I don’t know what it is about the past few months that has me itching to relapse. A good friend of mine committed suicide two years ago and I stopped cutting then and there. It wasn’t really a conscious choice, I just felt sort of guilty cutting myself because of his death, like it would make him sad. That summer I really liked not having to hide my legs all the time. I still had scars obviously, but those are easier for people to look past than red, angry cuts. Since then it’s almost been easier just to not do it. I’ve struggled occasionally, but I don’t keep anything sharp enough to use in my house besides kitchen knives, and since I have roommates the strangeness of me walking into the kitchen and taking one has kept me from doing so until the urge has passed.
For the past two or three months though, I think about cutting very often. I’m not even particularly depressed right now, I just can’t stop thinking about the release it would give me. I am also five months clean from weed, so maybe it has something to do with not having that vice anymore. I don’t really feel the urge to smoke pot though, whereas the urge to cut is sometimes so strong that I’m amazed I don’t just give in. I know that once I “break the seal” so to speak I will not be able to stop again so easily.
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Keep going strong. It isn’t worth going back to that pain. You’re worth more than that. And I know you know that; otherwise, you wouldn’t have posted. If you haven’t yet, definitely try to message some of the other people who struggle with self harm. This isn’t something I deal with; otherwise, I’d offer more. The short feeling of release though pales in comparison to a life of sobriety. Directly reach out to them and stay safe!
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Thank you. I know it isn’t worth it right now, I’m just worried because I sometimes get into a mindset where it DOES seem worth it and it’s difficult to talk myself down. And yes I’ve been looking around for some other people with the same problem. That’s why I joined, to find people to talk to. I’ve tried some self harm forums but a lot of the people on them are anti-recovery which is of course very triggering.
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Yeah, resisting the urge in the moment can be crazy hard. Have you met @Lilredhead3 and @Sophiesrecovery? I’m sure they’d be happy to talk with you. I’d offer more, but I don’t want to give the wrong advice for your issue. My problem is porn. Anyway, congrats on your sobriety from both of those! 
I’m hoping to reach five months and beyond this time round. Happy sobriety!
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If you find yourself going back to these thoughts though, that is a sign that you have “reasons” for returning. You might benefit by sitting down and figuring out what these are and then writing down responses to counter these false beliefs that are holding you back. Otherwise, they’re going to keep (edit)nudging at you.
Yeah I’ve been considering therapy to help with this problem but I’ve tried in the past and never felt comfortable in that environment. I’m not so good at sorting out my own thoughts and the reasons behind my impulses.
And thanks, congratulations on your sobriety too 
5 months is a long time, but that’s something I’m sure you can achieve.
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Hi! Like thetwilightrunner said, I’m recovering from self harm myself. It’s never worth it to go back to cutting, no matter how much it seems like it will bring relief. We have different coaddictions, but I’ve definitly seen that in my recovery when I do well at giving up one struggle I have stronger urges to return to the other. Maybe that is what’s happening as you are giving up weed.
It’s always hard when you’re fighting more than one struggle. When you may be doing well in one or the other it can create a really nasty cycle. You’re not alone though. There’s definitely more of us on here with self harm struggles and you can reach out any time.
You’re worth fighting these urges and not harming. Keep fighting. Be safe! You’re in my prayers and feel free to pm me anytime!
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I was almost four years clean when I relapsed and it has been so hard ever since to last more than a month. You’ve got two years behind you and it think it’s wise to not want to break that even once. Don’t give that up without a serious fight. Two years is wonderful, congratulations
Thank you for the thoughts & prayers. Four years is a long time, I’m sorry to hear about your relapse but I hope things go better for you in the future. I’m not sure if what kind of mental state I would need to be in to actually go through with it after two years, I just hate thinking about it all the time. I guess nobody ever said the urges would go away though, and I know I wouldn’t really feel any better if I gave in.
I’m hoping to reach five months and beyond this time round. Happy sobriety!
5 months is a long time, but that’s something I’m sure you can achieve.