Thought I should write this today. Was battling extra hard last night and somehow convinced myself it would be ok to watch porn today . I’m having trouble separating what I want versus what my body is telling me if that makes sense. In the moment, I always find a way to convince myself and have trouble stopping every craving when they come. Thought I had a handle on myself but to be honest, I’ve been weak and have trouble keeping myself honest. The hardest part is finding a reason to do something else, when there should be “no consequences” for watching porn. But for me, I know there is consequences and can see them first hand in my life. But at the same time, I still fall victim to my own demons. It’s only day 5 for me and it’s been very hard, longest I’ve stopped that I can truly remember and feel confident. Although I stopped watching the porn and deescalated the system, I feel weak minded. People may not see porn as an addiction but they could not stand to walk a mile in my shoes. Thanks for listening, think I’m going to need to be more active on here. One last piece, for me I wonder the affects porn addiction has on my mind , especially in the aspects of depression. It seems like for me porn and depression go hand in hand, can anyone else relate? This was difficult to post but the only way is through
Thank you for sharing with us and being so honest. I also have an addiction to porn: it goes hand in hand with my meth addiction. When I use and get high, I HAVE to watch porn…for hours on end.
It’s a way if escaping reality and stresses that I have. I believe you when you say it’s hard to stop. I’m learning to just shut down my computer, and get outside for a walk and fresh air. Watching porn, as a gay man, depresses me because I can never be as hot, as young and as
Sexual as the guys in the porn. It’s ridiculous that I even think those stupid thoughts.
I hear your struggles and wish you the best.
You’re being honest now. How does it feel? What could happen if you keep on being honest about this?
Thank you both for responding and listening. Being heard about this problem I kept inside for so long is truly freeing and is helping me change.
I don’t know if it will help but try releasing dopamine’s in a different way when your feeling depressed as it seems your body feels the urge to watch porn as a way of releasing the chemicals that is meant to make you feel good…
I go out for a walk, getting some air even when I feel fucking shit and just want to hide its hard but has helped… It also helped me from using the same coping behaviours to eliveate the low mood.
Stay strong… Your body wants you to be happy… Start finding new ways on giving your body what it needs.
Thank you so much for your response. I actually have been starting to get off my ass and have been going to the gym and rowing. I totally agree with you on finding something else to focus on but even with that, I still find myself with too much free time and end up thinking too much. I think I had been watching porn so much that at some point it has turned into a hobby, ritual, and daily routine. Only recently have I been able to admit this to myself even though I’ve been watching porn consistently for years. To your reference about deppression, this a struggle that goes hand in hand with porn. Only recently have I begun to question myself and asking myself about depression, as porn and depression have gone hand and hand for me. It is very hard for me to admit that I have been struggling with depression, just as hard as admitting my porn addiction. I think I am beginning to understand that these two problems go hand in hand. Another problem that leads to confusion is my understanding of depression and if I really am feeling this “bad” in a sense. My whole life I have always compared myself to other people and has lead me down paths I am not proud of, all I know is that I am confused. Thank you for listening to me
Your not alone! That I firstly want you to know…
Gosh when I’m depressed I go to watching porn or reading erotica (note: I’m trying not to rely on okd coping ways), your body and mind know that they get some euphoria…
If you have too much time than find a project… I don’t know buy an old car revamp it, take up a language, come on here and read and write to us fellow addicts. We are all finding our way through this journey and just by reading I’ve been able to take up some new strategies to support me through sobriety.
Heck I have a daily journal something I’ve never done but have found its focused my mindset… I’ve gone from fighting just hours of my addictions to days…
Thank you so much. I really just downloaded this app because I wanted to try it, didn’t even know about the forum. Within the past week I have found more validation and confidence in this app than I’ve been able to give myself in years, truly. Reading through the forums of people struggling like me has truly improved my situation and outlook. I felt very alone and alienated to where I was just locked up within myself.
I am a full time student right now so I am constantly juggling with my schedule. I think you are right though, definetly need to look into some hobbies.
Do you have any tips on porn and depression, and fighting both at the same time. It seems when one acts up, the other acts up just as hard. I have never been this open about my mental health to anyone but find it to be freeing really.
Either depression, maintaining a routine getting up, changing clothes making sure I’ve bathed. Recogning when my mood really drops, not eating shitty food or binge watching tv, I feel that not of these helped my mood and just made me spiral and would beat myself.
With the porn side… If I felt myself swaying that way, I’d lock my phone for an hour… Disconnect the internet. Go find something in my flat to do something a washload or clean the bath out… If I still felt like I that wasn’t gonna help. I get out the house, I text someone to distract my mind.
I don’t know if its helpful as we are all different in our thought processes
I agree with you on that, everyone is different but you have given me a lot to think about and practice. I can’t thank you enough for interacting with my post, it has been so hard to go through this- let alone talking about it with other people.
My biggest fear so far after starting my no porn “journey” would be the cravings. At least a few times a day, every day, I would literally crave porn and would have to fight that urge or give in. What I am asking is, is this going to be a struggle that I will live with forever. Not in the sense that I don’t accept it but in the sense that I have to actively fight every single day. I am only in my young 20’s so I’ve just been questioning my life lately and my direction.
You are overthinking and working youself up… Argghhh am I going to be this way. No, the thing is you have quick access to porn in your daily life… You have time to yourself right now…
In the next year how do you know what can happen… What if you find a person who you connect with who takes away the hours of alone time to minimal… Who knows after your studying what job you have and if you have the time/mindset to be thinking about porn.
Fixating on the problem causes you to think about it more.
Gym time to deplete that extra energy… Tire yourself out…
Thank you kindly. Funny enough I needed to hear that. I’ve always been bad at living in the moment, especially now. You a definetly right in that I am too worried about the problem and not enough about the solution. Will definetly have to do some searching as to why I am so stuck in this way of thinking. It has been hard to change my mindset and to start to force myself to look at this problem normally and calmly. I think a lot of my worries stem from the fact that my whole life, porn was considered normal and accepted. When others talked about it such as my friends, I thought I was the only one in this kind of situation. For me, it was been such an individualized problem that is it tough for me to break that and allow others to truly look at me. I also have trouble loving myself and I am sure that others here can relate to. Being stuck in this rut has definetly caused me some problems, but only about a week ago have I even begun to realize this and understand it. I think that the biggest problem porn has given me is my lack of self confidence and self love, although I am not exactly sure how, this is my guess when I look at myself. I do feel better after being honest to myself but there is also a shame and guilt aspect of this addiction that really terrifies me. I want to understand it and overcome it fully. Thanks for listening
Hi C, I’m sorry to hear about your struggle. At the same time I am happy to see you recognize the problem and you are working on it.
I promise you, I promise: you can beat this.
I have invited you to the thread for men working through porn / masturbation / sex addiction, you will find a lot of valuable insight there. In addition, Neal posted a lot of valuable links here (in my own case finding a program for support was a significant step forward in my recovery - it may be worthwhile for you as well; it is at least worth looking at your options):
Looking forward to getting to know you better brother. You are not alone. You are a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where he can be his full self.
Thank you so much for listening and hearing me. I will definetly do some research into that group and will try and look deeply introspective. I appreciate you guys taking me in truly, I feels good to know that I am not the only one.