Trying to divorce Mary Jane

Life in Recovery
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Hello everyone.
I think I should just get straight to the point here before and hopefully writing this will convince me to not go purchase a gram or two. I stopped smoking weed yesterday and I’m so confused.

I’ve smoked weed everyday, multiple times a day, for the past 4 or 5 years. I have used it to “help” me with everything - often I even credit my weed smoking go my successes in university and life in general. The problem(s) is that I don’t want to be dependant on ANYTHING but my self to strive and prosper. Although nothing negative has ever come around in my life from smoking weed. But as I just wrote that I can see that it’s just an excuse to convince myself it’s not a problem.

I’ve become so used to using weed in conjuction with my training that I feel sick as I’m writing this because of anxiety.
I’ve done MMA my whole life and now I have began training twice a day everyday to become the strongest I’ve ever been… however I have, without fail, smoked a bong after every training session.

It feels like I’m constantly battling with my own mind about this. I want to stop, I need to stop, but at the same time I think I love smoking weed. My mind is always telling me things to justify having “just one more bong” and today is only my second day without smoking. I woke up this morning and all I can think about it trying to organize some weed… I don’t know why this is so hard. My eyes are open and I can see how this dependence and not being able to go more than 24hrs without becoming irritated and annoyed, is a problem.

I’m struggling here, I’m not gonna lie. I thought stopping would be easy. I stopped cigarettes in a day with ease because of my training and I have never become dependant on anything other than weed.

Told my counsellor ( I went to see one because of how hard this is for me) that I would try go a week sober just to show myself I can do it. I’m seriously doubting my strength on this… I just want to smoke but I know if I do, I’ll just be disappointed in myself. How can I be in the Marines if I can’t even go a few days with some mental turmoil due to me not having my daily bongs?

Sorry for the rant but my head is racing here and I don’t really have anyone I can speak to about this. From what it seems, I’m the only one I’ve ever met that just can’t put the bong down and prove that they don’t have an addiction.

What can I do? How do I make this easier? I feel de-motivated, moody, irritable, unproductive and just all round feeling of “I don’t care”. I mean, I can’t even get out of bed right now because I know I don’t have a gram of indoor waiting to be smoked and it de-motivates me WAY more than it should- it shouldn’t in the first place but this is how I know I have a problem.

Thank you all who managed to read this and if you’re in the same boat as me or have managed to get over a Marijuana dependence, please help a brother out. I know this is minor to many problems people have , but it is a problem and I need to get on top of it before it prevents progress in my life.

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I can relate to you a lot. I used to smoke weed and drink daily. I initially thought I was sober by just not drinking (cause of my alcoholic thinking), then realized I needed to face the fact that I also had an issue with smoking weed. Similar to you, I can’t smoke in the line of work I’m in. At first it was REALLY hard to not think about smoking, I even had a few dreams about smoking and would wake up in a panic. What helped me a lot was talking about it. Same thing with alcohol for me, as soon as I started going to AA meetings and talking about what was really going on with me, it helped me immensley. I think it’s great that you’re talking to a counselor, and setting the goal of 7 days without weed is a good starting point! You’re not alone, you can do this!! :wink:

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You are doing great. It is totally normal to have a hard time initially. After a month, things will get easier, you will feel better without it. You just need more time sober. Try creating a replacement ritual for the times you hit the bong. Be extra kind to yourself while you go through withdrawals. You got this!

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So I just woke up at 6:30am feeling more energized than I have in years.

My 4th day without smoking and my first day where I woke up and my first thought wasn’t about not being able to have a wake and bake.

Still have that itch to get some bud and my demons keep telling me, “you’ve gone 4 days without it so you must be able to function alright - why not have a smoke to reward yourself”. These fucking demons are the worst. Still waiting for the time when I don’t feel an urge to get high but I’m kind of enjoying my time sober, just need to be able to show my self I can keep myself from getting bored without a bong.

3 or 4 more days till I see my councillor again… and the weekend is coming up. Will be my first weekend in what feels like forever that I won’t be chilling with my mates or at home smoking it up. These thoughts make me anxious as hell.

To everyone on this app, you’ve got this. You inspire me and I know I’m not alone in trying to get things right. So keep it up and let’s keep those demons locked away! … funny how a simple app is helping me so much.

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Congrats on your 4, hopefully now 5, days. The first few weekends are the hardest. It gets easier though. I am now at 166 days marijuana free & I rarely think about it now. This app is what helped me through the rough patches and I hope it continues to help you. Best wishes for your continued sobriety.

