All triggers are excuses. That’s all they are. My whole life was a giant trigger, a giant excuse. From the minute I woke up if I couldn’t drink I counted down the literal seconds left before I could drink. If it was Sunday and I couldn’t buy before noon, I sure as hell knew when it was gonna be 12:00:01 so I could be at the liquor store. Something bad happens, excuse to drink. Something good happens, excuse to drink. Excuses excuses excuses
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My take is rarely does someone with any lengthy sobriety go from one drink to blackout in a single sitting. At least that’s what I’ve seen here. No, it’s more the sneaky “I’ll have just one. Ok, maybe another. Just one more for the road. See? I can stop when I want. Maybe I’m not an alcoholic anymore…” it’s less like falling off a cliff, and more like falling down a hill.
What we usually see is someone disappears from here, only to return sometimes months later, and tells us that in no time they were back to their past levels of drinking.
Now a binger is a binger. A binger can go from sober to blackout. So were/are you a “pacer” or a “binger”.
Regardless, you see how when you say “yes” to the first, the likelihood of a 2nd or 3rd increases?
Sorry that your relationship ended. It sounds like “sober together” wasn’t in the cards. As my sober brother @CaptAZ says “two weak batteries can’t jump a car”.
Get back on the path, since you haven’t wandered far from it. You’ve decided to be better, now be better. A better you can and will one day have a better relationship with someone else. Right now, build a better relationship with you.
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I was a pacer never a binger and yes what you’ve said makes perfect sense. Thank you oh wise one I do appreciate your input truly 
And @CaptAZ I like that quote. While it makes me sad right now I also know it’s true
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I was a pacer too. My drinking cycles went “drink a little. Drink some more. Drink a lot. Quit. Drink a little…”
Good on you for coming here and owning it. Now get back to getting better at getting better each and every day!
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Yeah what you’ve described is exactly me. Thank you I will do my best to create a better future
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There are triggers and stressors. As a society, we have combined the two words and just use triggers. From a psychology standpoint, they are very different. With that said, as a person with PTSD, I dont get my dander up if someone uses trigger inplace of stressor. They are simply conveying a feeling with a “societal accepted” phrase. Are stressors excuses…yes…when I was drowning in a bottle, those excuses were real and valid to me…are they now…heck no. I try to remember that when someone is new to sobriety. It could be easy for me now, to be dismissive to a newbie’s outlook, but I try not to be…because I have been there, done that. All I can do is tell my story, not take another’s inventory. However, that is me and my path…we are all different.
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Honest and caring words. We all need kindness. Not mollycoddling but definitely kindness
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I think more often than not people use the word trigger when really they mean temptation. We can stand up to temptation. Triggers are much more difficult. They are a non controlled reaction to a situation. Weekend parties are not triggers.
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Really anyone can be triggered into “feeling” things all day long. But at the end of the day we all make the choice to use or not use. “I was triggered by my dog dying so I drank” is using the word “trigger” as though it made the person go out and pick up, and then make them take that first drink or hit. To me trigger is a word that should be used in conversation about PTSD, and not drinking (in my case). The more the word gets tossed around, the more trivial it seems when that shouldn’t be the case. When people who have PTSD are “triggered” they feel and experience things that they can’t control. I also have PTSD. I was robbed with a knife and my throat and I had cops pointing pistols at my head (guy was standing behind me)… he came out of the bathroom at the Starbucks that I worked at and for 2 years after every time someone came out of the bathroom, it triggered severe panick attacks for me. That’s a real trigger. I had no control over this situation. For someone to throw around the word trigger to describe a situation where they saw a commercial and someone was drinking is problematic. In my experience on this forum, the word trigger mostly gets used in relapse posts. Relapse is blamed on “triggers” when really the person made an active choice to use.
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Pretty good definition here :
A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma.
Triggers are very personal; different things trigger different people. The survivor may begin to avoid situations and stimuli that she/he thinks triggered the flashback. She/he will react to this flashback, trigger with an emotional intensity similar to that at the time of the trauma. A person’s triggers are activated through one or more of the five senses: sight, sound, touch, smell and taste.
Food for thought:
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Ps: thanks to whoever revived my zombie thread hahaha. I can’t even remember when I wrote the original post
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You nailed it!!
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