I’m 6 days away from 6 months yet here I am really struggling with the thought of “just one glass” . Where has all this come from? Well a split from my husband, it ended catastrophically on Friday, huge argument that happened in front of my children.
My marriage has been rocky to say the least over the years, married for 7 years and together for 9.5 years. For 4 of those I had a huge binge drinking problem and it ended when I caught my son ,while I was drunk leaving a mark on his eye.
My husband started smoking weed about 4 years ago too anyway cutting a long story short my husband couldn’t keep a job, I was always working and we struggled, I tried to hold my marriage together all be it drinking to forget the shit situation I was in.done marriage counselling etc, ,
My husband would voice record and video me when I was drunk and always used it against me, he couldn’t forgive me even when he said he could, I didn’t trust him,
Through recovery I got better every day that past and it was hard for my husband because slowly he no longer could control me or make me scared of losing my kids as he’d threatened so often.
I’d had enough, his last attempt of control over me was not allowing me access to any money which was since December, I flushed his phone in the toilet and removed him from the house with the assistance of police, now I’m battling him to stay in contact with his kids , they haven’t heard from him since Friday. I spotted him today outside alcohol services, when I went to talk to him he walked away, all I could do is shout after him saying that the kids wanted to see him then returned to my smart meeting.
This is so hard, the thoughts of "just one " are so real and pulling so much right now, what will it accomplish? Nothing I just want to escape the feeling of emotions, my children have cried their poor little eyes out missing their dad and even slept in the bed with me last night. I know in Time it’s going to pass but it’s so hard seeing my boys so emotionally upset
Oh girl, I’m sending you all my spare strength and courage right now. I have yet to have to deal with major life changing events in my sobriety, but I know they are coming in their own time. I get a lot of strength and comfort in seeing the things that my AA friends have been through, with their sobriety in tact: divorces, legal trouble, deaths (so many deaths - parents, children, siblings, partners), etc etc. That tends to give me strength to know that if they can do it, I will (when the time comes) be able to.
I KNOW you can do this. I KNOW you can navigate these challenges whilst staying sober. Reach out if there is ever anything I can do.
So sorry that you are facing this. All the more reason to stay strong. You are the one stable thing in their lives. You are the mast to which they cling as this storm tosses their lives about. Pray for your husband, that he finds that which he is missing, that thing that will fill the hole in his soul. That he has one is undeniable. Even if you don’t believe in a celestial God, praying for him frees you from negative thoughts, and frees you from feeling responsible for him. You can’t make him better. He has to decide to be better. You keep getting better at getting better, for you and your kids.
I am sorry that you are struggling and that things are so rough right now. I’ve seen your words on the forum over the months though. You are strong, you are built to weather a storm.
You can only control your own actions, and right now, you are doing right by you and your children. Hopefully your husband comes around, but you can’t force him to, unfortunately. Just keep being the mother to your children that you know you are.
Am at work atm so I can’t really help except to say don’t have that first drink, you have worked way too hard to get this far! Will try and catch up with you later, stay strong xxx
Oh girl. Our stories sound so similar. My ex husband used to video tape and record our phone calls so I understand. Hes a 250lb man and I punched him in the arm for telling me to shut the fuck up in front of our son when he was 5 months old, used the recording of me screaming at him as evidence and took my son from me for 23 days. Missed his first steps and first Easter. Absolutely horrible. So I get it. So glad you kicked him out. Dont give in to apologies too soon. Not sure if hes a narcissist, but my ex is. He will try to be super nice to get you back and you will fall for it and then shit will hit the fan and it will ALWAYS BE YOUR FAULT. Trust me, I get it! It’s a nightmare. Just remind yourself of why you are sober, for your kids and for yourself. Our kids deserve a sober mother. Hell we deserve to be sober for ourselves too. Girl, I am here for you if you need to talk!! Prayers and strength sent your way!
