So this week was a roller coaster emotion for me and not once did I consider picking up. As the saying goes, we don’t use no matter what.
The week started great last Friday when I got the call from ACR Health to schedule an interview the same day I sent in my resume. This job is something I’ve been dreaming about for a long time, but never thought would become a reality. Just to have the opportunity to be interviewed was a blessing. My Saturday and Sunday we’re great as the meetings I attended were particularly uplifting. Things were going as well as they have in years for me. In my previous attempts at recovery this probably would have led to a relapse. One of my biggest defects is thinking that I got this. Thankfully I have a program in my life that reminds me daily that I am an addict and alcoholic. I celebrated my blessings by sharing them with others in the rooms.
Then I was brought back to earth with the death of my friend on Tuesday. He died as a result of active addiction. He was 31 years old. I’m not going to lie, I was angry. I was angry at the disease. Angry that he just couldn’t find the help he needed. Angry that he bought into the bullshit that weed is harmless for addicts. And I was angry that people continue to push for that as a solution. Normally my grieving process would have been to get blind drunk and fight the first person who looked at me wrong. But again, I never thought about picking up. I called my sponsor and went to a meeting. I brought up the topic no matter what and everyone in that room had been through the same thing and they didn’t drink. I got some old school AA that night and it really helped. I took some time to meditate and pray and then I moved on, because that’s what we have to do.
Wednesday wasn’t much better as I worked 12.5 hours and didn’t hit a meeting for the first time since December 12, 2017. At first I was terrified that by missing a meeting I would be dead by morning. I called another addict and talked about it. Turns out I was being overly dramatic. I wasn’t putting any faith in my recovery or my higher power. I turned my will over and found that I will survive a missed a day. I just won’t make it a habit. Again, I wasn’t thinking about drinking or drugging.
The week didn’t end bad however. On Thursday I got good news from the girl I’m seeing about her visit in June. Then today I nailed the interview and picked up my 6 month chip at my regular AA group.
None of this, the good and the bad, would be possible if I were using or drinking. And not drinking and drugging would not be possible, for me, without the rooms! Good, bad, or ugly we don’t use one day at a time. I hope someone struggling reads this and realizes nothing is worth a drink or a drug today.
This week marked the highest point and lowest point in my recovery. Life goes on just as it always does. The only difference is that now I can face it without needing or wanting to messed up.