I’m on day 45. Up until today, at this moment, it’s been more or less a breeze. A few mild cravings, but immediately followed by ghost pains from past hangovers to keep me in line. I’m out of town at the moment, and have been for the last two weeks. I’ve been doing a course that I really enjoyed, and I also reached some positive, life-changing epiphanies, as you do when you travel. It’s all been really positive so far.
That is until today, when a cousin of mine, who has been more like an older sister to me, made a decision that really hurt me. I won’t bore those of you reading this with the details, but I feel so betrayed, disappointed, uncared for by her and taken advantage of. I can’t shake it. I’m of two minds: one who wants to get back at her, and the other who wants to find a way to let these feelings go because it is wasted energy for someone who cares so little for me. I know what’s right, and believe me, I’m trying. But at the moment, the news is fresh, and my emotional, irrational mind won’t let up. So I want to drown it with a drink.
For the record, I won’t. I’ve got this, and I will not give up on sobriety for her. But the craving is intense, and I’ve got 3 hours to sit and stew as I wait for my ride home. I’ve talked to my friends, who empathise, but are staying diplomatic on the matter. Which brings me to this forum. I guess I’m just venting. Letting out the steam to people who understand the difficulty of taking the high road and facing negative emotions head-on, when numbing them has been the road of choice for so long.
If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading. Thanks for supporting me, and all of us daily. Thanks for sharing your stories, your struggles and inspiring us with your successes. There’s a lot of shitty people out there, and though I haven’t been very active in the threads, your words of wisdom have carried me every day for the last 45 days, and I think you should all know that. Keep being great.