Upcoming stag party

I haven’t written in a while so i thought id put this out there. Im 2 years sober and my close friends got engaged recently so theres talks about the stag party and im thinking what do i do? I cant decline it because hes a close friend. I could be the designated sober friend but i dont see that going well with the rest of the group. I could drink but god knows where id end up if i went from clean as a judge to convicted felon in one night. Would appreciate any advice. Thanks

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You absolutely can not go if you think it would jeopordise your sobriety. Last weekend I did not go to a dear dear friend’s wedding because I knew it would not be a good place for me.

If they are real friends they will support you in your sobriety. :bird:

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Going and drinking is not an option so forget that.

Do the others know you are two years sober?

Depends where it’s to and what’s planned but seems to me happiest solution is to join the party, have some fun, but DON’T DRINK.

I’ve got the same sort of thing with a boys weekend in Bangkok (!) in a few weeks’ time.

Good luck to you and please wish me luck!

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Thanks and good luck!

Man, if they would be offended you don’t drink it doesn’t sound like there are nearly as good as friends as you think. And since they aren’t good friends I would say you have a perfectly good reason not to go

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So I just was in this situation for my best friend’s MFA thesis and I got beyond wasted and missed my flight home which has set off a chain reaction of crud including a shitty grade in an important class, ennui and a pretty cranky set of organs! Back on the wagon only five days in.

Here’s my advice: I think its kind of crappy to not show up for friends. It sounds like you have a lot of clean time in. Just lie to the party people! Seltzer and lime looks exactly like vodka soda, and drunk people don’t know what’s going on anyway, as we all know. If you don’t feel up for that, go with your gut and sit it out. In the past when I’ve had to be pressured and genuinely didn’t want to drink that night (long time ago) i would just pull the bartender aside, tip them 10 bucks and say “whatever they order me, seltzer + juice + lime”.

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One of the bridesmaids at a wedding I was in last summer had just gotten sober right before the bachelorette party. She came for dinner and then left, it was no big deal, everyone congratulated her on her sobriety and she drove us all to brunch the next day.

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My approach is that if 1) im not comfortable trelling them about my sobriety and that it’s important, and 2) they don’t support me in my sobriety, then they are not real friends. My real friends, when i tell them about my concerns say “i 100% support your absence.”

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Sounds like the peripherals are the issue. I would hope the groom would get it. Do you give total gumption to peripherals? I don’t.

Transparency seems key! Let those closest know and if they give a shit they’ll tell peripherals to lay off.

What’s the plan for the party? Is it just a bar crawl or are there any day time activities? If no day time activities (e.g. lunch, paintballing, escape room) could you suggest one? Like oh I saw this awesome thing…

Whatever the plan is, could you just show up for a bit of it then leave, like @anon62920945 said?

Two years is awesome, I bet you’ve learned loads in that time about how to navigate difficult situations… That includes knowing when to take a pass. If you do decide to give it a miss, I’m sure your friend will understand. You could always arrange to do something with him separately to celebrate, in a way that works better for you.

Have you been to many boozy things since you got sober?

I know what you mean… But another way of looking at it is this: If showing up means you risk getting completely shit faced, doing something you regret (over and above breaking an awesome run of sobriety) and ruining the night for yourself and everyone else, isn’t that kind of crappy?

Sometimes we make ourselves feel like we really need to show up to be there for people we care about when actually knowing when to stay away can be just as important! :heart:

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2 years fantastic achievement, dont waste it, simple apoligise and tell your friends you cannot go. True friends will fully understand and support your decision. Stay strong.

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The fact that you are asking here what to do proves to me that you are not strong enough to go. Like @aircircle suggested: don’t go if you think it’s jeopordise your sobriety.

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Maybe take your car become the driver thats a excuse or just dont go wish you well

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In the two years you’ve been sober is this your first ‘test’?

Oh boy. I would agree with a lot of these fine people, don’t go. If anything, send some cash in lieu of your presence. Drunks love free drinks, especially when there’s one less drunk to share with!

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Do you have any other sober friends that you could take with you even if they are not friends of the groom?