Ugh...relapsed again

So I had several days sober then husband comes home and starts drinking. I think well I will have one glass of wine. Well that turns into several. I remember throwing up and I think husband and daughter are mad at me. Can’t really remember. I’m so sick of this. I’m sick of not remembering and having to say I’m sorry. I’m afraid my daughter will hate me. How do I get sober when literally everyone around me drinks? All of my family and friends drink. How do I do this? I’m just so sad and disgusted with myself. :confused:


I was/am in the same boat. Until I really got that my sobriety was 100% my responsibility and did not depend on if someone else was drinking or not (like my husband who usually was and still is)…well, til I really honestly owned it, I could not get sober and seriously into recovery.

I spent a lot of time going to bed early or finding a class to get me out of the house at night in the early days of my final push for sobriety. I took myself away from the drinking if possible until I built some sober muscles and really internalized that me not drinking was totally on me. I cannot control anything or anyone but me. It was not easy and I bet AA would have made it a faster process for me, but I muddled through.

I also kept a list of how I wanted to live my life, and the benefits of not drinking. For example, the original post you just made…I would read that again next time you think just one glass. It really helped me to do that. To remember how horrible drinking made me feel about myself and physically.

I can tell you that it has been freedom since I got real and sober. It was hard and a long time to get here, but so worth it. It sounds like you are ready. Keep trying and figuring out what works for you. AA might be a good thing for you to give you more strength. It CAN be done.


I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My husband also drank. The only thing that has saved me was going to AA meetings. I would honestly give them a chance (I was their biggest skeptic!!). I then sat my husband down and told him we needed an alcohol free house if he wanted me to stop. He now only drinks out of the house and away from me.

You can do this xxx


Hi @Harley12 I was going to respond to you but @SassyRocks got there before me and did so far better than I could… absolutely 100% agree with every word…the key to it for me is when I realised that I was not missing out on anything…and I was free from it…hang in there and keep trying :grin:


Yep my husband drinking also kept me drinking. I do feel he was an enabler. I told him multiple times a year I never wanted to drink again, I’d feel like killing myself if I drank today, then we’d head to a brewery. Or he’d be on board not drinking, then a couple days later on our day off he’d be offering me drinks again.


The things you can change are in THIS day, this hour. You can’t change what happened. You can only focus on today-there is a fine line between reflection and guilt in my opinion. Right now you need to focus on being sober today.

Do this for YOU.


Hey new here. I know that feeling and it’s a bit different for me. Everytime friends come over or want to go out I will drink for the sake of it. I’m an alcoholic but don’t want help because I think I can do it on my own. I drink about 15 drinks every night and have atleast 30 smokes to go with it. I’m 28 still young but my lungs are feeling it as well as my liver everyday. It is hard and I do believe your husband should respect your wishes and drink out. I drink alone at home so it’s alot harder since i am in that habit now which is hard to crack. I’m sure you will get a stronger will power and maybe one day soon be able to sit around your husband at home while he has a few. But I know it’s hard, maybe talk to him again… goodluck


My friends still drink, as does my husband. Having said that, my husband has been incredibly supportive of me, and he agreed without hesitation to get the booze out of the house. He is a true normal drinker who can be totally happy with one. Not me, baby. I’m gonna drink it all!

I’ve had to have some awkward conversation s with long time friends. Basically, I’ve told them that I have stopped drinking and asked that they never offer me a drink. I can’t control what they do, but I can sure take precautions to make sure I don’t have easy temptation.

I can say definitively that I would not be sober without going to AA. If I know there is an occasion when I will be around alcohol, I up my meetings and make a plan in advance with my sponsor. I also always have a pre-planned exit strategy if my head starts going in a bad direction.

None of this is easy. But I’ll say this:. All the work is so, so worth not having to feel that self-hatred and shame anymore. Staying away from that first drink lets me give myself a little pat on the back every night rather than listening to my mind scream at me for fucking up yet again.

You can do this. You are not alone. Take help in any place you can find it.


So many helpful responses on here. I agree that it’s very difficult in our society to find an environment with sober people. Most spouses and friends drink. I had to find my own inner strength without much help to get sober on my own. It definitely slowed down my husband from drinking. It was a HARD long road to remove alcohol from my life but it was the best decision I ever made. My health, happiness & mental health has greatly improved. Good luck & keep focused.


I can’t imagine what you’re dealing with to try to live sober but your partner still drinks and brings alcohol into the house. I am lucky and my husband has stopped drinking with me. I think in early sobriety it is too difficult to say no to the alcohol if it’s right there in front of you. You need to build some sober muscles first. Talk to your husband. Ask him if he could please not bring any alcohol home for like 30 days. Tell him you’re not asking him to never drink, you just need an alcohol-free home environment for some time in the beginning. If he cares about you, I’m sure you guys can come to some sort of agreement on this. Good luck!


Obviously everybody is different, but my wife still has a glass of wine every night, and her parents have wine with dinner when we go there, plus we have a fridge at work always filled with my favorite beers so i had to get over the idea of it not being around because realistically it wasnt possible. I know its up to me to not drink and nobody else.


You are all so amazingly strong. I am in awe.

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It was fitness classes at the gym and yin yoga. I looked up where and when and always had them in my pocket if I needed to scram. Plus, yin yoga is like meditating for an hour plus…so sloowwww…

Signing up for an academic class is a good idea as well…but for me, physical exercise and or mental quieting were perfect.

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But you have to take something “yang” to balance out the yin, or else your Chi will be blown.

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I do lots of yang activities, non yoga…so no worries there. Life itself can be plenty yang for me.

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