I’m an alcoholic. I make awful decisions when I drink. I’m writing this post to try to hold myself accountable, and hopefully by allowing myself to fully feel the shame it will strengthen my resolve to get sober. The other night I went out with a friend to a nightclub, which I rarely do. When we got there, I accepted drinks from strangers. I don’t know if I was just really drunk or if someone slipped something in one of these drinks, but I blacked out and apparently was in and out of consciousness. My friend was trying to get me home, and a cop stopped by because i was lying on the ground and either wouldn’t or couldn’t get up. When we got home, I couldn’t even take off my own boots. I don’t remember anything. The next morning, I couldn’t face the hangover, so I started drinking again. Now I’ve been violently ill in bed all day because my weakness led me to drink again. Why am I like this?
I haven’t had a drink today, I could barely choke down some cereal. This feeling is unbearable, this paralyzing panic and gut-wrenching shame. I want to drink to make it go away, but I won’t. I know it will pass, I’ll be ok by tomorrow. But I want to remember this pain, I want to keep it as a reminder that I can never drink again.
Sorry for the rant, this is more me thinking out loud than anything else.
Remember the pain, let go of the shame, would be my advice.
You are not a bad person. You deserve to be sober and happy. You deserve to wake up tomorrow without a hangover.
If you are feeling like you do want change in your life, try AA. I know it’s not for everyone, bit if you’ve reached a point where you’re willing to try anything to escape the cycle, might as well give it a shot, right?
Focus on today. Be gentle with yourself. There is hope.
unfortunstely you quickly forget the psin. You quickly forget the shame. Thats the reality of being a drunk.
long term you will feel better if you quit and people will forget the precise details of your loss of control
Maybe check out a meeting.
Do not blame yourself. Give yourself one more chance. Falls are part of learning. Good luck.
Looks like this is not your first go round with quitting alcohol. What have you decided to change? Going to meetings? Changing the places you hang out? The people you hang out with? Have you spoken to your dr? Told close family or friends your no longer drinking? Figured out why you drink? Worked on bettering yourself? I had to do all of this and more to stay sober. Sobriety is achievable, but it wont just be handed to you. you have to work hard for it but you can do it and your worth it. 
I think perhaps this time around I’d better check out meetings. I have told my friends that I can’t drink anymore, so now they’ll hold me accountable and they’ll understand why I can’t go to bars to hang out anymore. I also need to talk to my fiancee about not drinking our weekends away any more, hes a drinker too but has yet to admit he has a problem. Thanks so much for the support 
You may want to read The Naked Mind, it helped a lot of us. Just remember, its a highly addictive drug, that’s the problem. You can beat this, life is too precious to waste it.
Talking to your friends and fiancee is a huge step. For me, admitting that I was an alcoholic and coming clean about it to the people I love served two purposes: it was freeing and it kept me accountable. I was relieved not to have to try to moderate and fail yet again. I was relieved that my lies and my shame could end. And I knew that m, once I told those closest to me, it would be really hard to go back.
Though you feel terrible today, you have taken huge steps. I’d suggest checking out that meeting while these feelings are still very fresh. You will find that you are surrounded by folks who are much like you - all of whom are working to live better lives.
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Meetings make it easier wish you well