My name is Shani. I moved to Canada, living in Whitby. I came from Dubai three years ago. I had never done any type of NA before I met my ex about two year ago. That was my first time over time I had forgotten how it consumed me and how things were falling apart from me . I went to rehab and told her I left the country so I wouldn’t be bothered till I sobered and understand what was going on with me. At the rehab, people told me to stay away from that environment because instead of being just high. She put “Fear of unknown” and I started becoming more paranoid. The fact that I can’t mention or talk about her last and her being prostitute which was a hidden from overwhelmed when I slowly started figuring out what was going on and how my drinks were being spiked. She says that she loves me and wants to me turn into a crackhead like her which one I decided to walk away and checked into rehab. I have been sober for about two months haven’t taken any prescribed medication because they were the same medications she was on which then turn into trauma or hallucinations for me. Till this date I’m not sure what was given to me, the last we had sex like how you hear the sounds in porn . I may sound dumb but these kind of experiences not familiar since I’m from Dubai and i couldn’t talk to anyone about it since I was new here and we started dating without the two months I was here. I’m trying to socialize but it’s hard my business was shut down for a year which I’m opening again by the end of October. I usually just sit home smoke a pack day of cigs and just keep thinking about what happened as she was the first girl I did and so much of it I can’t tell if it was real or not. I just can’t understand what it was. If anyone can suggest any meeting or socialize events or any tips that would be great. I literally just stumbled upon this and now I think I’m talking to myself never thought moving to Canada would start out like that for. I went back to Dubai for a month to see my family and everyone it was so hard to keep myself normal or not get mad to make sure no one knows. I haven’t gone to therapy as you know from middle eastern point we’ve been just taught to cope with anything. Sorry if I wanted to much or sound dumb or w.e . Idk what to say anymore I’m just lost at this point
Welcome. I live abroad myself, so I do understand what it is like to be a bit isolated or different where you live. Did the rehab not give you details of local NA meetings? You can search meetings here Find NA - Narcotics Anonymous World Services
In terms of non-recovery related socialising, I am not sure how large Whitby in Canada is, but maybe you could look into local groups at a community centre, gym, etc to try to meet other people.
Of course, you can always log into here and find people to connect with.
That sucks. I feel like the transition from rehab to regular life is just as challenging as the rehab itself. Hopefully some other members with real experience of this can chime in soon.
Welcome. I’m glad you’re here. This is a safe place if you need to vent or talk. I don’t know much about things abroad. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot..it also sounds like you’re making the right decision for yourself right now.
Wow there is alot to unpick here. Although it sounds like you have done a great job at putting all the pieces together that were done to you. There is still alot to process especially the anger.
Journalling can help, but it sounds like talking it out with real people would help you get outside and get connected.
Therapy is just a word for talking and someone listening !
I have so much anger in me, I can’t even explain I came out of rehab and I did it again just to see if I was hallucinating by doing too much but it wasn’t the case I tried once to look for that euphoric feeling but I stopped. The anger in me wants me to try and see what was given to me but my brother and friends suggesting the more you good look for it the more you’ll lose yourself in it . It’s so fucking hard to move on since I never had ever done it before some suggesting that she might be working a girl for someone given how much was put in to my drinks and money etccc. I joined mma to help out but I just can’t I went to therapy but it didn’t help. This girls would talk about roleplays to move from her partnerbut the more the relationship went on made it seem like someone’s watching. What I wanna know is “fear of unknown” is it really hallucinating or is that real where everything that happened or led to it was real but the person that was running was the fear of unknown that she triggered in me . The worst part is not alot of people can understand it, it’s like if I have mood swing my family thinks I might have done it which leads to me actually wanting to do it but I haven’t. I promised them that 4 times randomly they can ask me to do test anytime and I have been sober for about 6 months now
Congratulations on your sober time. Did you try any meetings? Just hearing other people’s experiences can make you feel less one, even if it is not exactly the same.
