I was clean for a year and a half. And my boyfriend 8 months. We both relapsed once. A week ago. And here we are again. Seems sorta hopeless
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Not hopeless. You have all that sober time. Just get right back on the wagon. Figure out the cause of the relapse and work on fixing it.
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Its not hopeless. But you do need to consider if he will try sobriety again or not. You have had a good time sober and you can do it again.
Look at your life. Figure out the cause for the relapse, same as he should do. Go to meetings. Talk to people in the program.
You both done so well - that hard work and achievement doesn’t just dissapear, so be proud of all that.
Also, you recognize you wanna keep going! It’s about how you DEAL with this now - that’s important.
X
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Well done on being sober for so long. I read/ heard from This Naked Mind podcast something really interesting:
Why is it with addiction or dependence we only calculate success in absolutes? In any other area of life (diet, exercise, study, getting over a physical illness) we are much more kind and patient.
What is your percentage sober in the last few years? I bet it is a lot if you have been having months without it.
I think it is harder to quit when we are hard on ourselves. Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would treat a loved one.
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I had a complete meltdown last night and relapsed after 6 days of being sober. I’m totally disgusted with myself and very let down. Back to day 1 
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Don’t be disgusted with yourself! - easier said then done, trust me I know. Every time you “start over” at least that’s a day or two, or even three you were sober. Just don’t give up! There are thousands of people on here to have hiccups too! Good luck.
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Well because if I drink again, I will probably die. If I have a cheat day on my diet it probably won’t kill me. But if I go back out I probably won’t survive. I’m a true blue alcoholic. This is life or death for me. This isn’t “oh I drink to much on the weekends”. It’s more along the lines of “if I don’t stop drinking and using then I’m going to die”
Everyone is different. I mean no disrespect to your experience.
I was just providing some insight as to why some people view a relapse as something very serious and others don’t. There’s plenty of people here who probably aren’t alcoholics and aren’t in a lethal situation. Some days I wish I were one of them. I have nothing against them. It’s great that they have somewhere they can come too. But for me to drink is to die. And I know there’s others here that are right there with me.
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Of course. We all have different experiences and beliefs.
We must also think of the consequences if we drink. Im a binge style addict. Its full throttle or nothing. Alcohol isnt my drug of choice but it can easily be abused and i have. So usually if the night went ok and forgotten…my hangovers were fukin horrible. I see nothing good about moderation. As with any substance you build a tolerance and will continue to increase intake gradually to a bigger problem even if your not a binge addict like myself.
Just to be clear @Donnie_Spiering and @Englishd I wasn’t suggesting anyone moderate their drinking. I was saying, when someone has been 99% sober in the last however many years they should be proud too. We all make mistakes and hating yourself after a slip up and feeling hopeless, from my perspective, isn’t the answer. That is what I mean by measuring success in absolutes. Not that people should drink whenever they feel like.
I don’t moderate. I just decided not to drink. I don’t believe in being powerless or hating myself for it. I want to be kind and love myself for it, including any mistakes I have made.
I hope that clears up my point. I respect other people’s ideas on this. I also binge drank and had some horrific experiences while drinking.
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If I may put my 2 cents in here. I agree with what you have clarified as your point. I am not powerless over the first drink or use. After that, for me, I am COMPLETELY powerless over the next drink. It’s just the way it is. So I keep my power, I don’t take the first one.
I used to get very upset that I didn’t stay sober the first time around. Made me mad as hell. But I just wasn’t done. I had more drinking in me and nothing was going to change that. BUT, had I not had those few months clean this time would probably not have worked the way it has.
@MissComplicated, take what you learned the last time and make it work this time. AND, do things different as well. Add to your recovery program, whatever that may be. There is so much to be gained! I still have some anger and regret about not succeeding the first time. I use those feelings to fuel my sobriety this time. And I’m very confident that this time is THE time. But I’m also not complacent. That would be the death of me. That first drink or drug is always within reach. That’s what I control, the first one.
Make everything that’s happened up to this point work in your favor. You’ve learned a ton over the course of your life. Use ALL of it to succeed!
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One year and a half is a pretty big milestone. All thos sober time is not wasted. You did it and you experience it. Compare and choose life. I am a bad example. Only starting but I choose sobriety again
I didn’t think that at all. My response would have been much less measured lol. All I was saying is that for me there isn’t 99% sober. There’s either 100% or dead. Alcoholics like me don’t have 2 beers and then get back to recovery the next day. If I drink and somehow survive I won’t crawl back to rehab until I’m homeless and living in the gutter.
Yup, this is where I’m at now. This was the last straw. There is nothing left in me anymore. Sober or end up dead or worse.
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