Hi everyone!
This is my first time posting, but I have definitely been reading. Today I am 49 days sober, and your posts are really helping me get through this. Not feeling alone in this means so much. Back in September, I realized that I have been somewhat successful with quitting for bits of time here and there, but I would consider myself a “dry drunk” during those times. Not drinking, but also not dealing with any of the issues driving me to drink. I want to quit, but I also want to learn how to be happy and thrive without alcohol. I decided to start seeing a therapist then. It was very scary admitting to another person, other than my husband, that I am an alcoholic. It felt great though and brought on so many emotions. Just talking to someone else about it was a huge step for me. I have never attended an AA meeting and have been very much against it in the past. I’m a super private person, and due to my career/life, I just didn’t feel comfortable making that extremely public leap. I also felt odd about the higher power aspect of it, but have learned that I can develop my own interpretation of my “higher power”. My therapist understood my fears and asked to go with me to my first meeting this evening. I’ve tried it my way for far too long, always ending with the same results. I feel like even if I determine this isn’t for me, at least I know I tried it! I never want to look back and think there was more that I could have done, but made up my mind I was “too good” for it, without even giving it a chance. I need to get over this “ego” issue, because that is all it is! I am very, very nervous about this though. I just needed to vent that. I tend to build things up way too much in my head lol. I’m really trying guys, but I’m terrified. Hopefully, this will be a positive experience and a good lesson that something so scary to me is actually worth the attempt. Thanks for hearing me out!
Good for you for trying new things and also reaching out here. And congratulations on your 49 days…that is pretty huge!! 
If you are a reader, maybe pick up a copy or borrow for free from the library, a copy of We are the Luckiest by Laura McKowen and/or Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker. Also, This Naked Mind by Annie Grace is a good start. I found all were helpful in my journey in different ways.
Good luck tonight and enjoy your meeting!
Thank you so much!! I do love to read. I have The Naked Mind, but I haven’t read the other two you mentioned. I will definitely check them out.
Well done! This. At least you have given it a go. And don’t just go to one, try many and different.
Thank you! I will definitely take that advice. Luckily, there are several types of meetings and options available where I live.
Ive had similar feelings about AA.
If you live in a bigger city your anonymity will not be an issue, most likely. If you do see someone you know from work, they are there for the same reason. Talk to them. It could be the start of a recovery based friendship leading to a good source of support.
In a Bigger city it is very unlikely, but in small cities like I live, knowing others AA members in my line of work has been beneficial. Its nice to see a face in recovery when Im working. Sometimes we talk recovery. Sometimes we dont.
I have found plenty of loopholes in the god thing. It works for me. The steps have principles that dont require a deity to make them beneficial.
I use AA for support. They celebrate milestones of sober time which is valuable. 99% of the time i hear something that helps me when I go.
I use them like this forum. I take what I need and leave the rest.
My work makes it hard for me to get to meetings. I like to go when I can. I have made good friends there.
Its a good tool to have to stay sober.
Yes, you can. This is a real step forward.
Thank you! I keep reminding myself exactly that. If I see someone I know, we’re obviously in the same boat! I think it’s all still so new to me, that it’s scary admitting such a thing out loud. Especially in a public forum. BUT it is what it is. I want to get to a point where I can feel comfortable being loved/hated for what I am than loved for what I’m not. People from all walks of life suffer from addiction, and I need to get over the fact that some people may look down on me…because that’s mostly just me projecting my fears onto others.
Thank you!! 
This will come in time. We didn’t learn to walk in one go.
Likewise, getting used to doing things outside of our comfort zone is going to take time.
Keep moving forward.
You don’t have to do everything at once. Baby steps.
Great job trying a different approach. Try not to be too nervous, you’re gonna do just fine
@Dan531 So I went. My therapist was supposed to meet me there, but she had a family emergency. I didn’t find out until I was already there in the parking lot. Most of me wanted to back my car up and leave! I forced myself to get out and go in. I’m so proud of myself for making the leap. I feel overwhelmed, but overwhelmed in a good way. It’s one thing to read stories, which has helped tremendously, but it was different seeing the person tell their story to you face to face. You can feel their emotions and see it in their eyes. Feeling understood and having people who don’t know me at all, genuinely care…it’s different. I’m very glad I went in, even though I felt like I had a valid excuse to back out. I felt brave lol. Is that crazy? I feel like I have a lot to learn from everyone there.
That’s great that in spite of your therapist not showing up you went in anyway. The things you can learn and the new friends you can make are a big part of what can help to keep you sober. I’m really glad it worked out for you last night.
That took a lot of courage when the easiest thing to do would have been to go home.
Well done.! Proud of you.
Now, you’ve found that well of courage don’t loose it. Keep it close and use it every time you need to.
I’m really pleased that you had a positive experience.