Trying this again. Trying to turn my life around

I’m glad I found this community. I’m committed now to making better use of this app, and to taking my sobriety more seriously.

I first drank to intoxication when I was 17 y/o, while overseas for a summer program in Cambridge, England. I got quite sick, but still I loved the way it felt to be drunk. Even then, I knew I would do it again almost whenever I was able. Senior year of high school in Indiana, I went to parties most weekends and gained notoriety for drinking sometimes to the point of being sloppy, then driving home no matter what.

In college, I continued to abuse alcohol. I drank more than almost anyone I knew at Rice University. I was known among my friends and peers as a problem drinker. I continued to drive drunk with regularity, acting like I was somehow above the law.

At 22 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Indeed, I have really struggled with impulsivity over the years, from excessive drinking to drunk driving to sexual promiscuity, avoiding condom use for selfish reasons.

There have been a couple of times ovet the years I have quit drinking for up to 6-7 months, but no longer. Historically I have abstained from any drinking when I am struggling with depression, which is of course part of my disorder.

Arresred for my first DWI in July 2014, in Little Rock, Arkansas. I pleaded guilty, since I did break the law, and also it was pretty obvious. Got second DWI about 24 hours ago, July 2020, also in Arkansas. Because five years had elapsed it was counted as my first.

I go to AA meetings but it’s been too easy for me live a double life, if I allow myself. I am really looking toward a 30-day inpatient treatment program in Little Rock. However, there is now much reason to believe that I have contracted SARS-CoV-2, as I have symptoms of Covid-19. So there’s not much I can do right now except sit at home and endure this discomfort.

Even if it weren’t for this infection (test results pending), my car was impounded, I lost my license, and I really doubt I’m insurable right now. So I’m stuck.