I just posted about how frustrated I get reading “relapse” posts because I identify so strongly with justifying a return to drinking hundreds l of times. I’ve been sober a long time and I still get pissed being reminded of how I would minimize and disown my choice to drink by calling it a “relapse”.
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I was trying to think of a clever retort, but I am simply mesmerized by that bahn mi.
You have satisfied the sandwich troll, you may cross the bridge.
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Back on topic.
I remember in rehab talking about “triggers” and I’m sure at the time I listed a bunch of things that are literally just daily life. In my opinion triggers are external stimuli that set off an involuntary response in a personThis is usually found in PTSD and people living with trauma. I feel like we as alcoholics and addicts have co-opted that term as a cop out, an excuse for our relapse.
In the end, once I achieved about 30 days of sobriety I had no triggers. There wasn’t, and certainly isn’t now, an external stimuli that can cause me to drink.
Shitty day at work. Nope, not a trigger. Walking down the beer aisle. Nada. Seeing an ex, still not drinking. You name it, and I’ll tell ya it’s not a trigger. Triggers are very real things for people with certain mental health issues. As for the garden variety drunk, well it’s just another excuse.
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“Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth” - Mike Tyson
Precisely why I don’t fight with booze. My plan don’t mean shit when Tyson is throwing that knock out hook
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Lol, that is a good one.
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I subscribe to this theory. Just as we are always in search of that “silver bullet” that will kill our addictions, we will seldom pass up a convenient excuse to indulge.
It all comes down to the will. Wars are won in the will.
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I wish I could like this post twice.
“I drank because X”
No, you drank because you wanted and/or chose to.
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That would be a new one, I think, quickly adopted and adapted to be uses for multiple occasions.
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To me it depends on how you’d define a trigger. If you talk about triggers that caused a relapse, then those triggers consist mostly of “I chose to stuff my DOC in my face”. But I do believe that triggers affect us, but then I’m talking about triggers that trigger cravings. If I see someone game, it makes me crave. If I crave, I feel like shit. If I can avoid it, it makes life and recovery easier.
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for me Relapse or slips havnt had one yet not a boast just a fact, in early days i didnt really care why i drank or had to have one i just wanted to get sober and stay that why when i started the steps i became usefull to myself and my fellow human beings ,had plenty of excuses but no reason to lift the first drink , probably everyone here might be maybe a few grew up without internet and mobiles and every other app that came with it , i just kept it simple went to my meetings did service work made adjustments to my life so i could continue on my sober journey never really questioned things if i was comfortable with it then i did it . Meet a lot of fellow drunks on my journey some famous some just like me working class and i hope theres more to come on this journey , if i can help anyone then thats good have sponsored for over 30 years now some of my guys passed on and some still here sober , im the man i always wanted to be . and a bonus im Scottish lol
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Appreciate this post, Ray, and happy 2022 to you and the Mrs. I do think getting sober now versus 30 years ago present different challenges, not more or less challenging, just different. Specifically to social media, I got the hell of Facebook well over a year ago. It’s toxic and in no way would help me in my sobriety. I am on Instagram but I follow only sobriety and dog posters, all positive, and I’m only on it for five minutes a day. I’m on TS A LOT. Anyway, I’m rambling, but I appreciate you sharing your experience. What you need to do to get and stay sober is pretty simple, busy have to take those simple actions and be willing to do so. Much appreciate you, Ray.
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Yup I gotta second Jan here. The use of the term trigger has become synonymous with “cause for use”. But a trigger doesn’t cause action, it causes an intense emotional state, often connected to memories. Being in a car listening to a specific song on the radio while driving across the bridge where your husband proposed to you may trigger an attack of sadness and grief if your husband has since died. A trigger does not cause you to drive off said bridge. We are still responsible for/can learn to handle our emotional reactions which, yes, can be triggered by contemporary experiences. But we aren’t our emotions. We can be engulfed in them, loose ourselves in them temporarily. One top job in Recovery is to build a toolbox, a network of alternatives to using to cope with our emotions. Triggered or spontaneous.
