Tonight was hard for me to see someone I was in treatment with that was doing good finish IOP classes and tonight just wondering the streets. My first thought was just not deal with it cause he didn’t see me and I got wind that he was in full relapse and using. And the new me said I need to reach out and see I can help him. I stop what I was about to do which was going and buying me new shoes and ask him how he was doing. We talk for a minute but its really hard to talk to someone who is ON and they are just talking and not making any sence just and spinning out. I said I was on my way to a meeting and he should come. At first he was like no then he said yes and in my mind I was you really need a meeting and maybe you will hear something tonight that will make you think about whats going on in your life. I’m going to say sorry now cause I am just going to say whats really on my mind and not sugar coat it. On the way to the meeting this fucker starts talking shit to me about his girl and that she is texting me and that I’m probably fucking her cause all his other friends are and I really just wanted to punch him in the mouth and kick his ass to the streets where I found him and I didn’t cause we don’t shoot our own but I really wanted to fuck him up for running his mouth to me. In my mind I trying to stay supportive and not let my emotions get the best of me. We get to the meeting and he tells me he doesn’t want to go in and he just wants to stay in my truck. I’m like no fuckin way I didn’t pick you up listen to you runyour mouth to me and then have you sit in my truck. First of all I don’t trust anyone who is using and second fuck that get your ass in this meeting. He went in and I told him that we could sit towards the back if it makes you feel better. He sits in the front row I’m like OK and I sit next to him still supporting him. He sits for a minute gets up walks out a few minutes later comes back in sits down and repeats this about 6 more times. He finaly stays seated for the rest of the meeting but now he has sun glasses on mind you its 8pm. After the meeting he is talking with some of the other people that we both know out side and it seems to be doing ok gets a few numbers and we leave. On the way back this fucker starts talking shit to again about his girl and I should sober up cause I don’t think your sober and I just just lay in to him… THAT I FIGHT EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR MY RECOVERY TO STAY SOBER I FIGHT FOR MY LIFE AND NOT SPIN OVER A GIRL AND GIVE UP WHAT I WORKED SO HARD FOR! You went out and got your self a girlfriend knowing that you shouldn’t cause of whats proven in early recovery and thats why you are where you are today. You had 2 jobs and now what nothing cause of a girl and you had a roof over your head and now nothing cause you moved in with her knowing that you shouldn’t have. I said nothing the rest of the ride back to drop him off at a friends place told him that I can’t do your recovery for you. You gotta want it for yourself and if you need help to call me. He started talking shit again and I just left. On my way home I was thinking to myself did I handle it the right way or was I wrong for telling him like it is?
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I just needed to let it out cause I was letting it get to me for some reason and I’m never like that.
Its okay to vent and you weren’t in the wrong. Obviously he wasn’t in the right head space so you can’t beat yourself up over blowing a fuse. The only person you can help is yourself. Keep the focus on you and pray that he will find his way
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