If either of those happen you can feel justified that 1) you tried to do something positive and 2) it really isn’t a “you” problem. That might help you make peace with the situation as it is.
The third option is that it helps and a different future pans out.
Yeah, i think im also more than a little scared of her reactions if we did xx
Well, boundaries set. Good. Unless you invite her, she won’t show up. Sounds acceptable.
Not taking responsibility is not acceptable but that’s not within your control. I’m glad you stick to your boundaries allthough it hurts. You did ok, you demand the minimum and you are worth being respected. It’s her turn to realize where solutions can be found and that it’s her responsibility to act accordingly.
If she continues to sneak in manipulation through contacting your partner, in my opinion you both should stop that. Being on terms & in contact for (grand)daughter logistics is ok (you mentioned he wants to keep that channel open), kindergarten playing telephone is not.
Do you feel a bit at ease after putting it out in detail here? I deeply hope so, it sounds hurting and frustrating.
You are a good person, hugs & kindness to you 
Im so grateful for all you guys thank you 
i feel all messed up inside, a bit distraught to be honest but ive painted on my strong face because im collecting my daughter from school shortly. I feel better for showing you the messages so i can get more opinion than in my head which helps me feel less like im doing something wrong but i do still feel that, distraught that i cant reach her… that she wont understand where im coming from
That’s normal AND something that happens in codependent relationships.
To be honest I still have to work on my own similar pattern after 4 years 
It’s a fact that we cannot connect with people who don’t let it happen and welcome it. Like wanting to enter a garden through a closed door. You see it, hear it but you can’t reach it. Standing in front of that door. For years. In all weathers. Never leaving because the door could open when we turn our back and walk away.
Spoiler: Never happens. We just use up energy that could be invested in our own growth aka garden.
What helped me was stepping away from my own wants and focus on what I can do to nourish my needs, my soul, my heart. In a thousand little steps and attempts. At some point the longing for being heard, respected and loved by this specific person (my ex) changed into a resignated sigh. On the other hand I had build a fabulous full happy life by nourishing my needs, heart and soul and keeping my boundaries 
I asked her about the counselling, defo not was her reply and this is what was said after…
I wont reply anymore because you can probably tell, im getting angry with her
Sorry Kelly 
Her attitude stinks, that’s all there is to it.
Absolutely James, youve all been so helpful to me today im so grateful, thank you xx
Healthy choice. Better invest your energy where it is apprechiated (and remember some extra self-care too! ) hugs
Thank you for all your help today @erntedank you are a great friend to me, youve helped me ALOT, i feel exhausted now
My love to you 
Love to you back 
I’m grateful you feel supported
And I think you made big steps in a healthy direction, mentally and emotionally.
Wishing you a restful sleep, God knows I feel with you. I remember being this kind of exhausted. Rest well and let it sink, smile and kiss your family. You may now pause 
Sidekick: I told myself uncountable times “You may now pause” to pave a path where it feels safe and natural to rest after mastering a straining emotional situation. Before I started with it I thought I must deal with shit and then leave it behind. Which didn’t work well. Just wanted to share.
I will definitely use this one, tomorrow will be a full pause day, i get a prezzie in the morning from my little family, i have cards too then im taking myself shopping, i will buy myself a piece of silver jewellery and eat something nice then when Sofia gets back from school and Adam from work i get another present to open and time with my beautiful little family, i feel utterly grateful for what i do have and proud of myself for sticking to my guns but still always the pangs of guilt remain but thats ok, i am strong, thank you so much again, goodnight dear friend
Well i got flowers from my mother today for my birthday so i just text her saying thank you, what was significant was on the card it said ‘from’ where usually she would put ‘love from’ she has to have her digs but what i am proud of is the fact that in all my exchanges with her yesterday i keep to my narrative but without any form of aggression or low blows, least thats how i feel
Happy birthday Kelly. I hope you enjoy the gift of standing your ground that you gave yourself.
Why thank you James!! Yes, still guilty pangs but i also feel empowered 
Happy birthday! Enjoy the flowers and try not to let the dig drag you down 
