And I am back to myself.
Join a meeting & it’ll help you feel less alone. There’s a zillion of them here, worldwide; you can always find one. You can go to four meetings a day if you want to. Gives you something to do with your time! 
https://virtual-na.org/meetings/
Welcome
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Nice analogy, I’ll try that 
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