I’ve been sober for nine days! Nine whole days, but with each day I struggle with my demons inside. My heart is with my family and my body is with work (iron worker) but my mind is stuck in hell. Daily I think of my military career (now being out since 2010) did I change anything with my deployments? What did I do for our country, was it enough? I fear that the more I try for sobriety and clear thoughts the more I come to the fact I’m FUCKED UP! My alcoholism is driving my wife and sons away from me. With me I and many vets carry a burden especially with the “CM” and I can’t figure out how to deal with my brain being stagnant when I’m not thinking about past battles and “the shit”.
Hello Will. I am a Veteran and an Alcoholic. I used alcohol to numb the pain from service. I will tell you this: each sober day gets better. Feel the emotions, work through the emotions…sober. once I did that, I found my peace.
Maybe take a look at some AA groups. I found fellow veterans in those groups. AA in general, gave me a sense of comradery that I had not felt since I was in the service.
AA is so general. MY brotherhood is what I crave and need. No one know like a vet. I’m ready to drown the demons. I know I need to get to a meeting. My brotherhood can comprehend what I am going through
Hang in there brother! You’re not alone as long as you’re talking about this. I’m fairly new to sobriety also, but as time goes by, I’m finding I’m getting more effective in the battle against the demons when they come. Recent days with Afghanistan have been hard, I know, but remember the times we took care of our brothers and sisters other over there. Those are the times I consider wins. All the other shit that’s going on now is far beyond our control.
Drop a note here if you need to vent or just ask questions, there are several combat vets on here, and I’ll watch for future posts from you.
Congratulations on your sobriety and thanks for your service!
I am a veteran as well. US Army and I have been out for about 10 years. I find my self looking back from time to time and thinking about stuff…but I don’t wonder if I’ve done enough. At the end of the day we go in to do a job and that is what we do, play our role. If you did that then you have done plenty and more than most in terms of service. There are veteran specific groups you may be able to reach out to depending on where you are located. Good luck with your sobriety!
I suffer from trauma. When I quit drinking, the painful memories kept coming to the surface. I used drinking to numb years of pain. I’ve had to dive into therapy to stay sober. It helps to identify the triggers and sometimes I’ve had to white knuckle through it. I’m 405 days sober. Reach out here and to any other resources you need to stay sober. It is worth it. God bless you and we really do appreciate the service of all veterans regardless of political outcomes.
One day at a time