Triggers and relapsing, death and trauma tw

Relapses
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Fuck my life. So context, i watches my abuser kill herself via gunshot when i was 4. She had physically and sexually abused me for a year (ages 3-4) and one night she pulled out a gun and blew her brains out. So no duh but loud popping noises are a huge i mean HUGE trigger for me.

And with my luck of course we had balloons at school today. And some asshole popped one in math class and i travelled back in time :upside_down_face:. I got home at the end of the day, opened the cupboard and drank. Im coming off of it a bit now, fuck my head hurts. I did good for like 3 1/2 months, now i have to start over.

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Unfortunately we can’t control the world around us and triggers that occur, but we can learn to control our reactions to these triggers. Right now your learned reaction is drinking like mine is as well. You need to replace these things with other calming methods such as talk therapy, yoga, exercising, meditation, breathing, drawing… whatever it is that calms your mind in a healthy manner. On that note, I hope you feel better.

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Oh my God. You had every right to feel awful but not the best way of dealing. Can’t heal while hiding from your emotions. Take care of yourself.

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Feel better! Trauma therapy and the 12 steps have helped me stay on track with my healing, I hope you find some resources that help you just as much!

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Hey buddy, I am so glad to hear you went over 3 months sober, that’s HUGE! Amazing! Just remember those days are yours, they aren’t gone.

A close friend of mine has PTSD from his time in Afghanistan; he has severe anxiety around fireworks, like at baseball games. His PTSD also manifested in an explosive temper at work. He started seeing a trauma therapist and says its been helpful. Maybe seeing a therapist specializing in trauma would help, if you aren’t already (I think I recall you were seeing a therapist, yes?).

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Yeah im seeing a therapist, and i was doing really well for a while so i cut it down to once a month but im making an appointment tomorrow and hopefully I can get in sooner. Today was just really bad timing. But i made it 3ish months before, whos to say i cant do it again right

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You totally can do it again!

If you haven’t already, I would suggest checking out High Sobriety podcast and Recovery Elevator podcast. Both are similar format, they have guests come on and talk about their life as a drug or alcohol addict and then how they got sober. Every story is an amazing inspiration and tons of knowledge and insights are gained from them. A lot of them talk about trauma too, both “little t” and “BIG T” trauma. Maybe it will help.

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Good job getting on here and posting. Dont forget how bad things can get physically and mentally. The headache doesnt get any better with more booze. Trust me.