Since the first time I drank a PBR out in the woods at 14, this is the longest I have gone without alcohol in my system for the past 44 years.
44 years of drinking…my entire adult life. Minus my now sober 2 years and pregnancy and breast feeding…so 40+ years of drinking. A lifetime.
It was damn tough letting go of that version/vision of my self. I had to get to the very darkest place before true change could happen. Deciding to live sober and not die a mean sloppy drunk was a very long process of self discovery and a lot of hard work. But inevitably, the pain of living the drinking life …the feeling of letting myself and family down endlessly, of getting myself out of the messes I created over and over, of surviving not thriving, of hating…loathing… who I was…all that and much more finally drove me to doing the work and getting sober.
For me, it was learning I alone am responsible for whether or not I drink. Sounds easy, but it took me awhile to truly internalize what this means…especially as I live with a functional drinker. And by ‘awhile,’ I mean a couple of years. I had to learn how to ‘be’ without alcohol and how to feel my feelings, live life and its challenges without turning off all the emotions that come with life.
So, after a LOT of relapses and a lot of education, I am 2 years sober. A true blessing.
Never give up trying. Keep quitting and adding to your sober toolbox. Do what works for YOU. Take each day as it comes and don’t worry about forever. Today is the only day we have. I am blessed and grateful to be here at 730 days.