Hi, I’m 10 days clean and sober and have a family wedding tomorrow and it’s a weekend wedding and I’m nervous about it. Could you give me some tips and advice on how to get through it? I’m hopeful I wont pick up or use but I’m conscious that I’m only 10 days into my recovery. Thanks 
Diet coke in a highball glass
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Can you be designated driver or offer to drive someone ?x might give you focus
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I skip events that might jeopardise my sobriety. This included the wedding of a dear friend at 6 months sober - they understood and supported my absence.
For unavoidable events, stuff I:
Tell people that I’m not drinking and that this is important to me.
Always keep a non alcoholic drink in my hand - seltzer for me.
Drive separately so I can leave anytime I feel uncomfortable.
Check in here or with other sober friends throughout by text or calls during the event and after.
Bring a sober friend.
Find the other sober people at the event and hang with them.
Hang with the children.
Leave early.
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I have an unavoidable family wedding tomorrow too and I’m nervous about it. It’s my husband’s family. Thankfully the couple are not drinkers, and his family that I know are not drinkers, but they know me as a drinker. I’m not really ready for any questions so hopefully they won’t ask.
I am also nervous because my last relapse was at a wedding. It was with coworkers and I was nervous. I was 18 days alcohol free. I kept debating before the wedding if I could just have a couple drinks or not, so I was still very on the fence about everything. I choose to drink, and like I already knew, I had way more than a couple drinks. But believe me, the day after the wedding changed everything. I don’t think I had ever been so hungover. Probably because for the majority of the previous five months I quit drinking. I was so so sick for two days. And now I’m 33 days free.
I am NOT drinking at this wedding.
Some of my tools:
Have an exit plan, ie don’t be someone’s ride and don’t ride with anyone -be able to go as soon as you’re ready
Have a drink in your hand constantly -I order drinks like I used to do, two at a time
Pick a fun drink you might enjoy - I mix soda water and juice a lot when I’m out, sometimes I have them put a lime on the glass. This also helps deter people from asking why you’re not drinking.
Play a sober podcast on the way there
Tell a friend, preferably one at the wedding
Let yourself indulge in other wedding delights -food, desserts, dancing
Check into here - read or reach out
Walk outside or away from everyone and breathe - no one would miss you if you walked around away from everyone for five minutes
Play through the tape -Picture your entire night and tomorrow and the next day, etc. if you start drinking. Play through it all in your mind, the drinking, feeling like shit, possibly drinking and driving, dui, imagine the worse case scenario, imagine the average scenario, imagine and really remember why you quit. Then picture yourself if you don’t drink at all, play through how the night will go and how tomorrow will go and how great, proud, and accomplished you will feel.
I’m excited for you and your sober wedding!!!
YOU GOT THIS!!
Congrats on 10 days, and congrats on reaching out to a good community!
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Hi and welcome.
To me it’s just about mindset.
Start thinking now that you are not drinking. Set up a plan using what has been said above.
But ultimately, nobody can make you drink. There’s no need to be nervous if you set your mind to it.
I had my FIL funeral when I was about 2 months sober. Funerals have always been boozy affairs for us. But I was determined to not drink. Though I did entertain the idea but decided that I had worked so hard to get where I was that I would not want to start again.
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Remember to say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink. If you say “no” to the first drink, there can’t be a second or third or eighth. There won’t be any embarrassment or chance of your ruining someone’s special day. There won’t be that panic of trying to piece together what happened after you blacked out.
And it all turns on one drink…the first drink. You can say “no” to one drink, because this is where you succeed or fail.
If you can’t do this, skip the wedding. Tell them you feel a sick coming on, which isn’t a lie. If you feel as if you will drink, you WILL feel sick, if not a hangover, the ill-feelings of regret.