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Im understanding of this issue currently. Ive tried stopping for over two weeks now and still cant find the motivation to just put the lighter down. Before, when I was an occational smoker, it was easy to just say no for the day or to forget the craving, but now as an everyday smoker for over two years its become my crutch for literally every ailment that comes my way. Weeds replaced my anxiety meds, depression meds, stomach meds, and my migraine meds. Its also replaced my emplyment, my friends, and my self worth. Getting out of this rut feels impossible. I hope you are able to find that motivation again to see yourself as a marine and sober :slight_smile: I also hope that you are able to form new and more appropriate habbits away from packing the next bowl or smoking the next dab.

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I just threw away half an ounce of northern lights today, feels bad man, but i been smoking for 22 years and is not the same anymore, I know those demons very well, I just had a dream today I was in the dispensary everyone there was my best friend, they offer me a joint and I took a hit, I woke up thinking, today I will smoke a bowl, I was pondering that same thought since yesterday, the fantasy felt so good, but i know Is just weed trying to get me back into her arms, which has been very good to me through most of my life, but lately Mary Jane has not been so kind to my thinking, so i got up this morning I said goodbye to her, my house is now free of her scent, her taste and love, but i don’t need Mary Jane anymore, I have a new life and a new love and that is sobriety.

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Tomorrow will be day 6 of being sober. Thank you for the help and helping me understand I’m not the only one dealing with this.

Hearing that you @anon33710869 just threw away all that northern lights makes me know that I’m not in this alone. You’ve got this my friend.

Just got home from my mates house where most of them were racking bongs but I just smoked some vape (0% nicotine) and i honestly feel like this was my biggest challenge for my self. Never thought I’d go a full weekend without Mary overriding all my senses . Today was a big day and i feel strong.

Don’t get me wrong. I still want to be high. But on the other hand, I’ve started proving to myself that I can go without it. The first two days were horrible but today I woke up and went about my day normally, something I thought would never be possible again without my wake and bake and smokes throughout the day.

I’ve also saved so much money already. In two days I would have saved R1300 which is quite a lot of money here where I live. I’m enjoying this sobriety and noticing and enjoying so much more. Now I just feel like I need to keep those demons at bay - the ones that keep telling me “you’ve proven you don’t need it so just relax and smoke a bowl”.

I will reply again to this thread tomorrow because I still have a lot to say and get off my chest which I think will help everyone in the same boat as me. But right now I’m tired and it’s the first night in years that I can say that without being super high. So when I wake up tomorrow I will reply again.

Once again, thank you all and keep going strong. We all will get through this and I know we have the will and heart to. Until my next post, I wish you all a good Sunday and know we’re in this together !

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A week sober today. First week in years. But I want to smoke and chillll. My mind feels like it’s constantly battling between my angles and demons.

Don’t feel so restless and anxious but I do feel like smoking. No real reason why either… will keep going but this is pretty hard. Don’t want to give in because more than disappointing myself, I will disappoint my family who have been helping me a lot through this. Damn this is having so many ups and downs. Feel so great sometimes but other times, like now, I just want to get high.

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Hi all, 1 day sober for me! Decided yesterday that it is effecting my life and those around me in a negative way. Been smoking most days for the best part of 3 years. Hopefully it will be a good journey, had to part ways with some friends as that’s all we had in common. And deleted my suppliers number. How is you coping? And what have been your most challenging parts so far?
Thanks

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Hey sorry for the delayed reply.
Day 8 for me now and it just gets easier. Although 2 days ago I found myself on tears because all I wanted was to smoke. I felt weak but I just removed myself from the environment I was in and went to the shops to distract myself. The most challenging part is trying to keep myself busy.

Getting high filled up all of my time so no matter what I was doing, be it work or gaming or even hiking, I would be high. And if I was just hanging around the house with nothing to do, I would be high, so bordem was never an issue. A few times, more than not, I would blow off my friends when they were going partying because I preferred to stay home and blaze.

Now I’m just reading a lot and when I crave I just try find something, literally anything, to do. But yeah, most challenging parts are when I feel bored and all I can think about is times getting high and how nice it would be. But I’m coping and just taking it one day and one hour at a time. Also just seeing how much money I’ve saved is a big bonus because I try reward myself and spend the money I would have on weed on other things more useful and in line with the career I want to pursue.