Just a quick update on today, its been so hectic and getting through with my eyes burning from crying. I’ve been signed off from alcohol services as I’m transitioning to being a recovery coach.
Social care phoned as my husband has been in contact with them to sort access to see the boys, he’s changed his phone number so I can’t reach him, he’s having the boys for a few hours Friday, he’ll pick them up from school and bring them home and I need to go out then till 8pm so he can have time with them on his own, dubious yes we’ll see how this goes
You need to remind him that not having access to your boys when they are away from you isnt right. He needs to provide a phone number or address where they will be when they are away from you. That’s in my divorce decree…
Ah, Michelle, I got nothing for this. That’s a lot. It’s good knowing you have a strong network of support built up to help you through all this without the dang drink that mucks things all up.
Clear head and strong heart. Small consolation as it may be today, this will pass as all things do. You’re making all the right moves.
Sorry to hear all this you’re going through mate, sounds rough but maybe not completely unexpected? Not that it makes much difference to how difficult it is!
Well done for being signed off alcohol services and making that step over to being a recovery coach. Is that the job that you’ve got, or is the job extra? Either way you are working so hard to turn your life around and that’s amazing - try not to lose sight of that even while all this mayhem happens around you
Ouch, sounds very rough and I am sorry you and your kids are having to go thru this. You sound sad but strong, a good combo. I know your sober mama skills are strong and you will get thru minute by minute and be all the stronger for it. It may not seem like it now, but being free of the husband and from the drink are the best gifts. Stay strong and know your children will remember and inherit your strength in life.
That’s what I like about you Michelle. Even when you are posting about the difficulties that you are experiencing at the moment, there is still positivity in your words.
I think you are an inspiration to a lot of people, not least your boys!
Stay with it girl!!
Sorry to hear that you’re right in the thick of it Michelle.
Your children are lucky to have you, you can be there to be the sober rock that they can cling to during this wild time. I agree that if you could even provide him with a burner phone to use if he’s going to be evasive and not want ou to have his number. This will show that your “respecting his boundaries” while still keeping safe lines of communication open for the kids.
I know it doesn’t help much right now, and there’s a lot of crap to wade through…but…it does at least sound from the outside like this is a good move for you and your kids and your heart and your sobriety in the long haul…hopefully that can at least give you a glimmer of hope off in the distance.
Your words helped me not too long ago in my very similar situation. I’m a good listener but not so good with advise except to say stay sober. You’'ll be so disapointed in yourself for giving into those voices youve learned to ignore over time. You’ll be getting on his level.
We cant worry about the things we cant control but we can control our sobriety.
I’m glad I could help, they storm is passed, no urges today. The ex has made contact directly today via messenger advising he’ll phone the boys later hopefully in time he’ll see I’m being reasonable.
Thanks for everyone support through my post, today is a better day, hit a meeting this morning and now home cleaning before getting the kids from school. The next few weeks I should imagine I’ll be hitting as many meetings as possible, start a new job which will be soon as I’ve already got training on the 29th of the month for dementia care, (paid job) and training from 11th-15th February for recovery coaching.
Then the money will come in, structure and routines will be established and I can put all my efforts into making myself and my boys happy. Going to be alot of struggles on the way, but as long as I keep working my program and hitting meetings I can get through this . Much love to you all
I’m so relieved to wake up sober today with a clear head. I can manage my thoughts , feelings and behaviours and know that today is a new day, each day being different when they come along, but all we are ever promised is today, tomorrow isn’t here yet. I would be in no state to make decisions if I was hungover , and I certainly wouldn’t be waking up to my boys
You’re making all the right moves.
hopefully in time he’ll see I’m being reasonable.
I’m so relieved to wake up sober today with a clear head. I can manage my thoughts , feelings and behaviours and know that today is a new day, each day being different when they come along, but all we are ever promised is today, tomorrow isn’t here yet. I would be in no state to make decisions if I was hungover , and I certainly wouldn’t be waking up to my boys