Agreed. When I first got sober it was here I depended upon and here where I learned from. It wasn’t fun and games…it was serious, hard, painful and a lot of tears. I got here after a bazillion slip ups and half assed attempts. Talking Sober became part of ‘my program’. So was yoga, exercise, diversion, meditation, reading, etc etc. And once I had some success and sober strength, I moved into the recovery aspect of sobriety and learned how to deal and feel thru, versus distract.
I also know and remember that plenty of people here as newbies have struggled for a long time before finding their footing. We are all on our individual journeys…one size does not fit all. I struggled a lot here in earlier years with folks just trying to stir shit up for the fun. Hurt people, hurt people.
The world continues to change, as does the recovery field …TS is a valuable asset for many of us. Likes are an incentive for some people. Watching days add up can be another incentive. As can peer support, checking in daily, gratitude, etc. I am glad there are so many more options and knowledge and support available than there was when I first landed here almost a decade ago.
Brilliant turn of phrase. I needed a while (good few months, with affiliated relapses) of being told (suggested) to try AA, reading about people in AA, before I could get over my resistance to give it a try. I think the same is true for many people, and not just AA, but therapy, rehab, anything that feels uncomfortable.
But maybe you mean the “stupid threads” (I’d call ‘not recovery related’) like the meme or selfie thread. Perhaps people who post only on there, do read around and get info and motivation. That is my hope anyway.
In the end, the key threads of recovery are self-reflection and community, imo. You can work on both those here. The self-reflection probably needs some therapy or counselling to be really effective. Equally you can go to AA or any recovery program and do lip service.
I can basically quote this regarding how I feel. I am pleased that I have been here since 2016, even though I am just now pushing 2.5 years free of alcohol. I was deep in many programs, studied and read a lot, especially here. Sometimes I read a post, and think, “Hmmm, I hope you stay. You may not be quite ready.”
What did I get before sobriety? A ton of rules. I stopped drinking anything but Lite Beer - only that, because I didn’t generally feel drunk, and didn’t get evil. Still a big problem? Yepper. AND here I am. And no matter what I drank early on, I learned a ton of important things I still carry with me - and still do.
It’s interesting to see how people seem to think I’m knocking the forum. I’m not, it’s been my home for 8+ years. Place has been great for my recovery. Early on though, I dicked around and posted for clout more than actual working on sobriety. I’m sure the threads are easy to find. Looking back it was ego more than giving or receiving support. Luckily I had a program outside of here to keep me straight. Nowadays I see people who are doing the same thing, except they don’t have a program, or much in the way of sobriety. Just an observation. Yall can put the pitchforks down, or don’t, I don’t care either way lol
Probably for the same reasons as you, and as everyone else here. Every third thread is dedicated to how someone has been wrong. People dump out all their shit here. Maybe the question to ask yourself why you care so much when I do it?
I have no pitchfork. I know enough that you post what you want and accept most posts that have responded. Something about being here a long time, amiright?
When I started my sobriety journey I readily “accepted” the help offered. For about 5 straight months I was going to call rehab tomorrow. I was going to start my detox after this last one. I was definitely going to all the things I needed to do to get sober, except one thing. And that was actually taking the action.
It doesn’t matter how much you talk about the things you’re going to do if you never actually do them
Thanks for this, I will get my ass out of my chair and get to yoga… today.
I would love to sit and drink coffee all morning but it seems I have been doing that for two weeks now. We will hear the message if we are open to it.
Amen
I stopped talking about and started just DOING quite some time ago. Payed off and took me a long way into the right direction
The results are astonishing.
The last serious craving I had was on Christmas Day 2017. I was less than 60 days sober and pretty much completely alone in the world. I decided that rather than be alone, that I would go with my last remaining “friend” to their families celebration, which would have plenty of booze. Within an hour I was tipping over and ready to drink. I stupidly put myself in a situation in which I was not prepared to handle, not matter how much I thought I was ready.
Luckily, my friend agreed to leave their own families party early so that I didn’t drink. That is an unlikely scenario. What is more likely in that situation is a relapse. From there I knew that I should probably not put myself in that situation again. I missed quite a few holidays and parties after that. My sobriety became far more important than a few events that I would forget after a couple of weeks anyway.
Trying to navigate triggers on this forum is like dancing through the raindrops in a downpour. It will not work. There are thousands of active users with probably 10,000 triggers. It is not reasonable to expect that something that triggers you can be avoided. There are some obvious ones, and the forum rules reflect that accordingly. No pictures of booze, bathing suits, etc. Yeah that makes sense, but for all the others it is too big of an ask to account for every trigger.
So where’s that leave us? Glad you asked.
This is a fairly controlled environment, in which we can practice navigating our triggers without too much fear. I was taught early on in sobriety, that my triggers are mine to deal with. This was reinforced in therapy as well. On this forum, the majority of people seem to be well intentioned, whereas IRL most people are pretty fuckin awful. So rather than lose your shit over a trigger, practice navigating it, because you are gonna need that skill.
Your triggers are not someone else’s responsibility. If someone triggers you, its not their fault, act accordingly.
You have most likely triggered someone with your own posts (remember 10,000 triggers at least on this forum) so how would you want their response to be.
Anyway, gotta run. Meeting with other community leaders to figure out to make sure thousands of people don’t lose their Medicaid (which triggers my anger something fierce).
I couldn’t agree more @Englishd I guess I am just old and also old school. There are triggers everywhere and it is MY responsibility to figure out how to navigate in the world. I don’t want my sobriety to depend on what someone else says or does. I am the driver of MY sober bus!
The part about stopping the excuses really hit home. At some point, you have to stop waiting for the perfect circumstances and take responsibility for the choices you make. Sobriety takes consistent effort, but that decision to actually commit can change everything.
I agree with our individual responsibility to handle our own feelings around triggers and not make others responsible. I also think there is a continuous community orientated discussion around this.
I find it important to listen to what others need for safety and also to build a community inclusive of harm reduction approaches and really problematic addiction dynamics.
Let’s say we take harm reduction approaches, which you know well, why are we not discussing or allowing more room for this here? Often the reason is ‘‘trigger’’ or need to be categorised as ‘‘needing help’’, when it’s a part of the reality for some. We are neglecting such a large part of the addicts because we cannot handle it here.
Contentious subject, as I have learned here. I tried various harm reduction routes and none worked… but as part of my own work I HAD to try them.
With my whole 7 months sober I could sit back and tell people that their tentative steps won’t work, but for someone… they might. They just might. And any of us telling them they’re not going hard enough might push them away from this incredible resource which got me through my struggles and helped to save my life.
On the other hand, I needed to read this thread many times during my “bullshit you’re trying to pretend it’s not as bad as it is” phase. It, too, helped save my life.
What’s my point, then? Focus on what’s real. For those of us who have any kind of sobriety worth a damn let’s try and pass it on to anyone who is asking for help. Any way we know how.
. I needed a while (good few months, with affiliated relapses) of being told (suggested) to try AA, reading about people in AA, before I could get over my resistance to give it a try. I think the same is true for many people, and not just AA, but therapy, rehab, anything that feels uncomfortable.
