longest 4 days EVER!
My daughter and I got to stay in a hotel last night thanks to my stepdad wiring me a little cash. I didnāt even ask for it, he just wants to help. His friends that were on the island have since moved and are unreachable so hes trying to help monitarily but I wanna take as little help as possible. I hate the feeling of taking and not reciprocating. I am sure after I get throught this crap there will be something nice I can do for him.
Had to block the āplaintifsā number from my phone because he keeps text bombing me and leaving voicemails. In the early parts of the day its usually how much hes sorry and misses me. Then usually by 10pm I get the mean agressive texts and voicemails. The cops said to block the number because if I even accidentaly answer a call with my butt, then I go back to jail.
The kids have shared with me about how sad he is and how much hes been crying. I take it with a grain of salt. I am sure he is crying. Itās for a lot more reasons than one. Fisrt, if its true, he is currently in a constant battle trying to get through one day of sobriety and hasnāt been able to do it yet. So thatās very emotional. Second he is having to completely take care of himself in all aspects and he has been a kept man for over 20 years (my fault I know) so that too is hard for him I am sure. Third the house is not being taken care of. Its dirty, its smelly and downwright nasty. That brings down the mood too. So yeah I am sure heās crying but I also know how much heās an attention getter and a poor me kind of guy. Well mo-fo, you keep on crying in the house I am paying for. You keep on crying while you sleep in my bed with cushion and blankets. You keep on crying while you get to have plumbing, laundry facilities, and a kitchen. Are you fucking kidding me. Im living in my fucking car.
I was charged with Domestic Menacing in the 2nd. Which basically says there was no real significant injury. I know I was wrong to use the fork to defend myself I get that. But again this is the whole poor me and boy who cries wolf thing. He is always an exagerator and always doing the poor me thing for medioker reasons. He tried to have me charged with attempted murderā¦ While this all seems completely unfuckingbelievable, I am not surprised by one bit.
End of rant. Sorry for cursing. Day 4.46.
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Damn. Sorry to hear heās harassing you, I didnt think that was allowed with abuse orders-I thought it went both ways once it was issued and no contact could be done for either of you. Hold onto ALL of that evidence, it can and should be used against him when the charges come up for review. Stay strong girl, been thinking of you! 
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Had court yesterday. The court wonāt lift or change the order yet so Iām still camping in the car most nights. Once in a while I go to a friend or a hotel. Good thing we have showers at work. Court wants me to get an alcohol assessment before next court date so I got the court to schedule me in asap for next week Friday. I have an appointment for the assessment on Tuesday. I tried to get them to let me do the assessment yesterday but nooooo, we have to make an appointment. So got them to schedule early in the week so the assessment can be done and submitted before Friday. Also started the process to have him taken off the lease. In the courts eyes if he is not on the lease then it is not his residence and therefor I can be there and not him. So even if the order is not changed or lifted (which I hope now that it doesnt change) I can still go home if I can get him to go. Heās told the kids he will go if it means I can be home. I just donāt know if that was drunk talk or not.
So until he goes Iām shit outta luck. And no one can force him because he too is a victim of domestic abuse and since I was the one arrested, he can squat as long as he wants. I guess if hes still squatting by the end of the week, I will have to find a more permanent solution.
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At least something is happening and there is hope. Great thing hope. You have an incentive now to focus on. Stay strong my friend.
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I went into see my old āfriendsā at the liquer store today. I used to see them every day. Sometimes twice a day. Shit I probably contributed to their childrens college fund. Anyways they had
extended me the courtesy of letting me sometimes get a bottle and paying later. I had owed them some cash since the end of November. I had stopped drinking originally on December 5th so I hadnāt been back in there to pay them back. I went in there today to say hello and to pay them back, but also to say goodbye. They told me to stop by any time to say hello of course but I am happy to settle the debt and to put that part of my life behind me. Bittersweet.
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I am amazed by your strength. Your story is so powerful. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you daily.
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welp just another day missing out on the dollar and wasting my time in this lovely federal building.
Well nothing has changed. The court refused to change it at all because he tells the DA one thing, that he wants a full stay away order of protection, then changes his mind and tells the DA he wants a refrain from order of protection, then tells my legal aid lawyer something totally different that he wants to drop the charges and then doesnt show up to court.
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Ugh. What happens if he doesnāt show up to court? Any legal action?
nope. hes the victim not the perp in this case. so I will continue to live in my car for yet another fucking week.
Not even a fine? Damn. Is there a womenās shelter nearby you could stay at?
This just shows that you are getting better at getting better. You settled a debt, and didnāt drink. With each triumph great and small, āsoberā becomes more of who you are.
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honestly i would rather be in my car than a shelter. Im well equipped. I just miss being with my kids and dogs every day. I see the kids pretty often but have only seen the dogs once in three weeks. To many people they are just dogs. Not to us.
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Next court date file for a rule 10. That will give up any rights to pleas and go straight to trial. This will speed the process up the fastest. As long as he does not show at trial and the DA has no victim to play a witness. This will dissmiss the case and null process. This still shows up on your arrest record unfortunately there is no way around that but expoungement.
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On Jan 11th the court became so fed up with him that they decided to change the OOP from a Stay Away to a Refrain from. I will not have to go back to court and the order will expire in a year.
The first few days after being home were extremely volitile but have since calmed down. He hasnt been able to buy alcohol so that helps a lot. He knows I dont want to repair our relationship. I sleep in my daughters room for now, even though I pay every bill and should be in my own bed.
He just started a new job that I helped him to get so hopefully he can be on his way soon and into his own apartment. I think he finally understands that we dont have to be together to make things work well for the kids.
I am working on trying to buy my first home and going at it alone (and sober) which makes me very proud of myself and very happy for my kids.
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The stomach ache is the worst,dealing with that in the middle of the night in the fetal position.I have hit the reset button for at least a year,and things just stayed the same,drink to get rid of the pain,I am currently 6 days sober and today I have no stomach pain,itās a feeling Iām not used to.RELIEF
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I used magnesium and potasium vitamins early on to help with muscle cramping. It seemed to help a bit, but the only thing that ultimately helped make it go away totally was after I stopped completely. I havent had a stomach ache or heartburn in a month. Thats long lasting relief and it will be for you too! Keep up the good work. 
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I knew something was up. When one is sober, they tend to notice things more and moreso tend to notice if someone else has been drinking. The odd behavior of cleaning with hustle in his step got me thinking a little. Then the odd behavior around the garbage can got me even more curious. So as soon as I could, I went digging into the garbage and yep, you guessed itā¦ A nip that he attempted to hide in an empty cigarette pack. I am sure theres more from where that came from. Then the accusitory remarks that have no grounds any more since we are not ātogetherā any more, then the confrontational talking under his breath, etc. etc.
Whatās worse is that he talked me into giving him money for cigarettes with the promise to repay when he gets his first check. Iām such a dumb gullable and trusting person. Ya know what else, Iām polish and that is why I havenāt learned yet. How could I be so dumb and actually think he wouldnāt be conniving like that.
Ha!!! I get to walk away now and not even think twice. I no longer am forced to be subjected to the behavior any more and if it gets bad I can leave and have a holiday at a hotel and my kids can go hang out with me if they choose.
I canāt wait for this to all be completely done and behinds us. Every day I am closer to that and its a good feeling.
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