For me the day came where I realized I needed this place more than I need to express my offensiveness. And over more time I have beçome more accepting and open-minded to things I was very close minded about. Being here has helped me learn to be nicer.
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I genuinely know I dont need to be offensive.
This day in age I can think before reaction.
If I wrote how I spoke a lot of the time itd be riddled with foul language. 
. Ive been raised with an open mind and the workds ive walked in dont leave much room for me being offended these days either.
Bouncing/doorman taught me patience. Mental health and addiction taught me to be nicer to people. My mum raised me on respect for people no matter where in life you are.
I think in some way or another we need to do a bit better in life no one is perfect. Id just like to see us all get along especially with all the division in the world as it is.
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Was waiting for that to happen.
The old “hey brother how are you?” Quickly followed by the “g can you score?”
Ive worked hard to be free of that drug since December last year. Told all my old hook ups not to sell to me any more. Thats been respected.
Funny this person isnt just any person to hes a good friend someone I treat as family. His parents I call mum and dad. Just thought he’d try though. I get it, he respected my answer.
I want to see him succeed in life, hes been through a shit load of traumatic events in the last few years. I understand why he uses. I just want him to see the value of not only his life but his families as well.
Part reason why I cant do much contact with him.
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I saw Korn for the 3rd time last year. They headlined download festival here in the UK. It’s the biggest rock festival we have.
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I caught that show on YouTube!
Looked like a good one!
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Its been a good day with family today. Saw my mum early arvo then onto hannahs sister’s place later on was nice to celebrate mothers day on both sides.
I got to see my favourite nephew and meet his new gf. Hes growing up. Will become a great man I reckon. Trying my best to help him navigate his teen years teaching him as much harm reduction as I can. He actively listens to most things I talk to him about.
4 days till im on my family land. 3 days till deftones and 2 days till im back in my old city.
Im feeling a few feelings right now will make for an interesting trip for sure. Im catching up with a sober friend pre gig for dinner so that’ll be good. Post gig ill see how I feel if I end up going to see friends at a bar or I head back to house to sleep knowing I have a road trip a head of me the next day.
I have to go sit and speak with my tribal elders before we are back the next day to film. This is yet another reason to stay sober. Id find it disrespectful to turn up hung over.
Then it will be a day or two of filming and hopefully I can catch up with some of my family and sit on one of my favourite beachs for a bit while im there too.
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Sober gigs are fucking ace. Spewing I didn’t get to Deftones last night but simply couldn’t afford it. Hope you have a ripper time mate
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Thank you bro! Im looking forward to it.
Must remember to pack ear plugs too!
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I have been so busy. i hope all is well
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Yeah brother im good just needed a day sort myself out after all the travel 20 days again today.
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All right sober homies here’s my trip in pictures
Starting Auckland cities main center. There isnt much. But ill answer any questions.
whats left as a refurbishment of my favourite venue in Auckand City the Saint James Theater. There is a rebuild channel on YouTube.
This is Saint Kevin’s arcade I did a lot of growing up here as mum used to work in a shop here many moons ago.
each of these photos were taken to show mum what has become of stores where we knew people or had been there a long time.
Queen Street top to bottom
a trip to Auckland wouldn’t be complete without stopping at my favourite record store Real Groovy Records. This is the third place its been now. Britomart station. Heading into the city. Mangere Bridge on the way to see a friend i hadn’t seen or heard from in a long time. Was a good way to relax pre concert.
Ill post part 2 in the coming days but for the most of it this is where I grew up. It was hard to see how bad Auckland city had become while you cant see it or understand the changes I do.
Walking those streets was tough. It’ll make a come back im sure.
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Looks awesome mate. As a keen photographer I’d love to visit The Land of the Long White Cloud someday. Some of the most picturesque landscapes in the world. Also love to visit Whakatāne just so I can pronounce it out loudly. Take it easy bro.
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You’d love it here @Seb highly recommend coming to the south island thats where the real beauty is.
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Thanks for sharing 
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So here is home. The place im hoping my body will be laid to rest.
This is our land. Where our family live humbly and look after what we have. Theres a very long story as to all of this but thats for another time.
My spiritual home. The place that lights my soul and becons me to live. The closer I get to this land I can feel it. Leaving it always feels like my soul is leaving my body. Thats how strong my ties are.
our river running under the bridge that connects our land to our Marae through that gap in the trees are where my whanau(family) are buried. some more of the Wairoa River. the veiw from our burial ground back to the river. and just me home. Where our people meet our Marae.
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So cool Trav! Thanks for sharing. I’m happy your feeling content sober. Good luck on your employment hunt. I hope you find the best gig you have ever had. 25 days! 
I find your roots/culture fascinating. Its awesome to have that. I’m white trash. I’ve always felt like a native American trapped in a Caucasian body. I feel a deep connection to earth and nature and all who feel it too.
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If there is anything you ever want to ask brother do so and ill try my best to answer it.
Man I feel you on that, givin my complextion I dont fit the mould of what most our people look like.
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Day 35
I promise you guys im still here and fighting the good fight. Im a little more settled at the moment. Have found a little motivation and pushed myself back in the gym. I set a day and stuck to it.
Im checking in less. Im not sure why. But im good. Have 0 desire to be back where I was.
My goal is simply progress.
Still not working but thats not an important issue at the moment thankfully. We are in the position for me to take on some part time work so I can make some of that progress as well as start a little side hustle.
Im around.
Much love
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Day 42.
I have my behind planted firmly to the couch.
I lost someone. A friend. A 2nd Dad. Family. Not by blood or marriage just a good friends dad who was a safe place. Somewhere I could go to use and drink safely with out judgement. But it saved me from either using somewhere I didnt want to be or being a menace.
Right now the feelings of doing these things are very real.
He was old school. A biker in his younger years. He was as broken as I was, his last remaining son a good friend of mine. We fit together well.
Now hes in the arms of his 2 lost boys.
The next few days will be tough. While I feel like this its almost time to celebrate my wife’s birthday too.
Feeling a bit rough. Will see what if anything that the family needs from me.
Fuck Cancer.
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Bad days and good ones Trav. We don’t drink because drinking doesn’t do any good whatsoever. The opposite is true, despite what that voice in your head is telling you. I know you know. Thanks for being here. We’re in this together. Hang in there friend. And fuck cancer.
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