Venting to help release anger

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Yesterday evening I decided to drive to about 40 miles to the NA meeting where my recovery started. I hadn’t been in about
two months so I was really excited about seeing some of the friends I had made in the rooms. After arriving I took Gunny (my dog) out so she could greet people as well. I said hi to the old timer (D), who has 45+ years of sobriety and he mumbled something I couldn’t understand and walked away. About five minutes later, the meeting secretary walked up to me and said someone complained that I had brought Gunny to the meeting. I looked at him and said I hadn’t even went into the meeting as I was outside talking to the smokers. I knew who had complained because as I looked up, D had a gloating look on his face until I took off my sunglasses and gave him the “why you cranky, miserable old man look” which made him lower his glance and he briskly walked inside. When mentioning the incident after the meeting to a few people, they said D acted like it was his meeting and has intimidated many others in the past. I know I shouldn’t be angry, but their is part of me that is still fuming over how it all went down. When I talk to my sponsor today I will tell him what happened and that I will not attend that meeting again if D is going to be there. Though this didn’t trigger or make me want to use, it did reignite a deep down fire that after I got clean, I was able to keep under control. I’ve said the serenity prayer many times since last night, but each time I do, my anger for D grows stronger. I’m hoping that by getting this off of my chest and letting people I consider calling my friends will help me regain control over my inner demons. I do know that by having my friends see this, they will help me get over this by sharing their words of advice and encouragement with me.

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No advice from me but certainly encouragement. I wonder if he knows he had had a positive influence on your journey and also on those of probably many other people’s.
It sounds a little like he may have developed a little bit of a God like complex. I hope he doesn’t try to intimidate newcomers. I seriously doubt that you’re the only person unhappy with his actions. I’m not sure which step covers it but he needs to rework it :slightly_smiling_face:

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There are D’s everywhere in life unfortunately. AA has the grouchy oldtimer stereotype for the long timers. Sometimes people take their “roles” to litterally. You will never change D. Let him be the dick he has assumed to be, and you be the radiant beacon of sobriety that you are.

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Poor Gunny, how rude not wanting her in, that would have peeved me off too. :hugs::hugs:

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As I expected, the wisdom from my friends is having the desired affect I needed it to.

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You could always do the sack of poop on his door step, light it on fire, then run…probably not the advice you are looking for.

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Run it through the 4th/10th step, my friend. Some meetings don’t allow dogs other than service dogs. Some people are afraid of or allergic to dogs. Some people are just controlling jerks. For me, whenever I’m disturbed, I pray for humility and acceptance, even if it physically hurts me to do so - eventually it gets better. I try to remember that I’d rather be happy than right.

When I see friends avoiding certain meetings because they have real or perceived conflict with another member, it makes me sad. The only person they are hurting is themself. I’ve got some of this happening by me recently. The problem is like 90% perception and over something trivial.

I have been struggling with a person at work an it’s been consuming me for the last two days. I just sat and prayed for me to find humility and acceptance, and the ability to see the divine I everyone, especially the people I struggle with. I’m hoping that is i keep this up, by the time I get back to work on Monday I can feel serenity and peace and gratitude, rather than frustration and spite.

Hoping you can find a return to peace, my friend. I know all too well that it is hard :bird:

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This would definitely annoy me and I hate when things “stick” with me and I have a hard time shaking it off. My two suggestions, think of all the things you’re grateful for in your life. Start writing them down and see how long your list is, maybe add all the good qualities you’ve gained or hope to gain with sobriety. Next, pray or hope or wish for D to have these things as well. He might have most of them already having 45 years of sobriety, but if he’s got stubbornness and a big ego, there’s clearly room for improvement.

Also, his bad attitude has nothing to do with you, I try to seperate myself from whatever negative person or situation I come across and remind myself over and over that I’m not going to make myself feel anger by attaching myself to whoever’s actions I thought were unfair.

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And this is why I’m grateful to be a member of this forum. All of you are taking the power this incident had over me away. Believe me when I say that I literally have tears in my eyes because I turned to you my friends instead of letting anger continue to consume me.

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Okay, that’s it. I have officially grabbed the box of tissues.

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So so proud of you for this. It really is amazing, isn’t it?! I’ve spent the last two days bending my sponsor’s ear about my problem. The problem is still there, but rather the spending my weekend waging psychological warfare against this person, I’m spending it working on shifting my perspective to reduce/remove my disturbance and find peace and serenity in my heart. Slowly getting there… :bird: thanks for sharing - it helped me.

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I will adapt this for my “anger moments” too :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Just goes to show that it doesn’t matter how many days we have sober, we can act seemingly irrationally and only in our best interest.

Your life is good, you have much to be happy for. Don’t drink the poison you mean for someone else to take, it only makes you suffer.

Keep trudging friend, glad you’re here, glad to have your fellowship.

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Is Anger one of those emotions that cursing at @Englishd in my head might help, or is that just for cravings? ;p from the tough love thread, Thanks for being a good sport Derek.

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This. Thank you for posting this as it’s so relatable to me. What I have been truly working on in therapy is you have to accept that in which you can not change. Remember that whatever D is going through to make him act like that is his shit. Not yours. You are living your best life & by getting upset over it he now has control over your emotions. Take a deep breath and realize there’s nothing you can do about it. Today, if that was me in your shoes I would have taken off those sunglasses, smiled and waved. Nobody likes to see a happy and sober drunk :laughing:

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Hey it works if you work it!

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My grandmother was hands down the nicest, warmest soul I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. She always told me not to trust a man who doesn’t like babies or dogs. D sucks. Even my grandmother would say so.

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In ran into my sponsor at the California Mid State Fair a little bit ago. As he wasn’t there last night, we had a good sponsor to sponsee talk. When I showed him this app and the advice you have given me here, he said pretty good advice, so what do you need me for? Now that I’m 24hrs past the event, I’m much more calm. In fact, I feel kinda sorry for the old man now. Once again my online forum friends have put things into prospective for me.

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I posted this as a separate topic, but realized it was a great way to summarize this topic.

This afternoon we parked in the high school parking lot and took the free shuttle to the fair. When we returned to our car, this was taped to the driver sideview mirror. I didn’t notice it until I turned left coming out of the parking lot. There is a very, very short list of people who would use this phrase, but they knew I would understand the meaning. This really means a lot to me. After the NA meeting last night with the D episode, this put to rest once and for all that it was D’s problem not mine. Someone from NA saw my car and left me this message. I am truly blessed to have people like this involved in my recovery. Though I don’t know who exactly did it and will never ask, this meant the world to me.

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sorry to hear you had a bad experience for me id would have told him f— off you old fart ,

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