I am not sure if I am being unreasonable, but my husband continues to drink heavily and I feel his actions do not support me, as he does this in front of me on a regular basis. For example, I have had surgery recently and am tired and need to rest, it is 9 pm and he has taken a large glass of stong smelling 55% whiskey up to bed. We do not have a spare room. That is tonight.
On my 6 month soberversary he drank cocktails during the restuarant meal. He frequently drinks most evenings and he continues to watch videos about drinking on his phone.
That sounds insanely unsupportive in my opinion.
Though his sobriety is on him and him alone.
My partner continued to drink when I first quit and I kept reminding myself that I couldn’t control whether he did or didn’t.
However I do have control over myself and eventually told him that when he drinks, I remove myself and stay elsewhere.
He clearly didn’t like that so he mostly just drinks if he goes out for the night which is now only like once a month.
But I won’t be around it.
I hope your husband finds a better way to support you. hugs
Thanks for your reply - makes me feel better. He repeatedly tells me that I am not nice to him and I need to be more nice to him if I ask that he does not drink in front of me. It is difficult for me not to be around it as we have two children and I cannot just go out when I want. We live in a small house. I am also not very mobile at the moment due to my surgery! I really need the comfort of the bed so I will have to go up with a candle and joss sticks. I have mentioned many a time that I cannot be near the smell of strong whiskey.
I’m so sorry, your husband sounds unsupportive and then some. Videos about drinking? At the height of my drinking I wasn’t watching videos about it… What even are these videos?
Sorry to hear that your husband is behaving like this. It is unsupportive and possibly more than that. I cannot
Imagine openly drinking during a meal for someone’s significant soberversary, but then until I got sober myself I would never have thought about it that way. Given he knows it is important to you, it feels undermining rather than just unsupportive.
On another note, taking a large glass of whisky to bed is a fairly solid alcoholic behaviour. People treat bedrooms differently but it would fall under compulsive behaviour to me.
However, as an alcoholic, I can only be responsible and accountable for my own actions. I cannot control those of others.
You’re not being unreasonable at all, seems to me like the typical immature behavior of someone that deep down is not happy with his own actions, and therefore tries to sabotage yours, while you’re working hard for your sobriety. Welcome to the forum! Keep checking in!
Welcome Liz!
When I got sober, my husband didn’t. He continued drinking heavily daily. He celebrated MY 90 days by buying me balloons and himself a bottle of vodka. I got to the point that I couldn’t even sleep in the same bed.i resorted to the couch. It’s his home as much as mine so I couldn’t stop him from bringing in alcohol but I did put my foot down about drinking in front of me. Going to AA meetings and coming here helped me thru those hard days. As much as I wanted him to get sober, it had to be his choice. All I could do was lead by example. Finally, after 2.5 years, he caught the sobriety bug.
