Trying to hide alcohol in marriage

Need some advice:
I’ve been married for 3 years with 3 children. My husband recently cheated on me. We’ve been trying to work it out but I’ve turned to alcohol and need some advice on how to tell my spouse I’m secretly an alcoholic. How do I go about telling him? He cheated on me and this is my way of coping. How do I move forward???


Do you want to get sober? If yes, then come right out and tell him but also include your plan for getting sober. Secrets keep us sick.


Hey Rebecca, I’m sorry for the pain your husband’s behaviour has inflcited on you. I know that pain. Alcohol does nothing to help with it. Do you want to get sober? It isn’t quite clear from your message. But let me tell you, sober will be the only way to work through the feelings from the cheating and bring your marriage and most importantly yourself to a better place.

Wish you the best.


Hey Rebecca,

I almost lost my marriage through drinking secretly. It will catch up to you and getting called out on it is horrific. The drinking is likely a way of suppressing the pain of your husband cheating and unfortunately it is a pain you have to let yourself feel. It won’t be nice but it is temporary, it will pass. Allowing the pain to come will help you decide what you really want to do. Trust me that you need a clear mind to deal with what you are going through. It is crazy how our minds can react to trauma like what you are going through. You can find yourself drinking in secret, acting out the pain you are feeling and your mind tells you it is the best thing for you. “You are showing the world your pain”.

Show the world your strength.

The addict in me wants to tell you to get sober in secret but I know it doesn’t work. Show your strength through vulnerability and seek any help you need. Doesn’t have to be your husband but you will need help.

Very best of luck.


I do want to get sober. I want this so bad for myself and for my children. I just don’t know how to tell him that he’s the reason I started drinking, I don’t want to hurt him, but he hurt me really bad.


He may know. But he may be afraid to say anything because he feels bad himself. I agree with all the other posters in that alcohol doesn’t fix any problems. It only makes it worse. I like the saying, I used to drown my problems in alcohol until I found out they can swim. Good luck! You deserve better for yourself.

You don’t have to tell him your drinking is a direct result of his cheating. Say you’ve been using alcohol as an emotional coping mechanism and now you want to learn healthier ways to cope. Then ask for his support while you navigate your new journey.