I feel like the female version of this story. Tried so many times to stop drinking on my own. Been to detox twice & a full on rehab as well. I stayed sober for exactly 6 months. About a year ago, I fell & broke my hip. Kept working (in food service) cuz no insurance. I had my last drink Dec 19th & had my whole hip replaced. I have never been more happy. Waking up feeling refreshed, not being so sick I’d need a drink to get thru, REMEMBERING stuff! Holy Toledo, the list is ENDLESS. I’ve managed to repair my relationship w/ my middle son, working on a rebuild w/ my babygirl & focusing on living! I’m so proud of you. Even when we mess up, we can always start again. I’m new here. Nobody understands the pride I have in my accomplishment. I’m hoping you will feel it too. Much 
Thank you 
Praying for you Dear Brother! You’ve got this man one day at a time one minute at a time one second at a time. We are in this together! The most powerful message that I remembered in my journey of recovery is there was a man in the meeting that I went to for a while that said remember, there’s not one person here today that needs to take one drink or one drug ,don’t pick up. For me I definitely suggest a therapist as well he gave me accountability and I didn’t know that there would be so much support even when I had relapsed my Pcp therapist my family where I kept him once I spoke out about it and told them I can’t believe how much I was embraced and I’m still embraced and you brother are embraced. God bless you
For a second there I thought I wrote this.
Hi, Tom! You are not alone! Many of us here have experienced very similar things - the constant trying to moderate, sneaking, lying, feeling like shit, promising ourselves to never drink again but when 5 o clock comes around we’re back at it - over and over again. That is the insidious nature of alcohol. Cunning, Baffling and Powerful.
Please consider going to an AA meeting - you can find many online. I have found much support and encouragement through going to meetings.
Please stay with us, we are all in this together.
Oops, wrong place to post. Such a noobie 
!