Trying to Change My Future

Hi, I am new here and trying to make better life choices. I have been a real asshole for a long time in my marriage. I have a history of drinking excessively at times in social settings. I have said horrible things to my wife when I have been intoxicated and feel the world is weighing me down right now. I have emotional insecurities that need healing from my childhood. They tend to come out when I drink. My wife is very emotionally distant and I feel horrible for causing this pain in our marriage. Last night after my 39th birthday I said terrible things to my wife. Trying to fix myself so that I can get pass the past and move forward in life. Need sobriety to handle these personal issues.

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Hey @Phillip02 I’m so glad you’re here! That’s a great decision you’ve made.
Welcome to the club, man. You’re speaking my language. Happy belated birthday. (I’m also married and 39y/o.

It’s great that you want to be sober and improve your life. At some point, we all said “enough is enough”. One thing I like to remind myself is to stay in the present. It’s OK to make your goes and look back at your past… but don’t stare at it. Afterall, it doesn’t exist except in your mind. Besides, the best way to make amends for the past is with action today. Today is when you can heal your wounds. By becoming a different, better, version of yourself, you can replace the doubt in your wife’s heart with hope. Change who you are today, for the better and she’ll start to see that there’s a happier future for you both.

It all starts with you though. Ya gotta do this for YOU. Make yourself better, for your own good. It’s the only way it’ll ever work. Take it one day at a time and if you can say, “I didn’t drink today”, well, then today was a step forward.

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I appreciate your advice…believe me, it is much needed. Woke up this morning and said that this part of my life needs to change. I am tired of the shame and anger that this part of me has created.

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Thank you for the words of advice. I appreciate the sternness, because it is a reality that I need to face. I have had too many experiences like the one you described. I am confident that I can make most things in my life improve if I stay the course and focus on healthy ways to cope.

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This resonates with me very much. I have only thought about trying to get sober before now and ultimately decided to do so after having a knock down drag out fight with my husband. I said cruel things, made low blows, and - embarrassingly - know that I said even more than I remember. It was a blackout night, so I only remember so much. This certainly wasnt the first time I lashed out when I was completely wasted, but I sincerely hope it will be the last. I feel you friend. Hold strong. Our spouses deserve better than we have been giving them.

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