Trudging in sobriety

I think the hardest part of an relationship that you are working on as hard as your sobriety. But it’s causing more pain and tears than joy and peace. I would expect my feelings about something would be valid. But there not. When your crying out to them telling them "hey when you did this, it’s really bothering me. All they do is throw how they stuck with you through your addiction. And there’s nothing wrong with what they did and I shouldn’t feel a certain way. They know your in pain and sad but continue just to call you crazy and tell you your feelings arnt valid. I don’t know how to fix anything anymore. I’m tired. I need God to take this. I want nothing more but to grow and flourish in my marriage. I pray everyday that we love each other unconditional as God loved us. But when situations arise jealousy and suspicion. It’s takes being in a whole lot of pain to reach put to my God. I’m powerlessness, over people places and things. I’m back at step 1. Completely powerless. Detoxing the love hope and years of trying to make our relationship. I failed or we failed. I don’t want blame on anyone. I know now I can’t change the way he thinks. I can’t change the way he feels or anything that he does. I do know that this is very painful but I have no desire to drink over it. Thank God for AA and spiritual tools I was given.

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It’s tough. You got sober but your partner still has fresh wounds that you left behind from before. Also, also you are harboring resentment but, wait for it… you are resentful of your old selfish ways and the damage they have left behind. Let the healing begin. Ask how they feel. Make it about your partner instead of you for once. LISTEN :ear:t2:to them before you bring up the issues. Trust that things are going to get better as you build up your toolbox of shiney new coping skills. This is how the “nOrMaL” people do it. :call_me_hand:t2:

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Sometimes in my relationships all I can do is to try and be kind, no matter what. So. I keep my mouth shut and smile as if everything’s ok. Somehow, that seems to work and the negative feelings pass. Other times, I have to be kind to my own self. I’m responsible for my own feelings of self worth. I gotta love myself and not expect my spouse to fill all my holes. That way we come together as two whole people and not too holey halves. It’s a journey. Progress, not perfection. :unicorn:

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I don’t like to be criticized either. Fear, fear, fear. We each have a barrel of it. :unicorn:

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Make the descions for your soberity,take control of that and other parts of your life will fall into place , clarity will shine through your eyes and in your heart and hopefully the god of your understanding will steer you into another day with new ways

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