Trying again and again 2022

Trying again. Ive quit a hundred times it seems. Sometimes 2 days sometimes 5. A couple times i lasted a few weeks. 53 now and started drinking in my early twenties. Now i feel like Ive drank my share to last a lifetime and hoping any damage done to my body will at least stop if it cant be reversed. Weight gain, thyroid tests coming back out of whack. Lying to my family doctor about the drinking. Hiding it in basement from wife. Sneaking out to the corner gas station after she falls asleep so i can get more then realizing once i started moving around i was still drunk and embarrased that the same cashier was working a few hours earlier when i bought the first beers. These are things i am so sick of doing and its like a light went on in my head differently this time…realizing how many years ive wasted and now im sure every drink from here on out would just add more trouble and shorten my life. Also tired of waking up every monday for work feeling like crap and literally crapping more than usual after a night of IPA’s messing with my digestive system. Sometime in a fog driving to work feeling like im buzzed a little just from being so worn out from it the night before. Tired of losing so many hours doing nothing accomplishing nothing because i cant really read or focus on educational videos or even a good movie when im drunk. Last fall i fell in the shower or bathroom so drunk i dont remember. I woke up with a bloody gash on my forehead…wife just said di you even know what you did?? I went to work and even told my boss and anyone who asked that i fell when i was drunk. I quit for a little bit after that. Being honest wasnt as helpful as i had hoped but i thought maybe it could be a warning to the younger kid. This time around im really aware of all the trouble ive caused myself and that desire to quit is hsppening a lot easier this time. Its my first time using this app too. Ive done the 30 day solution book and website about 5 years ago and made it the whole month except for a couple drinks. This time i know i cant rationalize even one drink because i Always led to more and more. Wish me luck please.

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I just read a very similar version of my story.

You found a great place to start. It has helped me tremendously. There is a ton of information here. I read a lot when I got here, I still do.

You will find amazing people here and amazing support to help you on your journey to recovery,

You dont have to live like that anymore.

Welcome!

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Hi Tom. Welcome at this forum. You have come to the right place. The first few days of sobriety can be a bit rough. There are a lot of awesome people here who will listen and give some good advice. Reading around and checking in daily really helped me in my early sobriety to stay committed. Other than that - just take it one day, one hour at a time.

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Glad you’re here.

It sounds like that book you read helped you out before… It was reading inspiring books that helped me to quit, I’m approaching two years now, never looked back, why would I return to that hell hole.

Find some sober literature to inspire yourself, get it bought and read. You need to change your tactic cause the original isn’t working.

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Sounds very familiar to me. Covered in cuts and blood and bruises last weekend from unknown reasons. Sigh.

day 4 now and it has to be it this time for me. A good book which helped me last time was Unexpected Joy of Being Sober which made it seem real to me and got me through 9 months of sobriety last time.

All the best!

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Welcome. You’ve picked a good place to be. The only way things change in your life is if you change them.

Your story resonates with me. I can’t count how many times I drove to work after a night of boozing questioning if I was still drunk. I don’t have to do that anymore if I just keep not drinking. I keep a mental tape of all my falls and cringy drunk moments in case my desire for just one drink creeps in.

I now know it will never be just one that I crave it is always a craving for all the drinks until I run out. Then when I ran out I would go buy more, repeat 20 years. It got scary and boring for me and I’m grateful I’m not stuck in that awful loop. Keep at it.

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You got this bro✊

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I can relate. Sending :two_hearts:

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I definately need to try something different this time. Thanks for reading my story.

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Thanks Mark…hearing similar situation to mine makes a world of difference. Believe it or not this communitys the first time I ever really put it all out there. I think hearing from real live people is the one thing I failed to try in all my previous attempts to stop drinking. Good luck to you as well

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Thanks for sharing Tom, so glad you’re here. I’ve felt that feeling too. So many years and life spent doing nothing with alcohol. I do not want to wake up (if I do wake up) in my latter years and wonder where the time went and it being a big blur. Keep coming back! This is a wonderful community!

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Wow man, your comments resonate with me too…drinking everything in the house and buying more. Driving to work the next day. Thanks for the comments it means a lot.

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This is/was vital for me in my recovery… especially with wanting to isolate so nobody knew, once you’ve made a decision to drink… reaching out, even when I didn’t want to, made a HUGE difference. :blush:

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You remind me of me! You don’t have to live like that. Just like you I have quit more times than I can count for a few days weeks here and there. Just know that the candeling effect is real. Every time we quit the addiction actually gets stronger when we relapse And the withdrawals are stronger. Just think, if you do it this time for good the worst will be behind you and everything will be looking up from here. You don’t have to live like that. Checking in I believe in you!

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This helped me daily for a long time :gift_heart:
The Knots Prayer
Please untie the knots
that are in my mind, my heart, and my life.
Remove the have nots, the can nots, and the do nots that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots, may nots, might nots that may find a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots, would nots, and should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all,
I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart, and my life
all of the ‘am nots’
that I have allowed to hold me back
especially the thought
that I am not good enough,

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I associate with this myself. I’m on day 3 and so pray this time I can continue for the rest of my life. I’ll be 70 this year and started casual drinks while I was in my teens. Keep going! I have faith in all that realize that we all need to take care of ourselves. Good luck my friend in this community and in life. :pray::muscle:

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@MaryLou congrats on 3 days! Glad we are all here!

Thank you bobby

Thanks , you too

I’m coming up on 6 months without that circus but I remember it like it was yesterday. Stick around, I’m glad you’re here.

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