Just spent a lot of energy posting and it isn’t up on the forums…it just hung when I clicked create topic…
Spent yesterday at a dope compound that got hit by the police. They were looking for someone who was in the house. Everyone inside just told me to be quiet and theyd go away. Wtf!!! Well they actually did go away. But sitting there, dope and pipe in hand, I was so sad for me…how can I have let it get this far. I’ll lose my husband soon, jus5 waiting for him to realize how much money I’m taking out and that I never bring a paycheck home. Because I don’t actually go to work,haven’t for a month. I just pretend. I’m sitting in a shit hole, no power, no running water shack smoking meth as hard as I can in case I DO get arrested. Which would be a first.
I’m a liar, a piece of crap addict who is the most selfish person I’ve known. Everything in my life is a lie.
Once my husband figure it out, he’ll throw me out, and I’ll be on the streets. With no money.
How did I fall so far? I am a shade of who I was, who I could have been, I look in the mirror and I don’t see me anymore.
I don’t want to feel what is coming. I don’t think I can. And I can’t use to block it out…my options are very limited. I kind of want to die. I hate myself.
Hi. I don’t know you but strike me as being brave. Im not in your situation but a week ago I found it hard and you took the time to say stick with it. I appreciated that. People on here will all related to parts of what you say. You feel low. But your life is worth something. It’s never too late. You’ve been doing so well. No matter what happens you can beat this. I suspect you know the best way forward. Be strong. You’re a good person
Thank you, that was very heartfelt. And kind. And made me really choke up.
I can’t call myself a good person. My actions are,what define me, and no matter how sorry I am, how much I want to close my eyes, make a wish, and turn the clock back…it doesn’t matter. I completely fucked the one person who can save me.
I’m sorry, I’m not feeling any joy or hope about being clean, I WANT to cheer sobriety on, but I can’t right now.
I hear you and feel for you. Addiction can be a lonely place. Tomorrow is another day and the chance to start again. You live thousands of miles away but read your answers to other posts and you seem a nice person. Please be strong. There’s not a person reading this who wouldn’t want anything but the best for you
It’s so easy to be kind to each other as addicts.
I have to thank you for your words, Tim. I know you truly mean them.
I am so goddamn tired inside. Tired of fighting. Tired of waking up. Tired of seeing myself become what I swore I wouldn’t.
I need a fucking miracle.
I was tired too. Tired of being pissed every day and trying to teach. My body was worn out. Now I don’t wanna feel tired any more. A few days in I feel better physically. Cliché I know but take each day at a time. You can do it
@Noxamanda11.
I have never used meth but I have seen first hand people I know lose their marriage, their jobs, etc… from using that drug. Please seek help from a rehabilitation facility while you are still able too. That is a very addicting drug, and you are going to need help with getting away from it. Life is too precious and short to waste it. So many are born into a hopeless situation, or are tragically taken too young from this earth. You are still here so fight! Be thankful for your life and don’t throw it away. Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one, respect tomorrow by taking care of yourself today. If you are at rock bottom there is only up to go from here. This life has got to beat a long dirt nap no matter how bad it gets. You have the power to save yourself, but you have to be the one to stand up and choose to rise above your circumstances. I hope to be reading about your road to recovery. If you are here you have lots to be thankful for. Don’t focus on the negatives or beat yourself up. You can do this!
If this is your rock bottom, it is only up from here. Look at yourself. You have acknowledged your problem. That is a MAJOR step. I will never know what you are feeling but this is a brave thing you are doing. If you didn’t want help you wouldn’t of said anything. Recovery is a hard road. I do know that. Make your mistakes and learn from them. Remember, you are human. I truly wish you the best. Keep your head up. Take care.
I do hope you are able to rise above this! Meth has taken my sister away from me and I pray everyday she gets the help she needs. I’ll add you to the list as well!
thank you everyone…and my name is amanda…
I wish I could get the allen carr book but my husband would see and ask why I’m reading that?seems to strike a cord for a lot of people…
First of all my heart goes out to you. This is the first post I’ve read on here and it can’t be a coincidence that this is the same situation I was in just a month ago. 8am and I am in a dope house with porno on the tv, wondering what the hell I am doing here and how did I get here but alls I was really worried about was whether or not the Heroin is trying to put in my arm is going to keep me “not sick” for the entire day. Well the police came by and I end up being escorted out of the house in cuffs. I spent my Wife and I’s entire savings over the course of a month, she didn’t know about my using, she thought I was going to work when I was really just pawning all of our possessions and depleting our bank account. The only advice I can give you is to check yourself into a detox or ask your husband to help, and be honest with your husband and hopefully he will understand that it’s not you that have done these things you feel bad about it is you as an addict. Detox is the first step and hopefully you can find a program that works for you. Fortunately for me my Wife didn’t throw me out because I truly don’t know how long I would be alive with out her. I wish you the best of luck. I have 48 days clean since then and it really does get easier the more time you have in recovery. I tell my self I don’t want to be in a situation like that again and think of all of the bad things that could happen if I use again. I know I will use til I die. I hope this helps. When you think nobody cares about you or nobody would miss you if you were gone, you can think of the people that replied to your post that don’t even know you, we care about you. I get where you’re coming from, I’ve been there and I can’t go back. As long as you want to get better you will. I believe in you.
Have you gotten a sponsor and worked the steps?
Holy shit …truly the same situation…don’t feel so bad now about selling my 1.5 k diamond from my engagkejt ring and replacing it with a cz…fml…
Chris no, I’m not 12 Step twelve…
I pawned my wife’s, told her I was getting it cleaned. Then she had to pay to get it out when I finally started gettin honest. Talk about a kick in the ballz. Still can’t believe half the shiz I did or said to keep my addiction going.
They the steps for 30 days and honestly try, if you don’t like it you can have your pain and misery back. Not to be mean but that’s what I was told. I fought the 12. Steps for years, it was my last choice and I was desperate enough to give it one last shot. It turned my life upside down, it gave me freedom and happiness that I probably don’t deserve.
I hope you find a sufficient substitute,if I could give you some of what I have I would.