So long story short I got a Dui and totaled my vehicle last month, when that happened I was caught with weed and dabsā¦. Iāve been cleaning my life up since then and I have been gaining some sober time. Today my significant other and I got into a huge fight over thanksgiving. I feel like ever since that happened his family has been on the hate Shae express 
the way they treat me I almost feel like I would have rather died than lived through it. Anyway I told him I wasnāt going to his familyās dinner. I donāt have to explain myself to them. They are going to feel however they are going to feel about it. They arenāt āfixingā this with their finances. They didnāt bail me out of jail. They havenāt had to do anything but sit on their high horses and look down on me. They all blocked me on every platform and havenāt spoken to me but theyāve done plenty of speaking about me. I didnāt even know my sister in law was pregnant, I found that out from a friend. How freaking sad, I take pride in how much I love being an auntie. I do everything I can for all my nieces and nephews and this isolation is slowly killing my spirit. But I know how the evening would play out if I did go. So I tried to explain my reasoning and my feelings to him and he blew up on me. Telling me I need to get over it and itās not fair to my nephewsā¦. No whatās not fair, is my nephews hearing what a piece of shit I am and not letting them talk to me even over the phone. I asked him if we could just forgo the thanksgiving thing and just do our own at home with our daughter, where I wonāt be surrounded by booze or judge mental assholes. He said no. I already am not doing a thanksgiving with my family because of outstanding drama, so doing one at home just made more sense to meā¦. I just donāt feel like being everybodyās conversation piece while they avoid me and I sit alone like I always do. Iām barely starting to feel human again after the guilt and shame from my incident. I donāt think itās healthy for me to throw myself knowingly into a downward spiralā¦ not to mention this will be my first sober holiday ever. I donāt want to spend it miserable and consumed by the urge to use. Does standing up for myself and refusing to go make me selfish and am I in the wrong for feeling that way? Iām so thankful thereās a meeting tonight I need one.
Itās ok to be selfish for your sobriety. Especially this early in.
I just read this on the gratitude thread this morning.
Itās golden.
What about a compromise? Go there just for appetizers or dessert and have dinner at home? It sounds like your SO really wants to see his family on the holiday and if you donāt go at all, heās probably not going to be satisfied.
My sobriety is really new too and Iām stressed out about Thanksgiving also. Family gathers are hard enough on a ānormalā year with ānormalā family and ānormalā responsibilities. Our lives as addicts are not close to ānormalā. I use quotations cause I think of ānormalā the same way I think of Big Foot. Iām pretty sure it doesnāt exist but I kinda want it to. What you described as Thanksgiving sounds like a train waiting to hit you and wreck your recovery. It is okay to say no to anything that endangers you health and losing your sobriety endangers your health. You can stand your ground calmly, resolute and without making it an huge messy argument. Protect your recovery at all costs.
You definitely need to baby your sobriety at this point and take care of yourself mentally. Sometimes that means missing family get togethers. My thought is discuss with your partner your wish to just be low key and tend to yourself and sanity. It is okay to not join him at Thanksgiving. The world doesnāt end if we just cannot muster the gumption to soldier thru a get together we donāt want to be at anyway. Hopefully he can understand and accept that and you can allow him his family time. A little bit of grace for you both. You can have some alone time to relax, make some of your or his favorite dishes and enjoy some fixins together when he returns or the next day.
Awwww hell naw! I would not want to go either. I donāt know your husband, but damn Iām disappointed with him. His support, especially right now, is so important. I donāt have any words of wisdom other than guard your sobriety with your life. Itās too soon to be under that amount of scrutiny on top of all the other emotions swirling around after a DUI. Itās a dark lonely place right now. With every day youāll be closer to happiness though. Hang in there and enjoy the day, even if you end up spending it alone. That would honestly be ten thousand times more fun anyway. Over the past few years I have chosen to not participate in a few holidays. My family is a bunch of assholes. I rather watch housewives of anything and play toon blast 
Hang in there. It is going to get better xx