Jan is right, triggers exist. And more than will is at play in dealing with them. But they aren’t random circumstances like your brother’s wedding or football Sunday or Christmas. That’s just life.
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Triggers are described as external things to blame for picking up.
I don’t think I had triggers, I felt i was doing everything I could to be sober, lots of shit went wrong (my perspective was that it was bad) and I internalized it all, threw some low self esteem on top, and slowly over a period of time, built them up and created a huge problem inside that I couldn’t see how to get through without resetting somehow.
It’s not something I want to do again; build up loads of shit inside my head and not talk or reach out. That didn’t feel good, I felt proper helpless to sort my head and feelings out. And it feels better to be as a newcomer to work recovery better this time… 
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I love this post. It gets to the nature of so many things. For the record, I do have degrees in the field. The quarter I took a class on this subject was amazing. The key to over coming cognative dissonance really comes to individual approach of the individual. Yes the dogmatic approach of: we are all the same, so the same approach, “just has to work” has some truth. It also denies individual factors that lead to a persons perception of their current state.
On so many occasions I see a member experiencing this. Then I watch 2 different approaches battle it out…in the end…neither is effective or helpful. All that happens is the individuals state is deepened and their journey towards sobriety is lengthened.
Such a great subject. Grasping of which, could truly help some of our newbies…maybe even if they were like me.
Thank you for a great share!
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There’s some truth documentaries I’ve seen where I got cognitive dissonance!!.
Isnt it also like when you find out Santa Claus doesn’t exist 
The Santa Clause analogy could work. Here is an example from work(that can work for this on some level) I have an Assitant Manager that feels she walks on water. Does she have the potential…yes. Does she use it…no. My approach with her has varied, because in her eyes, what she does is perfect. I have gone old school managerial on her, I have tried the soft approach…teach/training/grooming. Neither works. Why?
Because in her reality, she performs at a high level.
Long story short: last 2 shifts she didnt do her job. First day, I walked with her and explained in detail what she was suppose to do. Didn’t happen. She felt she tried to do it, “external factors” kept it from happening. So, not her fault.
Next day. Left basic notes, gave her a broad overview of what need to be done. I talked to each one of her workers, lined them out specifically what needs to be done. Same jacked up results as the day before.
I texted her this morning, “Why isnt this done” Recieved multiple texts why…basically all my fault, didnt communicate well, I told her people what to do. Had I went straight through her, every thing would have been done perfectly.
It is her truth. What she gave as a reason…my “lack of communication” Could not be used on the first day, because I did exactly that.
She doesnt see the irony in her texts. When I work with her on monday, she still wont see it. Her reality is that she is perfect.
How do I change that in her. I am not her therapist, so…I cant.
She isnt ready to change. I can be nice, I can be an ass…until something in her life makes her open her eyes, she will fundementally look at the world in the same way.
She will quit or get fired. At this point those are the options. I have a buisness to run. If she quits on her own, highly unlikely she will change. If/when I fire her she may change. However, it probably won’t be a life altering event.
Old AA saying. Until someone is ready to change, they won’t change. Push, prod, yell, scream, talk down too, cheer, pray, send happy vibes…will not change until an external force “wakes them up”
All I can do with my Assitant Manager…is the same I can do with an alcoholic. Plant a seed, be open for when they come around…and hope it happens before termination (work), or death (alcoholic)
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My colleagues came up to me at work saying they had had the ‘Vid’ over Christmas, they seemed quite surprised and almost like they’d lost a fight,they’d been jabbed etc and I guess they thought they were doing the right thing to only get ill anyway,I call that cognitive dissonance.
Black is not a color, black is the absence of light.
Relapse is not a part of recovery, relapse is the absence of recovery.
If I go out and hit the bottle tonight I cannot see which part of that would be considered my recovery. I will not have learned anything I don’t already know. I will not get to “keep” the last 1530 days because it was only one night. I will not be stronger because of it. I will have relapsed. My days will be gone. I will be back to day 0.
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