I love this.
I think after nearly 4 years of having quit smoking I have reached the last stage as you describe it Yoda-Stevie. I don’t see any benefits in smoking. I have not been triggered, nor have I craved a smoke for a very long time. I know smoking is a lying killing addiction and that’s all it is. I am an nicotine addict and I know I have to be alert for the rest of my life but I am pretty sure I will never smoke again. Not smoking is all normal for me now. I dislike smoke and smoking a lot and try to avoid being around it as much as I can.
In my sobriety I’m not as far by a long shot yet. Which is probably logical at 64 days sober. As an example; my best friend and me love to eat at really fancy restaurants once or twice a year. This used to include having a wine arrangement too. I know this is not possible any more. Thinking about this gave me a pang of regret today. Obviously I still think there is some benefit to drinking for me. Even though I do know I can’t drink no more, because I know I cannot handle drinking.
I know where drinking ‘just a wine arrangement once or twice a year would lead me, namely back to drinking daily and heavily. And while I am totally sure I do not want that I do feel a bit sorry for myself I can’t have the occasional one. I know how dangerous this thinking is. I still need to learn that for me drinking holds nothing positive. I reached that conclusion rather easily and swiftly with smoking. With drinking I realized this weekend I’m not there yet. I’ve got work to do.
And thanks for this thread Derek. I’ve been coming here and reading for weeks. It speaks to me. Many of what’s discussed here are recurring themes on the quit smoking website I’ve been visiting for the last 4 years. For me in fighting addiction there is no grey. It’s black and white. We either use or we do not. We have to keep it simple or it won’t work.
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Great post…and I hear you quitting smoking. Do you mind me asking which quit smoking website you use? I have smoking friends I like to have resources available for.
Thanks and great work all around!!!
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I’m a member of quitnet.com since Septemeber 2015 Sassyrocks. It’s owned by an american company (meyouhealth) but it’s free to join and participate. The setup is not a traditional forum but more a continuous feed like twitter (but no limits to the lengths of the posts). Took some time to getting used to as this forum does to me now. It’s a good community and it helped me a great deal in keeping my smobriety (as we say there)
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Nice! I wondered if it was quitnet! I have been a member there for 11 years…it was instrumental with my quitting smoking after 30+ years. LOVE QUITNET. So many helpful people and resources. It used to be set up more like a traditional forum, so you could follow threads and such. I rarely visit anymore, but I always like meeting other successful quitnet alum!!! 
Congrats on your 4 years!!
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Andddd I fucking love this post 
I love it when people can word my thoughts so much better than I ever could 
I will be the first to admit that I don’t know much about self-help books and speakers. I’m really not in to that type of stuff but maybe it’s because I don’t know any better. To me it seems kinda selfish because it implies that you are only helping yourself and not worried about others. Now for early sobriety that seems reasonable, but once I got stable in recovery helping others became a huge part of my life. To have some time sober and still only being concerned with making yourself better, well… Draw your own conclusion.
Now maybe I’m way off base on this and I’m sure someone will correct me if I’m wrong, but just my musings for the day.
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Are you talking about the self help book authors or people who read the books? I think the authors are obviously sharing their discoveries with others, so they are giving of themselves in my opinion.
As for readers of self help or listeners, I think that as we learn new things from the books and podcasts, we often share that with others (on here and/or other forums)…so I see that as giving of our selves as well.
So I guess I see it a little differently. Though I will add in all honesty that I have been called self absorbed and selfish before, so perhaps I am not a good one to give my opinion on that.
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I’m legit trying to gain insight because my perception is really narrow. I think of like Tony Robbins and con artists with their get rich quick seminars. And obviously I know they aren’t all like that, but I just wondered if someone of them ended their book with a “now that you’ve improved your life go out and do well!!” type of thing. I guess my lazy ass could always do the research myself.
I don’t really know. I don’t follow Tony Robbins (or really any self help people) much. I am fond of Pema Chodrun’s books, but I don’t consider her work self help.
The little I know of Tony Robbins is that he’s helped a bunch of people, but is also an asshole. I guess I can relate to some of that 
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Well, nobody is perfect.
Treating your mental health is just as important to sobriety as not drinking.
I fear his story will not end well. He has really gone downhill fast since Dunn died. I wonder if Steve-O has tried reaching out.
From what I understand he has. But he also knows that if someone isn’t ready then they aren’t ready. Bam needs more than just rehab. I feel bad for the dude.
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I’m the same I havnt been drawn to self help books in anyway, what I’ve learnt in the 9 months I’ve been sober is harsh reality of change .the person I was wasnt functioning so i made the the decision to change that , and at first it was abstaining from drugs and alcohol ( with these grand visions of a wonderful future)…I hadn’t changed I had just stopped drinking ,so then came the movement to aa , and slowly I begun my sobriety ,understanding the things i had done ,taking responsability for my actions and having to really look at myself and begin to evolve into something different …and now I’m understanding recovery a bit better , it’s not all about me ,its about giving back and over the last 9 months I have worked on how I speak to and treat people and how I act as person and it’s working bit by bit ( my marriage and work life have improved so much) , and how I can pass on what I’ve learnt to others, recovery is a 24hr role …it doesnt happen over night , you really have to want it and work at it…even now 9 months later the addict in me is constantly pecking away at me , and there are days when I think f**k this i cant do this …but i work my recovery and that’s another day done …all I know is that making that change and working your recovery every day takes courage and discipline, and I admire anyone that is following it 
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Love this topic! Just joined but going back to read all of it.
“Welcome to Truth and Tough Love, where excuses are irrelevant and we don’t give a shit about your feelings” - borrowed from MikeDrop podcast, a weekly motivator.
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Thank God I don’t have to drink today. Literally, thank God. I don’t have to test it. I don’t have to wonder if I’m alcoholic. Nothing. I just don’t have to drink today. Freedom is great. I don’t have to worry about what counts as a relapse, or what a slip is because I don’t have to drink today. I don’t worry about days, because I don’t have to drink today.
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No more worries about whether I can or can’t
I don’t! End of.
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