Oi! @ST4000bc 
You still here love? Xxx We need your input in whether drama teachers are entitled to run screaming from creepy pre-teens doing solo performances…
@Amy30 and @Mischa84 are firmly of the belief that he should have gritted his teeth and suffered the whole 3 minutes.
@LeeHawk isnt sure…we need confirmation.
I’m a little more sympathetic…cos i know just how sinister i was as a kid.
We need you 
THAT is brilliant 
I think we shouldn’t make fun of him, it’s very possible he’s on this forum as well, still recovering after trauma some teenage chick gave him long time ago 
Drama teacher, if you read this, we love you (not like Lucy tho) xD
Giving serious consideration to creating a support network just for him…the apology letter was even worse if it’s possible…
My head of year gently put her hand on my arm when i was writing it and said "no dear, no…start again and start with “Dear Sir’, not ‘My beloved’…”
Screaming.
Holy moly, this thread is delightful and bless you for turning your teenage stories of golden leotards and dances of passion into a distraction we clearly all needed. I especially love that you recreated it years later for a lark. You win the golden leotard for putting yourself out there at 13 and doing it again for us here. For the record, 13 year old you is my hero. Dance! Dance! Dance!
Hello my lovely 
It helps doesn’t it!!!..it gets so dark sometimes and it can feel like the whole world is caving in. If ive learned anything in sobriety, its that laughing is so chronically undervalued. I think sometimes we feel like we’re going to invalidate or belittle a situation if we laugh, but its not true…we all know how serious addiction is and how utterly devastating it is - but taking a breath and finding something funny does soooo much good.
I spent years thoroughly embedded in a mentality that said the sadder i was, the more legitimate my trauma was…and it was all a big lie in my head. I kinda had myself convinced that if i ‘recovered’ then somehow it lessened all the trauma that landed me into alcoholism in the first place. Completely toxic mentality. I spent years drinking myself to death because somehow it ‘prooved’ how hurt i was…and if i stopped, and i wasn’t that messy, drama-fuelled agent of chaos anymore, that meant i had said ‘it doesn’t matter, im fine, its okay.’ I honestly didn’t want to let it go because i felt like I’d earned the right to be a mess.
It’s so nuanced…all of it. Its such a cruel form of self harm…and i got sober because, literally, instead of saying “oh god, ive always been such a mess, I’ve always had something missing…” i started thinking “actually, donning a leotard and trying to seduce a middle-aged, gay drama teacher…is pretty funny”
And once the giggle started, i couldn’t get rid of it…I haven’t lost my temper, felt desperate or out of control or lost hope in years now…the world is dark, we are all dark: but god, we’re soooooo funny and life doesn’t last long.
Im hoping he pops back on here and checks in. I hate seeing people get desperate…and i have a ton of really awful dad jokes just waiting for him.
Thanks everyone, I did come on here to check but I didn’t feel in the right mind to reply.
I’m feeling a bit better today.
I locked myself in and waited for it to pass. That has got to be the strongest urge yet, but I made it through. It was Hell.
Thanks again
Grateful that you did what you needed to for it to pass! Yay! Sorry it was such a strong craving, glad you were stronger. Appreciate the update.
I think it all came from a letter that my counsellor had written to my doctor advising him to prescribe me antipsychotics. That would be the 5th medication they will be giving me and it was horrible reading it.
I just felt like I am digging myself a deeper hole being in rehab instead of trying to climb out of it. I’m trying to rebuild my life, not add more dysfunctional labels to myself. Anyway, I think my addict brain thought ‘Meh, what do they know. Get out of here while you still can. Let’s get drunk,’
Hoping for the best possible for you. Stay in touch and let us know how you are.
I had to think about an acid trip I once had, where my mother had to call ambulance because I went psychotic. What I remember most is that I felt like the Universe forced me to choose a life of never having sex again but being able to laugh as much as I want, or never laughing again but therefore having sex as much as I want. I chose to never have sex but laugh instead and knew in my heart it was the right decision. I love sex but what is life without laughter??? I couldn’t imagine it, laughter is power and love and so much more and even on days when I’m alone and don’t talk to anyone I tell myself jokes or just laugh without reason. But in addiction I would have days where I didn’t laugh or laughed very little. I could hear my laughter getting more quiet and sick with every day I used . But with every day I’m sober I feel my laughter coming back more
As we go thru this awesome insane time Called sobriety,
I’m reminded that the time we are not using is our equal opposite of that person inside us that was using
Keep talking to that insane individual inside and remind him that we are better people sober
We eat better
We sleep better and then offer that person inside us a hug and a nice glass of cool water
Refreshing
Tastes good
Water
It’s going to taste fresh
Water
Yum
Remember to breathe, remember your why. I know it’s hard but we can do this together. Reach out to someone who understands.
@TheWaterDog Hello, I’m ok thank you. Feeling a lot better.
Thanks again for distracting me, I appreciate it. You’d think that the urges to drink would be easier by now, but they come back strong as ever. The only consolation is that they’re getting further apart. It’s the times when you feel like you’re being kicked when you’re down because it takes you off guard.
So glad to hear from you. You’re doing amazing to be getting through it.
I’m not going to lie @ST4000bc you had me worried there for a bit as I read down through this thread from the start. It started bleak, got a little better with Tina Turner then improved massively when you showed up on the other side of what sounded like a rough ride. Nice one pal. Let’s go get another 24 hours!