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Welcome. There is lots of great advice on this forum. Use the search feature at the top and you will find some much there. But since you asked specifically…
I have learned to order first. Before anyone else has a chance to order something alcoholic and have you questioning yourself speak up loudly and say “club soda with lime” , or “ice tea, please”. Etc etc. And if someone asks just be straight forward and say “I"m wanting something non-alcoholic right now”. They have no business knowing if “right now” is this hour or this lifetime. But there is no shame in not wanting an alcoholic drink.
But you also mention “using”…does this mean you also do drugs? If so, do not spend ANY time with people who you might do drugs with. Maybe that means you spend lots of time talking with the mother and the father of the bride complimenting them on a wonderful service and party. Tell them how much you love their daughter and how beautiful you think she looks in her dress. Just go on and on and on. That should take up some serious time. LOL
Lastly, if you find you’ve done all you can and there’s nothing left for you to do but “pick up or use”…GO HOME!!! You are allowed to leave. And if people are wasted they likely won’t even realise that you left. Or if they do you could tell them you were there and they just don’t remember. “Don’t you remember, we talked for 15 minutes about the NBA championships…I can’t believe you don’t remember…I said how much I loved the Toronto Raptors and you thought I was being funny”. Make something up. They won’t know. ROFLMAO!!!
If sobriety is important to you you have to be prepared to do anything to maintain it and that may mean disappointing people who just don’t understand what you are going through. In the long run they will understand.
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Nothing is unavoidable when it comes to protecting your sobriety. I can’t tell you how many things I blew off as a drunk, I can’t tell you how many things I blew off as a newly sober person either.
I did what was right for me and my sobriety, it worked pretty well, been sober for over 500 days now.
And in this day and age, there’s almost always gonna be another wedding for them (sorry for the dark humor)
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The only wedding that is unavoidable is your own, and since you are already married you don’t even have to worry about that.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”
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I can understand your worries too. I am at day 11 and have my divorce in 2 weeks, my birthday in few days and tomorrow a picknick with a lot of beer in front.
I start to imagine myself having a good glas of water, looking bright and shining clear, smiling, listening to people, or - in case of my divorce - just looking good.
Drinking makes me ugly, red nose, eyes half closed, etc. And the stress to must have alcohol in my hands!
Nope.
I had it.
So I prefer to imagine myself beautiful and self-confident.
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I have a wedding to attend tomoro, my plan is to drive and to say no to the first drink, keep saying no to that one!
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You make an excellent point! Anything is avoidable. Hell I could have avoided even my own wedding as a lot of people don’t seem to get married at all anymore. But since it’s my mother in law getting married and it’s out of state, I feel like it would be wise to go. Risking my sobriety isn’t worth anything at this point and thankfully our hotel is accessible from the venue. No one would notice if I stepped out but it would certainly be noticable if I didn’t show up at all.
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You could just do the service then take yourself to the hotel spa during the reception. Seems like a win/win
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I like the way you think!!!
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Sobriety is a mindset, you have to change your way of thinking whatever you old vice was, it is no longer your vice. If it’s alcohol ginger ale in a rocks glass works wonders…trust me no one cares if you drink or not. If it’s drugs then distance yourself from those who indulge.
You have to realise you cannot avoid life, but make a lifestyle change for You! You matter!
Stay strong and stay sober…you got this!
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Attend the service, skip the reception. If you have to go to the reception, duck out as soon as the music starts. No one will notice.
And if you’re worried people will notice that YOU’RE not drinking? That’s all on your head, no one will even care, no one ever does. 
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Lol @ there’s almost always gonna be another wedding!!! This is so true nowadays. However, it’s my mother in law getting married, out of state, and they are in their mid 60s 
So although anything is avoidable, this one might be a bit tricky to not show up at all. And I’m not anticipating they will remarry at this point in their lives, but stranger things have happened. After all that is said, I will show up but I also have an exit strategy ready and rehearsed. The hotel we are at is also easily accessible from the venue. :cough cough: I might be getting sick… lolol
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Thank you all so much for the advice and the support I feel so much better. I got this 
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