Trigger warning (SA, alcohol, etc)

Okay so I’m new here. I was an every day and night drinker for about 4 or 5 years before this incident. 20 days ago I was abducted by a complete stranger in a bar parking lot, raped, and dumped in the middle of nowhere half naked and hysterical. I haven’t drank any alcohol since that night. I reported it (even though the cops told me they have "about a zero percent chance of catching the man who did this to me so that’s lovely), got the exam, got tested, etc. 10 days ago when i went to get my blood lab tests done to see if I have contracted HIV or any other kind of STD or pregnancy, they assured me it would be 3 days at the latest until the results came back. Here i am now with still no results. I’ve been calling all week and they keep telling me that the doctor is reviewing my results or they can’t locate my file. I went up there today in person to ask about it and a nurse brought me into a private room and told me he got “verbal confirmation” about my results but couldn’t tell me yet because they wanted to be sure before, and that he would make sure they call me first thing tomorrow morning. I sat in my car in their parking lot for about a half hour afterwards crying my eyes out because I’m just so scared of not knowing. It’s making me want to drink so fucking badly and I know I shouldn’t and that it doesn’t really help in the long run, but i don’t have a support system and I’m a mess. I just dont really know where I’m at or what to do and so I guess I figured I’d just post here to just rant at the least. Thanks for reading. Sorry for dumping this all here I’m just trying so hard to stay sober.

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Geezze pal, my heart breaks for you that you had to go thru that. I really don’t know what to say other than I’m so sorry. I am glad you were able to post here. I hope some people will reply with something better than I could.

For what it’s worth I am very proud of you and your 20 days. That’s strength right there. Please don’t drink. It won’t help. Maybe my friend @BrookieB can give ya somethin.

Best wishes

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I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through! Do not drink! That will only make things worse. Be strong :muscle:t3: it’s good you’ve reached out. I wish I could give you a hug. I’m praying for you…

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I am so so sorry you went through such a horrific experience. October 2016 I was raped by a married friend of mine and my boyfriend who has a daughter my age and two younger kids. He told me to pull my shit together and that he thought I would be more mature about it. He tried to blackmail and manipulate me, he threatened me and justified the fact that he raped me. I didn’t report it because I felt like no one who believe me but I did tell lhis wife who believed me completely and went on to divorce him. Literally by the end of the next day, I had completely gone off the rail. I started drinking every day so I wouldn’t have to think about it. I started cutting myself (something I had overcome in the past and hadn’t done in a few years). It was awful. My boyfriend, my mom, and my friends just watched as I went from this vibrant, outgoing, confident girl to this empty shell of chaos. I had nightmares every night for almost a year, I would scream in my sleep, I couldn’t even kiss my boyfriend for a whole month and even now, it’s still difficult for me to be intimate with him without freaking out. I ran into my rapist back in May and had a total meldown and drank myself into nothingness. I had panic attacks all over the place and felt like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin (i honestly still feel that way.

Take it from me, drinking makes the entire situation worse. It makes you feel worse than you did before and even though you try to numb yourself it does the exact opposite and floods you with negative emotion. Do not let him be the reason your sobriety is threatened.

You did not deserve to go through what you went through. It wasn’t your fault. You’re not a bad person. Please stay strong and stay sober. If you need anyone to talk to, I’m always here. I’ve made it 100 days so far and so can you!

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Oh I’m so sorry this happened to you. Drinking will only make you feel worse. Maybe you should make an appt to see a psychologist or therapist. That may help. Again, I’m sorry :heart:

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I’ve had one crisis counseling shesh and start group tonight :crossed_fingers:

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Thanks so much :two_hearts: virtual hugs help too lmao its the thought that counts, right? :joy: i survived the night!

Your reply helped plenty! It’s nice just to have validation and support homie :two_hearts: i survived the night so thank y’all for being there

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Girl I feel you on a spiritual level lol. Thanks so much for sharing your story with me, it means the world :two_hearts:

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And the “do not let him be the reason your sobriety is threatened” is making me feel so much stronger thank you so much :two_hearts::two_hearts::two_hearts:

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I’d like to take the lot of these cowardly so called predators and string them up by their cajones. These aren’t men, they’re sub human dirtbags. I’m so sorry for what happened to you Dear Heart. Big hugs. :ireland:

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Situations like that just make me very angry especially with men you women are strong don’t get me wrong but it comes to physical strength you guys are at a disadvantage and men like him and any other man for that matter that does something horrific like that should be dealt with accordingly what you had to put up with the blackmailing and all that other stuff I think that’s a horrible way to make somebody you supposedly love live in existence like that but look at you now you’re doing fine just without him congratulations on getting away from your past and moving forward with your future while you’re focusing on the present

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That is horrific, I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope you were offered some sort of counselling.
You are stronger than you think and give yourself time to heal.

Your sobriety is worth more than that insignificant piece of arse hair, who did that to you. Don’t worry, they will get what’s coming to them.

Big Hug :heart: